I would be really grateful for some perspective or advice or even just a few kind words!
My husband is a lovely, kind, caring man and an excellent hands on father to our children and generally a wonderful husband. I really do love him to bits.
However, he is rubbish with money. He runs his own business (badly) and over the last 10 years or so has been stacking up business debts. He is averaging about £1000 per month of credit card debt to creditors. I am certain it is not gambling or spending.
He consistently lies about his debts, intercepts the post, hides statements etc.
On at least 5 occasions I have discovered his hidden debts and he cries, hates himself, promises to get on top of things, will never do it again blah blah. I pay it off or sort out repayment plans, worry myself sick and then lo and behold a few months later I find he's done it again.
Over the years I have paid off 90k of debt (I earn ok plus I've had a large inheritance).
Last year I discovered a further 30k of debt, I have sorted 0% card shifts and repayments plans and warned him this was the absoloute last time I could cope with this. Again he cried, promised he would change, cut up all the credit cards etc.
He refuses any offers of help to go through his books etc.
I found out yesterday in the last 6 months he's wracked up another 7k of business debt (all on personal credit cards).
The same groundhog day of him crying, promising he will change etc etc.
Now clearly the business isn't working although it definitely has the potential to make lots of money (he has lots of work, is good at his job). However, he has never actually sat down and worked out what is going wrong. I am so frustrated, how can he ever change if he can't even identify what the underlying problem is?
It seems to me on the surface that he is paying to go to work and we would be better off him staying at home and me working full time (although this would be a struggle).
He argues that as the business can make money he should keep going with it, he just needs to work harder.
I work very long hours that we would struggle to get childcare for and I rely on him for drop offs and pick ups and we have a child who is frequently hospitalised so I really rely on him so him being employed by someone else would be really difficult. I suspect this is the reason his business is failing, he just can't put the hours in.
Anyhow I am rambling to try and explain but my real dilema is that I feel having warned him I would kick him out if it happened again I need to follow through. I am totally aware that I am enabling his behaviour.
My options are stay with him but sort his business (and debts) out, force him to give up work, or kick him out and ensure a secure future for myself and my 2 children.
The amounts of money involved and the secure future we could have had makes me sick. The lies are the worst and I am an emotional wreck.
I love him and really don't know what to do. I'm too embarassed to speak to anyone in real life. I would be really grateful for any replies.