Really worried about friend in possible romance scam

[SlumberingDormouse]

I've just heard something from a good friend that has really worried me and I would like to hear others' opinions.

A bit of background: My friend has been very lonely since her divorce in February (the marriage was, by her own admission, a disaster and only lasted a year). She has always been the sort of person who jumps into relationships.

The current situation: She has met someone on a dating site, whom she has been talking to for 3 months. He claims to be in the US army currently based abroad. She says that he must be genuine because they have spoken on webcam on Skype. However, to me that is not conclusive proof that he is legitimate. I am aware that scams involving fake US soldiers are very common.

What's really scaring me is that this man is coming to stay with my friend for a week very soon! She has never met him before! He claims to have a house nearby but 'doesn't want to be alone' so he's staying with my friend. This is after he supposedly returns from his last army placement to retire.

To me, there are a lot of red flags here. I think my friend is absolutely crazy and I am terrified for her safety - but she insists she is in love with this man and knows him well.

Any advice would be welcome please.

[meditrina]

And adverse odds on his suddenly needing an advance for his airfare?

[bluehearted]

If his work is "top secret" he wouldn't be online dating and skpying whilst on deployment. That's just ridiculous! I feel sorry for your friend getting sucked into his lies and feeling like she's falling for him.

[Roshbegosh]

Sadly she won't be the first clever woman in a high flying job to be made a fool of like this. I understand many cases never get reported because of the humiliation. I hope you get some sense in to her.

[Juniperdewdropofbrandy]

She may have a high flying job but common sense has flown out of her window!

[Punkatheart]

My mother nearly fell for the same thing. It is always the same story - he will be an army officer who will respond to all her comments by mirroring them. My mother goes to a Methodist church - this man did too. Then they are retiring and will be coming over to a friend's house. Suddenly there will be a problem and he will need money to help. He will never arrive but she will pay.

Please google some info and make her see sense.

[tribpot]

I'm baffled as to why she thinks having skyped him is proof of his identity. His story sounds lame in the extreme, and I think for her own safety you need to tell her so. She is mad in the head if she lets him stay at her house.

[cozietoesie]

A high flying job will mean a high salary and probable savings - which makes it worth any scammer's while to invest some time in the mark. Nothing is completely impossible but the odds are so bad for her that I don't blame you for thinking of an intervention.

[LottieJenkins]

Show her this thread!

[Punkatheart]

They will ask the person they are about to scam to come off the dating site and do private messaging instead. It all fits definite pattern. It is usually for very vulnerable women. My poor mum still talks about 'him' as if he was the man in the picture. In reality, it is probably a gang.

www.executivegov.com/2010/03/army-impersonators-scam-women-on-dating-social-networking-sites/

[cozietoesie]

I'd lay reasonable money, in fact, on something happening in connection with 'his house' which makes it necessary for him to 'borrow' money from her in order to 'sell it' and 'set up home with her'.

[Punkatheart]

Show her this link:

marriedtothearmy.com/are-you-dating-an-army-soldier-or-a-fake/

[SwedishHouseMat]

100% scam. Why supposedly intelligent women fall for this sort of crap is beyond me.

[Punkatheart]

It's nothing to do with intelligence - there are often cleverly done and some people are vulnerable, newly divorced or bereaved. Once you know about it - of course you are wary. But a lot of people still take it at face value, particularly women of my mother's generation, who believe that people tell the truth and don't really understand the Internet...

[cozietoesie]

Because they're vulnerable - and the scammers are good at what they do. Plenty of people fall for scams of all sorts - not all like these US soldier ones - and it all seems obvious after the event. Just not while they're living in the middle of it.

[Roshbegosh]

Intelligence doesn't offer much protection for people that are naive and needy, they need to have a healthy level of cynicism.

[cozietoesie]

Just remember that if this is a scam, it's likely serious crime. The scammers go for vulnerable people (online dating is good territory for them - lots of people desperately wanting a new relationship) with a solid financial history.

Take a prospective Mark X. (Male or female.) High salary, maybe £50k in savings, own their own home, either entirely or largely. That's an easy £100k in prospect for Joe Scammer.

And they usually have lots of these people in their clutches - just need to keep a computer online and keep their information reasonably straight. So that could be an easy £1 or £2 million pounds for half a year's low risk work.

It's not Toytown this stuff.

[Roshbegosh]

Yes, a lot easier and more lucrative than working and less risk than drug or gun dealing or people trafficking. It is sophisticated crime.

[BalloonSlayer]

I knew of someone else who had a soldier coming to visit - he never turned up. She was frantic. She had a meal cooked for him and everything. She was so worried about what might have happened to him. Turned out he had "had a car accident" and wasn't able to make it to her house. Riiiiiiight. She totally believed it all. Can't imagine why. I don't think she had given him any money but I didn't know her well enough to ask.

[Kernowgal]

Funnily enough I was just reading about something similar this morning.

Some links here:

www.scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6528&sid=ca121792176f67871d7fe846266be8e9

www.scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=74051

london.usembassy.gov/dao/internet_fraud.html

The "house in the UK" bit is what made me go .

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I agree. He'll come up with a reason why he needs cash.

I hope she doesn't send him any.

[tribpot]

And from the links Kernowgal has given, there is this actual document from the US Army's Criminal Investigation Command. She needs to read this.

[LemonDrizzled]

When I was OD I met a man who was in a top secret military job overseas and skyped me from his barracks. He was retiring too. I was hugely sceptical but it was actually true!!
Sadly he was a knob and it didn't work out but the whole thing gave me and my girlfriends some hilarious times trying to work out what was real.
Just tell your friend to be careful

[TheNewSchmoo]

I had a "friend" once (not a romantic liaison thankfully), who was travelling the world and we would chat on skype. Randomly only ever by the chat instant message thing and not face to face. He said the wifi kept dropping in and out....

Turned out he was no friend and was an incredibly bad apple, but my point is, she may well be talking to him on skype, but not seeing him. Regretfully in these cases people usually won't listen to those who care about them and have to learn the hard way.

[SlumberingDormouse]

Well, I've found definite proof he's a scammer.

I found the following post by a British woman earlier this year on a military scams warning site. I've flagged in bold what matches, and redacted identifying details as I don't want the scammer or my friend finding this thread:

'I too have been scammed. This person's name is FIRSTNAME SURNAME exactly as my friend knows him, he?s in the military yes, his story is he has lost his wife yes and has a son yes, and he is working in Iraq on some mission yes and will be leaving in two weeks back to the UK yes...'

It continues with a story of there being a problem with the flight, followed by a request for money etc. So it's exactly as we expected. His name is on other scam warning sites as well.

My friend seemed shocked when I called her this afternoon to tell her what I've found, but she did listen to me. Unfortunately she is still planning to meet this guy at the airport tomorrow . I know he won't turn up but I just hope she won't send any money.