Really worried about friend in possible romance scam

[SlumberingDormouse]

I've just heard something from a good friend that has really worried me and I would like to hear others' opinions.

A bit of background: My friend has been very lonely since her divorce in February (the marriage was, by her own admission, a disaster and only lasted a year). She has always been the sort of person who jumps into relationships.

The current situation: She has met someone on a dating site, whom she has been talking to for 3 months. He claims to be in the US army currently based abroad. She says that he must be genuine because they have spoken on webcam on Skype. However, to me that is not conclusive proof that he is legitimate. I am aware that scams involving fake US soldiers are very common.

What's really scaring me is that this man is coming to stay with my friend for a week very soon! She has never met him before! He claims to have a house nearby but 'doesn't want to be alone' so he's staying with my friend. This is after he supposedly returns from his last army placement to retire.

To me, there are a lot of red flags here. I think my friend is absolutely crazy and I am terrified for her safety - but she insists she is in love with this man and knows him well.

Any advice would be welcome please.

[SlumberingDormouse]

The threats came through to her mobile and home telephone. She's going to contact the police again tonight, so hopefully they'll take her seriously. I don't think there is any mad rush if the police do want to do a sting operation, as these scammers have obviously been operating for months/years already and they will undoubtedly continue pursuing my friend for money for the foreseeable future... :(

I do worry that she may be susceptible to a 'second sting' as she keeps saying that she wants to 'get her own back' (VERY bad idea). She also seemed rather naive about the fact that these scammers are not going to give up now and will continue to try again under different guises. At least she is now aware of that fact so will hopefully recognise it if/when it happens.

There was unfortunately no way of contacting the other woman who's been scammed by the same guy/gang, since she just left a (common) first name and no email address.

[fedupwithdeployment]

I am very sorry that your friend is going through this.

I work for a money transfer company, and our channels are used by fraudsters (as well as by legit people obviously!) Never ever send money through this type of medium to someone you have not met.

I too find it hard to understand why clever individuals would fall for this type of scam, but have seen enough examples of it happening to stop being so judgemental. The scammers are clever and will push buttons. They will also hack into email accounts of people you know and send demands for money. My uncle has been caught like this. I also suspect that if you fall for one scam you will almost certainly be targetted again.

[WafflyVersatile]

She's given them money already then?

[SlumberingDormouse]

Yes. I have a rough idea of how much but would rather not say as she is extremely embarrassed and upset. Let's just say it's a 5-figure sum.

[cloudskitchen]

Yikes. Oh no and what a worry. I hope the police do something to help her. I'd be inclined to change phone and mobile numbers and email address. Even passwords to various things just in case.

[tribpot]

My god, she must not seek to get them back, these are hardened criminals! Do they know she is on to them, or did the threats come before the supposed 'trapped in Ghana' story?

OP you can ask MN to move the thread to a less visible area of the site if you wish.

[comingintomyown]

Well in her shoes I would change all my emails and mobile details asap and not look back.

She has made a huge error but should cut her losses and forget revenge, whats that saying about the revenge seeker digging two graves ?

[ImperialBlether]

So I know you say she was on Skype with this man, but was she exchanging texts, too? And the landline - how did he have that number? Did she call him or did he call her?

I don't understand what's happening now. I thought once they got some money off you, they disappeared into thin air.

What are the threats? What can they threaten her with? Who is making the threats?

There was a woman on a Channel 4 programme about dating a few weeks ago - she'd given £70,000 to this guy (and she looked like she didn't have much so not sure how she did it) and once she said she'd got no more money, she didn't hear from him again. I thought that was the normal scam.

[ImperialBlether]

I would have thought they would have a wide sting, whereby they tried to get a bit of money off as many as possible, rather than a sting where they all go all out for one person. After all, once a person's run out of money, what can they do? And the sooner they disappear, the more likely they are to get away with things.

[meditrina]

There are links about to the US authorities, who are interested in these frauds because if the impersonation of US military personnel.

I think that your friend should also report to them, as the physical appearance of one of the gang seems to go beyond what they describe in the links, and might be an important development for investigators.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

How awful for your friend, OP.
Thank you so much for sharing, very educational.

I would suggest to your friend to get a completely new computer in addition to changing email address(es), etc.

Has she looked into her credit reports yet? The criminals may be onto her for Identity Theft as well.

[flatmum]

if she wants revenge tell her to put the contact details she has for then (anonymously) on here: www.419eater.com sure they'll enjoy stringing them along.

[ImperialBlether]

I doubt she has contact details for him, does she? Everything he uses will be throwaway or temporary.

[flatmum]

she'll have an email contact for him. and as far as he (they) know the scam is still in play.

[ImperialBlether]

I think they'd have to be a bit stupid to think that they could threaten her and she wouldn't call the police. Mind you, it's only now she's doing that.

I really don't understand the timeline of this, though. At what point did she meet someone? When did the threatening phone calls occur?

[Caster8]

There was a thread like this on here a few weeks ago.

The conman was out to take everything the educated woman had.
And this woman too, wanted to chase her money. It was her way of trying to control the situation .

I think the "get her own back" is much the same thing. The woman again trying to control things in some way.

[arsenaltilidie]

Unfortunately there is nothing the police can do. The person she met will say it was for a 'business deal' and the guy they should ask is in Nigeria. Once in Nigeria there is nothing they can do, they are so many of them. I'm sure it's also frustrating for the police.

However, she need not worry about her safety, nothing will happen to her physically. In truth it's usually just a bunch of young men in some dingy cafe in Nigeria; don't underestimate education in Nigeria.

In 6 months time they will probably come back asking for more money often with a very plausible story.

She needs to change her contact details, check her credit history and cut her losses.

[SlumberingDormouse]

Unfortunately my friend gave out her home phone number and address. The mind truly boggles. I hadn't thought of the identity theft thing :( but I suppose that's yet another thing she should be concerned about. Her credit score may be in danger anyway as she has taken out several loans to pay the scammer(s). I wonder whether she went through all her savings first but I'm not sure I really want to know the full extent of it, to be honest! This is bad enough.

Apparently the usual M.O. of these guys is to 'work on' several victims at once, but most will keep going if they think there is any possibility of getting any more money. After all, by that point the victim is hooked. Some people have lost their life savings and houses and the scammers have still persuaded them to take out further loans!

We have a mutual friend who is an experienced 'scambaiter' on 419eater and he can't wait to get stuck in with this one! The priorities right now though are my friend's safety, reporting this to the police, and making sure she doesn't hand over more under any circumstances. I just wish she'd told me earlier and she says the same.

[SlumberingDormouse]

I don't understand the timeline either. It really is like a can of worms - multiple scammers involved (seemingly), multiple countries, love letters/threats, multiple payments in person and by wire transfer. Seriously, what a mess.

I feel so sorry for my friend but also can't help feeling angry that she's gotten so deep into this (unfair, I know, but I wish she had been more cautious - one Google search of any of the scammer's details would have uncovered everything!).

[ImperialBlether]

What I don't understand is this. On Sunday she told you she was going to meet him soon. By Monday she knew he was a spammer but still turned up at the airport. Why would anyone do this?

And when were the threats made? How could she think all was fine on Sunday if she had already received threats?

What did they threaten to do?

[comingintomyown]

is anyone this daft ?

[skyeskyeskye]

there was another thread a couple of weeks ago, but that was a bit different in that she had met the man, he was not an unknown face on the internet. She had dated him several times. He told her a sob story and she willingly parted with money as she believed that she was helping him and that he would repay her.

That is different to this, as this is a well known, well publicized scam which is run by gangs, not by one man trying his luck. The man in question simply does not exist.

Sadly, there is little chance of your friend seeing her money again. Also, although it is a scam, she also willingly parted with it, albeit thinking she was helping out her boyfriend. Nobody held a gun to her head to make her part with the money. She could have said no, she didn't have it, but sadly believed that she was in love with somebody and that she was helping them.

There should be a lot more public awareness of these sorts of scams. It is usually women that are the victims, although men have been fooled as well. Never ever part with money over the internet, never give it to somebody that you haven't met. Never fall for a sob story about illness, family problems, waiting for money etc.

Another important thing is mentioned in the info that I posted above. Never ever put yourself in a compromising position with Skype, photos etc of a naked variety, or committing sex acts on camera. These will later be used against you as blackmail.

All that your poor friend can do now, is to cut her losses, report it to the police and try and sort out her finances as best as she can so that she doesnt fall into debt.

[Caster8]

How many women are there falling for this

Are we sure this isnt the same woman? Yes, I think the other woman did actually date the man. But he lived locally too if I remember.

op, are you sure that she hasnt met him a few times?

[Dededum]

My mantra which covers most things is:

If it looks too good to be true it probably is.

• online love now fits into that category
  

Sympathy for your friend, you are a good mate.

[clam]

" The man in question simply does not exist."

^^This! Exactly. This was my point earlier about one not being able to fall in love with an internet persona. Because in all reality, that person does not exist, it's just a figment of a sad, lonely person's imagination.