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Original poster

The Dating Thread - episode 60

999 replies

Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:21

If I may?

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 02/08/2013 22:09

Had my evening chat with Mr R&R.

Now scoffing half a cheesecake. Its a poor substitute.

DadfromUncle · 02/08/2013 22:13

Cats fed, now scoffing Asda onion bargee (I am single) and about to watch Tyrannosaur. Thanks all for kind words of encouragement.

lurkinglorna · 02/08/2013 22:17

First date report

Well first pof meet since europeangigglegate and yes....nice meet, but guy bit "straight in the friendzonish".

Really cool, considerate ("you don't have time to cook this weekend? right I'm buying you dinner and order more than needed and we'll get you a doggy bag") and rather keen on me?

But not sure I can agree to a second meet (which would be fantastic, as we have loads of shared interests and he has some great suggestions for what to do) in good conscience.

Unless I commit to "coaching" him into being a bit more attractive which seems like a bad idea. He's fine physically in terms of straight looks, but just need to stop slouching and dress a bit better.

This isn't an "ah dammit rant" , I'm sure there's a place for everyone, I probably have my own annoying things, and hell he'll probably be married with beautiful kids to someone who adores him at some point whilst I'm still lairily trolling dating sires late at night like the washed up old harlot I am Hmm

But it seems a shame sometimes that "little things" like the rubbish body language can put me (and presumably other women - he's one of those "so great on paper why is he single?" types and then you find out) off?

KinNora · 02/08/2013 22:33

It all comes down to the fabled 'spark', I reckon Lorna - elusive and frustrating, I've certainly never felt close to it on an online date.

ALittleStranger · 02/08/2013 22:35

Lorna I do get where you are coming from with the body language. Physicality is very important for me in deciding whether I am actually attracted to someone; less their actual looks, more how they hold themselves etc. I once completely went off someone I'd previously had pounding butterflies for because of the way he got off a bar stool.

I do think it sounds worth a second meet though. What if it's nerves? What if he's had really bad wind all day and that made him sit funny? (The wedding speech would write itself if that's the case).

spangledboots · 02/08/2013 22:40

loo update -

he's nice - we're chatting lots but I don't quite fancy him yet...he is cute though. I'm sweating like crazy and my hair looks like crap. where is the air con?!

lurkinglorna · 02/08/2013 22:43

I dunno, I sort of could "call" why it wasn't there? And all of it was "solvable" reasons?

He's tall on the slimmer side of average which is "ok", in fact preferable, but needed to stop hunching and pull his shoulders back to avoid the dowagers hump look. We were sat opposite each other in a cafe (you know, two sofas, coffee table in between).

If he had just "leaned back" and been a bit more "two people enjoying the space" it would have let me build up some attraction. Instead he hunched over and was like

"oh you're listening to the music are you?".

"what are you thinking?".

"you look thoughtful.".

And then the dreaded fucking "you're a bit quiet" line in there.

Lean back and pace yourself, chaps, don't turn in into an interview session it looks weak and nervous.

Bant · 02/08/2013 22:44

Spangled - you're not sweating, you're glowing

lurkinglorna · 02/08/2013 22:45

spangled bonne chance - get some iced tap water with your next drink to cool down Smile

Moanranger · 02/08/2013 22:52

Lookism is tricky. You have to be careful that you are not discarding a great guy due to factors largely beyond his control. Meet Up guy is charming, friendly, gregarious, good conversationalist, generally kind. He is also balding ( beyond his control) and ginger (but where I am from we call 'em redheads & not prejudiced against them. ) He dresses appropriately for his age, could lose a few pounds & be a bit fitter. I spent weeks pondering if the positives outweighed looks shortcomings & I now have no regrets.
I also find him more attractive now that we are involved.
I think you have to establish your parameters - I for one cannot countenance beer bellies - but be open- minded & focus on what's important. Maybe a second or third date to clarify.

scrazy · 02/08/2013 22:52

If you are still reading Velvet, then hi from me and nice to hear things are going well. x

lurkinglorna · 02/08/2013 22:53

Stranger I'm toying with the idea, will mull it and maybe review after I've got through some other 1st meets.

KinNora · 02/08/2013 22:54

Spangled drop an ice cube down your bra ? - classy, practical and just that tiny bit provocative

OhWesternWind · 02/08/2013 23:00

Even better, get him to drop an ice cube down your bra ...

lurkinglorna · 02/08/2013 23:02

ooh I love an "auburn haired" chap moanranger, the favoured ex was of the "bronze blonde" variety as he used to call it Smile

48howdidthathappen · 02/08/2013 23:07

Spangled So you could fancy him?

Looks aren't overly important to me, although I do think that is easier meeting in RL. Years ago I knew a bloke that made me laugh like no other man has, ever. He was no looker. More to the point he was fucking married.

OhWesternWind · 02/08/2013 23:14

The children and I are all on the blonde/ginger spectrum, freckles and all, I love it. Gingers rock!

I don't really think I'm that bothered by looks so long as they reach the average/pleasant baseline. Alpha is balding a bit and is also a bit shorter than advertised, but I really don't care. He has a nice friendly face which is much better than being classically handsome, a gorgeous accent and very relaxed, confident body language. Just lovely.

lurkinglorna · 02/08/2013 23:24

Ok. Does anyone think one can discreetly coach a guy into better body language? Confused I just want something like what Oww's Alpha has - "relaxed, confident" body language?

I think that's often why I seem to have better initial "chemistry" with hardcore corporate or military types rather than techie types. But then my intellectual/life goals side has more in common with the geeky techie types?

ps as I moan here, the european is probably posting on Mensnet about my giggly body language. He who casts the first stone and all that? Grin

KinNora · 02/08/2013 23:28

More ginger love here, more redheads in my family, including mum and brother than you can throw a stick at, it's freckle central.

Show me a funny, kind, nerdy man with an open face and I couldn't give a toss whether he's handsome or not (WFF's seen Spud, she knows this )

spangledboots · 02/08/2013 23:59

I've had more wine and I think I fancy him a bit. We need to leave the bar soon...

Flipper934 · 03/08/2013 00:48

Back from date with martial arts guy, am very excited that the date actually happened! I felt rather overdressed (nice top, jeans, heels) for a nice country pub, but I couldn't think what else to wear.p

He's really nice, normal, funny...there's no obvious red flags, and he's asked to see me again on Sunday (well, he asked if he could see me tomorrow, but I'm busy). Just a friendly kiss and hug goodnight, which was fine by me. He's shorter than I would normally fancy, and bigger built (always had a thing for tall, wiry lads), but I laughed a lot, and I find that very attractive.

No massive spark, but then the last two times I've had massive sparks have been from 3DD and flirty married friend. Both of which I'm sure are a result of mixing chemistry, pheromones and danger, and which is all very well, but not a good basis for a relationship.

Is it very wrong for me to be slightly bothered by the fact that I earn nearly twice what he does, though?

Spangled, how's it going?

lurkinglorna · 03/08/2013 01:05

You can be slightly bothered by anything you like Flipper its not wrong or right what you feel, it just "is" says she who has been bothered by a slouching date

I think its a bit weird pretending income differentials AREN'T of interest when often they are (if only in a "are we going to be able to keep up financially?" way). I'd just keep on dating and see what happens. Glad you had a good date btw Smile

Yeah hope it's going well spangled let us know when you can! Smile

lurkinglorna · 03/08/2013 01:14

ps personally i think martial arts capacity and the capacity to fight to the death for you compensates for the salary thing. Its like the Bodyguard movie Grin

Bant · 03/08/2013 01:18

or Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. Or Bert and Ernie

spangledboots · 03/08/2013 01:19

So, he's a bit of a gent (which is not what I'm used to if I'm honest)

We had a lot to talk about which was great and it wasn't really awkward at all. He's actually fairly good looking (I just didn't feel the need to rip his clothes off immediately) and he was pretty well dressed.

He walked me to the taxi rank and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek (very tame!) but then texted soon after to check if I'd got home okay and to say he was sorry that it was a bit short and sweet in front of the taxi steward.

All in all it was fairly successful. Sparks didn't fly but I'd still like to see him again...

Now I need to sleep off my winehead!