Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Finally happened. Drunk driving PIL in drunk driving crash

118 replies

Mixxy · 02/08/2013 05:18

At the worst possible time, the script-written inevitable happened. Lover of driving after a few FIL hit a crash rail on the UWS HW and was rear-ended by the driver behind. His car is a wreck.

Both him and MIL are okay. A few cracked ribs, whip lash, shock etc.
They were driving home after sitting Shiva with a few gins. All FILs fault. DH is still in shiva : I'm not Jewish so I tend to just help with food and stuff. Get a call around 10.30pm to ask for help at the hospital. When I arrived I was told, "anybody but you, you're just so judgy.

No other family members showed up to help. That was 3 hours ago.

OP posts:

cocolepew · 02/08/2013 08:09

They really are the limit mixxy, I'd just leave them to it too.
Sorry about your DH's friend.

hermioneweasley · 02/08/2013 08:14

I didn't understand all your posts so I'm not sure if you're at the hospital with them?

Anyway with their reaction of "anyone but you" I would take MIL at her word and leave. Your BIL can sort it out. And if FIL does ever get his licence back you have the perfect reason not to ever let them drive you anywhere.

RibenaFiend · 02/08/2013 08:18

Is there any way that you can use your fury energy to choreograph an "I told you so" song and dance? (Including your baby of course) then quietly slip into FIL's room where MIL is being the dutiful wife and say to them that when people are so deliberately rude it just makes you want to....

Who's believe them anyway???!!!

And thank The Lord that you are the one who stood up to them. It doesn't bare thinking about what may have been if your DC were in that vehicle. (I take it the lorry crushed the back?)

I am very sorry for your family's loss.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 02/08/2013 08:21

Am I right in thinking you're in the US? Does anyone know what is likely to happen to FIL there?

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 02/08/2013 08:30

I think I read the 4th July thread so also can't see any remorse from them likely.

Seeing as MIL pretty much told you to get lost and you have a baby to deal with I would go but tell them they can ring me if they need anything and that you are the only one available so it's you or nothing. That would stick in my throat as wouldn't want to help but would try and stand in for DH in the circumstances as they are his parents so I would say it.

Thank goodness he didn't kill anyone.

lljkk · 02/08/2013 08:51

Depends on state laws, Frances, I think OP is in NYS, so you could google the penalties. Not pretty, I'm sure.

MadBusLady · 02/08/2013 09:33

Stupid woman. "Anyone but you" is because she knows you're completely in the right and they're completely in the wrong and she can't face it.

Trazzletoes · 02/08/2013 09:44

Mixxy I think it's really good of you to have put yourself out and gone to the hospital despite your PILs rudeness. It sounds like your DH has enough on his plate at the moment without having to worry about his DPs hospitalising themselves through sheer idiocy and recklessness.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/08/2013 10:22

Well, given their past, persistent behaviour, this is the best possible result really, isn't it - convincing, inconveniencing accident with no major injuries.

You can afford to be majorly smug. I find that when people are so ably demonstrating their own idiocy, the best thing is to sit back and let them and their behaviour speak for themselves. If you criticise, the dynamic becomes a two way battle, distracting from the central issue, deflecting attention onto you and you demean yourself by association.

I'd either take mil at her word and go, or, more likely and more as a favour to your DH, stay and sit in but don't comment or say anything about it unless asked. Stick with basic pleasantries and dutiful concern. Of course if asked direct questions by the police or anyone else you will be factual and truthful.

bronya · 02/08/2013 10:36

They are adults, they don't want you there, go home!

BeCool · 02/08/2013 10:51

Leave them to it - go home.

LunaticFringe · 02/08/2013 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ezio · 02/08/2013 11:13

Bloody idiots, they might be old, but i have no sympathy for anyone who drink drives.

momnipotent · 02/08/2013 11:14

Zero sympathy here, and they should be grateful that nobody has died.

I hope this is the end of their driving career.

Isabeller · 02/08/2013 11:24

Hope you are ok OP. You are being the better person whatever your private thoughts. Perhaps the unpleasant reaction is the uncomfortable stirrings of guilt/responsibility?

May be an idiotic thing to say but the fact that the timing is so unfortunate might help crack their denial of having a problem (don't forget the principles of Alanon, I'm guessing you and DH know all about this [wry smile])

lljkk · 02/08/2013 11:29

complicated set of penalties here.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/08/2013 11:59

At 80+ years will they ever learn though?

Thank goodness no one was seriously hurt.

Off to read the 4th of July thread!

oracleselfservice · 02/08/2013 12:02

I also read your 4th july thread. Silly sods. I'm actually really pleased on your behalf that your argument to your husband that you and your child should NOT have to be driven by them. Hope FIL has the book thrown at him.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/08/2013 12:04

" Yes. I am judging FIL for driving whilst drunk. He is lucky that no-one was killed."

I am not sure I would have been able to restrain myself from saying that ^.

handcream · 02/08/2013 12:07

I have come across various relatives who 'have got away with drink/driving' for years! They seem to think they are teflon coated with regard to being stopped.

Well - horray... This time they were. They know they are in the wrong. Just leave them to it. If your DH has other things to do that are more important then when he asks you why you didnt sort out you can say you were asked to leave.

LemonBreeland · 02/08/2013 12:08

I remember your 4th July thread too.

I hope your FIL is no longer allowed to drive. I think you have done your part by going to the hospital in the first place. I wouldn't go back unless absolutely necessary.

Whothefuckfarted · 02/08/2013 12:13

Leave them there and go home. Going to be blunt here, stuff their pride, stuff the fact that they are old. They could have killed someone the amount of times they've regularly done this. It's so irresponsible.

It's fucking disgusting that no one close to them has had the sense to just report them when they know they drink and drive on a regular basis. They could have killed a child/baby or entire family doing this.

YES I am judging, and so should you.

Whothefuckfarted · 02/08/2013 12:19

I just can't believe that you and your family have known about them doing this so regularly for years and have never reported them.

They are responsible for their own actions, but standing by and not reporting them for years is irresponsible too.

If they had been my family and had left my house or a function that I was at while intoxicated and got in their car I would have rang the police and reported it.

Edinbugger · 02/08/2013 12:27

As soon as I saw this thread title I wondered if it was to do with the 4th July parents. Tbh though I would be tempted to hang around the hospital like a bad smell so they can't try to make out to the police that this is a one off.

alreadytaken · 02/08/2013 12:37

didn't see the other thread but they are elderly and your husband isn't available so you need to do what he would do for them. Once you have seen to it that they are capable of managing for themselves there is no reason you have to stay with them, although they should have your number in case you are needed later. I might call a lawyer for FIL.

I wouldn't want to help them either but you have a duty to see that they have what they need, not necessarily what they want.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5