This is going to sound completely trivial compared to all the awful relationship issues posted on this site but it's really beginning to bother me so I'd like to vent a little about my issues with my mother.
She's mid 60s and has been on her own since father left her in her early 20s, (??as a result) she's very bitter and mistrustful of men and life in general. Over the years i was living at home this made my early relationships with men very difficult. She's also totally risk adverse and has shit over/criticised everything I've done that doesn't conform to her perspective on life or getting above one's station. Examples: she refused to support me doing (ruined my confidence and put me off applying for) a specific course at university (which looking back would have been life changing). So I went into a job which pleased her but which has been a difficult and grinding choice. When I got a cleaner (working full time with DC) she constantly criticised the standard of cleaning and nagged me constantly about the decision until I gave up the cleaner. It's hard to describe how she has successfully undermined so many of my choices, albeit to say it's been through a gradual and sustained criticism and nagging. She won't let anything go she is unhappy with or anxious about, and manages to turn every conversation around until she gets what she wants. She is also a monumental sulker, prickly when she has been slighted and can keep an atmosphere up for days.
She's always been an 'unhappy', difficult woman but since she retired this has got much much worse as she has more time to think and stew. She's fallen out with the few friends she had bar one (their fault of course), her sister sees her but won't go out much with her and definitely won't go away with her on holiday as her need to control and be difficult gets much worse when she is away. She has no hobbies or interests and looks down on people who do. We've taken her on holiday with us for the past few years but I can't do this to DH and DD again as mum sniped/bitched/nagged constantly at DH and I during the last 2 holidays. Unfortunately she now almost expects to come away with us and this has meant this year not inviting her and her looking disappointed and making constant sad/snippy comments about how lovely it must be to be going away. I feel totally responsible for her as am an only child and she lives down the road. Plus, believe it or not from what I've written but she really loves DD and us and is helpful whenever, so it's not all bad. Unfortunately things were awful last week when DH dared to suggest changing DDs schooling to private for secondary, this led to a complete outburst where she massively insulted DH and went completely over the line and verbally attacked him. We were so shocked by the venom it was difficult to respond and the next day mum acted like nothing had even happened. I've tried pointing her behaviour out to her and when she gets onto a contentious issue I tell her I'm not prepared to discuss further. Unfortunately this leads onto a massive outburst and sulk and she refuses to accept anything other than her own view. Most of the time I keep the conversation on a light note but if she has something she needs to nag about or say she makes sure it comes out anyway. She is totally dependent on us for visits and company by the way so I feel massively responsible for her welfare.
Gah, any thoughts about how to manage my relationship with her in a better way? Thank you.