The Dating Thread - episode 60

[Djangounhinged]

If I may?

The history, use and benefits of bitumen (hour long monologue) is also one to avoid.

Trying to sort out babysitter for Alpha night tonight or tomorrow. V excited.

I'm finally awake enough! My head is pounding though.

Still feeling positive this morning. We texted a bit last night to check we both got home okay.

I'll see if he gets in touch today - nervous wait for a second date has commenced!

flipper - glad your date went well too and dodgy conversation topics are something the two of you will laugh about down the line!

So what would be the top 5?
My worst first date conversation was with a girl who told me she'd been fired that day for anger management issues.
Ex-Sex noises has got to be up there, along with Flipper's charming Cancer/oral sex/genital warts convo.

Any others?

I haven't exchanged mails with Aruba in several days, I'd said I'd see her again when I got back. So, is it best to break up with her in advance via email (cowardly, I know) or in person?

I'd do it by email Bant - I think she'd just be all excited and hopeful if you arranged to see her and personally I think it's easier to deal with these things in private rather than having to put a front on and do the stiff upper lip thing face to face. But maybe Hungarians wouldn't do that ...

How quickly did you get out of that date, Bant? I'd have broken records leaving the bar!

Hmm tricky with Aruba. You've definitely decided no more? But she's not emailed you for a few days either? The right thing to do would be to email her as soon as, and let her down gently, but if she's not contacted you..I'm a big coward though...

Just so you don't all think I'm completely weird, I do have a professional interest in the HPV/cancer thing. And I am now quite curious about bitumen. An hour you say? I would never have known there was that much to say...

Snape I think you ought to name and shame the pizza place so we can all make sure never to use them. Spoilsports.

lurkinglorna it is disappointing when someone you like the look of doesn't answer, esp if you have spent a bit of time trying to write an enticing msg - but what good is sending anyone insults? My guess is you aren't suddenly going to go "actually, I'd love to go on a date with you" I don't follow his logic.

delurks

waves to thread

" I really want a Pizza with 'I Love You' written on it in Red Peppers and Tomatoes.

having confidence wobbles and fear of rejection mind games which is keeping me sofa surfing just now. Good to hear some quality dating is happening to others , enjoy it for what it is you lucky people.

're-lurks'

Hmmmm.......personally I'd say there are no default bad topics on conversation. Even really "weird" conversational topics can be good if the moment is right and you're both participating.

But reading the other persons verbal cues and going along with the flow is the important thing?

Small talk is fairly underrated, but for first meets, I'm a massive fan of "building up", sticking to "how was your day?", "weather, journey,work, family?". Or the surroundings or places to go to, or something quite "safe". Or ask about something quite banal on their profile.

Its not showing how "out there" or "bonded" you are at this stage -that's impossible - but just getting comfortable with someone who is practically a complete stranger to you?

I don't really like people who "jump" in with the questions straight away as if trying to "provoke intimacy with how zany we are". We're still strangers ffs.

Classic example: guy last night:

• "do you like me? you don't like me do you? you look like you don't like me? you face looks like X "

• "your face has X expression on it again"

Like within 5 minutes of meeting?

We've exchanged a few e-mails about foreign films and liked the look of each other in photos. Wtf?

I know it's only a brief snippet, Lorna, but he sounds insecure and controlling. Yes, that's a massive jump, but I don't like people who tell me how I'm feeling.

Yeah, Flipper spot on - I think of course some initial insecurity is fine and natural - if the dates with someone you like of course you don't want to be rejected?

But you suck it up and see the date through and make the best impression you can and follow up later, not make whiny passive aggressive statements to a complete stranger. At best it comes across as effeminate, at worst controlling.

I reckon the "do you like me? I bet you don't" becomes a self fulfilling prophecy after a while, men who come across as weak and needing reassurance aren't the most desired option I think.

Oh Lubey That really is not nice.

Pleased to be unworthy of certain PMs

Got babysitter so I'm off out tonight with lovely Alpha - can't wait!

Lubey what OWW and Kin said. you're brilliant and personally I've always admired you. I tried to post earlier that anyone who is low enough to try that type of crap should find the far side of fuck.

All is lovely in Lakelandia, its sunny but stormy, so its sex, food and sleep

I haven't had a PM either - thank goodness, or it would have been met with very short shrift. I consider Lubey a friend, and stupid gossip ain't gonna change that. Ridiculously childish and pathetically vengeful tbh. Shame on you.

If we're talking top 5, surely 'i want to tell you that my sperm is clear and I don't usually get hard bit can still come whilst soft' has to be up there? To be fair, he did insist on buying me a cocktail first as he had something to tell me. Waiting longer than 10 mins from first meeting might have helped too

Juliette WTF was he thinking??

Right. What's the least hurtful reason to end it with Aruba:

1. I met someone else
2. I just don't think we're right for each other
3. Some other reason, answers on a postcard please

1 and 2 are both true, although both are a bit crap seeing as we DTD.

Which is going to make her feel less shitty? Any ideas?

Also - and I've told this before here - showing me a picture of his erect cock on his mobile is definitely up there in my top 5

I may actually write some of these down if I need to end a bad date quickly.

Clear sperm, check. Bitumen (must look on wikipedia). Throat cancer & STDs, check. Anger management, yep.

seraphim - did you not ask 'How do you zoom in on this thing?'

The thing is Bant, you're going to have to accept that she will feel shitty. But that's no reason to not do it, life's too short, these things happen.

I would go for 2) - after all, it's the truth.