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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Finally happened. Drunk driving PIL in drunk driving crash

118 replies

Mixxy · 02/08/2013 05:18

At the worst possible time, the script-written inevitable happened. Lover of driving after a few FIL hit a crash rail on the UWS HW and was rear-ended by the driver behind. His car is a wreck.

Both him and MIL are okay. A few cracked ribs, whip lash, shock etc.
They were driving home after sitting Shiva with a few gins. All FILs fault. DH is still in shiva : I'm not Jewish so I tend to just help with food and stuff. Get a call around 10.30pm to ask for help at the hospital. When I arrived I was told, "anybody but you, you're just so judgy.

No other family members showed up to help. That was 3 hours ago.

OP posts:
fuckwittery · 03/08/2013 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClartyCarol · 03/08/2013 21:40

... wholly irresponsible actions.

IrisWildthyme · 03/08/2013 21:50

I remember lurking on your 4th July thread. Thank God this happened without hurting anyone seriously - now you will get a lot less (or even zero) grief in future when you refuse to be driven by anyone who has been drinking.

You really don't need to say "I told you so". Swallow it, be the bigger person - if there is stuff they need someone to help them with, and you are the only family who can help, then help without comment or judgement, family is family. Even if they feel too ashamed to apologise to you, you can be sure they will know you were right without you ever having to point it out to them.

If they don't actually need you to do anything, then as PPs have said they are grownups, leave them to it.

CSIJanner · 03/08/2013 22:10

Bloody hell! It was going to happen wasn't it? This is the same fishwife MIL who's the "kosha vegetarian" who eats BBQ pork ribs? Rang the Irish embassy demanding they didn't issue an Irish pp for DS? And the IL's who kicked a fuss up about the 4th July?

You've done your duty and gone to the hospital with baby! Do you have to be there for the arrest? You're clearly not wanted by MIL because even if you don't say anything and stand in the corner with a bag over your head, they know that they're guilty of getting in the car and feel that your presence will be the slap in the face 'I told you so' that they deserve. They were warned and knew how you felt about it. If your there, its reminding them that they were warned. MIL is being bloody minded about it all and FIL as the driver should have known better. They're both as bad as each other - MIL for enabling and FIL for being so arrogant.

Hope that you, DH, SIL & BIL are all okay in this? As for the judgey comment - your judgey pants are the least of their worries. It would be the courts judgey pants they need to think about. Your IL's deserve everything thrown at them TBH. They were lucky they didn't kill anyone.

BatwingsAndButterflies · 03/08/2013 22:40

Strength to you OP.

Please tell FIL "I told you so" right in his face. Angry

beginnings · 03/08/2013 23:37

What a sad inevitability. Well done for showing up Mixxy. Hope you got home and got some rest at a reasonable hour.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 04/08/2013 01:58

Hello Mixxy I rather thought it would be you again!

Well, you may now twirl imwardsly - proved right, no more arguments on that score and a soupçon of comeuppance too ;) I'm sure you would have been their worst nightmare coming to help! Apologies I suspect will stick in their craw...

It would have been v different however if they'd hurt someone...

Original poster
Mixxy · 04/08/2013 08:45

Its all gone to shit. FIL discharged with bruised ribs. More bruised ego if you ask me.I decided to stay away because I was unable to help or accept an apology without a smirk on my face. Would only have led to more trouble. DH told me I don't have to speak to them again without a full apologie from them.

Then it all kicked off! FIL lawyer sayshe can take a drivers alco ed class and reapply for a conditional license because its a first offense and he blew barely over the limit.

MIL responded by shouting " That baby doesn't look anything like you or the family.Check her dates".

Its so much more right now. Toxic bitch.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeFrouFrou · 04/08/2013 08:55

Oh Jesus Mixxy. What did your DH say about MIL's remark? Presumably he's not actually taking her seriously?

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/08/2013 08:59

Woe, they sound vile! If your DH is ok for you to ignore them can you both literally just ignore them for a couple of weeks? They clearly don't give a toss about what they've done.

Chubfuddler · 04/08/2013 09:01

I would never ever set foot in their house again, nor they in mine. How fucking dare she?

Original poster
Mixxy · 04/08/2013 09:06

No DH is not taking it serious.

But MIL is just using this to distract from it all. You really think anybody sitting Shiva wanted to hear ou r family drama? Eh, not so much. She just can't share tje spotlight.

DH says until I get a full public apology, she does kot have to be in our lives at all. God I love Mr. Mixxy.

OP posts:
CakesAreNotTheAnswer · 04/08/2013 09:06

is your mil actually deranged?

cocolepew · 04/08/2013 09:07

Good grief what a bitch!

TheOneWithTheHair · 04/08/2013 09:08

Good for Mr Mixxy for standing by you.

What ungrateful, spiteful people your PIL are. Sorry you both have to deal with them and sorry for dh's loss.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/08/2013 09:09

Fucking hell Mixxy. What kind of fuckwit is she?? Glad the fuckwit gene has skipped Mr M Jr. I'd go with the not having to be in your lives over public apology any day.

Apologies for overuse of fuckwit. It's early here!

TheRealFellatio · 04/08/2013 09:14

Feel free to scream away! Tell them they are lucky to be alive but if anyone had been killed or seriously injured then best it would have been them and not some innocent victim of their arrogance and stupidity.

To be honest even without the drinking thing, I doubt at over 80 they are the world's safest drivers anyway. If I were you I'd have a quiet word with the police and tell them that they need to make sure FIL loses his licence for good.

Anniegetyourgun · 04/08/2013 09:20

You mean she shouted that in the hearing of a funeral party? Confused

Original poster
Mixxy · 04/08/2013 09:21

Fuckwit away everybody! DH gets to lose a close friend to cancer (and a rapid 3 day decline to death) AND deal with these toxic people.

"Check her dates" was met Mr. Mixxy with a look in his eye that could have killed. He told her, "She went to look after you and you pulled me out of important mourning to deal with your failings".

He stood up for AND by me. I feel so very vindicated and so very loved.

OP posts:
wickeddevil · 04/08/2013 09:31

Wow mixxy, round of applause to your DH. At least he has his priorities right.
As for MIL what a viscous bitch.

Trazzletoes · 04/08/2013 09:37

Go Mixxy and Mr Mixxy! Yeah!

Ps. What an utter bitch MIL.

hermioneweasley · 04/08/2013 09:41

Hooray for Mr Mixxy!

Your MIL is a toxic bitch, not someone you want in your DCs lives, and she's given you the perfect excuse to exclude her. Win-win

5madthings · 04/08/2013 09:53

bloody hell what a vile person your mil is. you go out your way at a difficult time to help them when they have beennbloody stupid. and your mil then tries to question the patetnity of your child!!! omg!

well done mrmixxy for standing up to them, i am sorry you are having to deal with this. sorry for the loss of mrmixxys friend.

you guys know you have the moral.high ground, just ignore and dont engage.

karinmaria · 04/08/2013 10:03

Mr. Mixxy sounds wonderful, he did exactly what you needed at a time when he needs to focus on his friend and mourning, not his horrid sounding MIL.

Your PIL are clearly not nice and crackers to boot. Bloody hell.

MrsPennyapple · 04/08/2013 10:07

I lurked on your 4th July thread too, and when I saw this thread I knew it must be them. Sadly, I don't think this crash will change their attitude to drink driving. I think FIL will blame anything but the drink - he was distracted by something, they were arguing, maybe the weather conditions weren't ideal, he had something in his eye - he will never, never admit that the crash happened because he was over the limit.

It's great that your DH is supporting you, this whole horrible situation is the last thing he needs at a time like this, and awful for you to be involved in too. I think you will feel a lot better for not having anything to do with them for a while.

There's no need to say I told you so, they know, and that's why MIL is so enraged - because you have been proved right. I think I, too, would do what I could to make sure FIL didn't get his licence back. It's for everyone's safety.