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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being paranoid?

67 replies

remaininganon · 08/02/2004 22:22

A year or so ago I found out that dh had been very friendly with a colleague - daily lengthy emails, text messages etc. Nothing much else (she is overseas, they met on a course abroad), though dh admitted to a snog when they met in London. but the relationship had become rather flirtatious, including exchanging valentines gifts and dh also writing and recording a love song.

Dh agreed to stop the correspondence and seems to have done so. It did hurt that he had managed to hide everything so well - it was purely due to an ill timed email that I found out - he was very deliberately hiding his tracks. We have been in counselling, and whilst I don't entirely trust him, we're getting on OK. The correspondence would have lasted 3 months in total.

I have been searching on Friends Reunited and noted the dh had updated his details recently, including in his list of "20 favourite words" a phrase that seemed to be significant in his correspondence with this woman (it was the title of the song he wrote, plus featured as their chatroom name - may have other conotations - I never saw any correspondence). Searching on this woman's details she has also included it(both have updated their details in the last month, she did so first).

Am I being paranoid in wondering whether they are still in touch or trying to communicate? Should I say anything?

OP posts:
Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:24

I would delete him from Freinds reunited - do you know his password? and then act innocent.

Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:25

whats the phrase?

remaininganon · 08/02/2004 22:26

phrase is "blue mountains". I do know his password - was thinking of just deleting this phrase...

OP posts:
Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:27

No all of it. why could that be a faourite word normally..? odd

has she a list of fave words too?

thats not normal on f r is it?

havent been on for years

beetroot · 08/02/2004 22:31

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Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:31

aaha me beety we agree again..

br what do you think?

popsycal · 08/02/2004 22:32

i would delete it too

Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:32

go on do it now

has hse a list?

beetroot · 08/02/2004 22:32

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remaininganon · 08/02/2004 22:32

It's a new feature (lots of them recently including friends dating!). None of his words are "normal" but that stands out to me for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:33

OOOHHH YEEES! do that ra

remaininganon · 08/02/2004 22:34

Did notice that this other woman does name her hasband as a favorite word, but I don't get a mention (in dh's list that is!)

OP posts:
beetroot · 08/02/2004 22:34

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remaininganon · 08/02/2004 22:35

Possibly a little less subtle than just removing the phrase though!

OP posts:
Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:36

yes but bet he woul d never metnion it!

beetroot · 08/02/2004 22:36

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remaininganon · 08/02/2004 22:36

So my initial thought of confronting him when he comes home doesn't receive a vote then? I'll try the subtle approach then

OP posts:
Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:37

Oh yes and he would know to shu tup

Just looked my dh up

Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:37

very good

do it now

remaininganon · 08/02/2004 22:37

I'm probably the only person who knows the particulr combination of email address/password.

OP posts:
Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:39

yes fine! do it. you haev themoral high ground

If he wanted to leave it in then ask what relevance it has,

Bet you he never notices/mentions it

beetroot · 08/02/2004 22:39

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Coddy · 08/02/2004 22:40

beety tend to be less impulsive than me
go with her advice.

Enchanted · 08/02/2004 22:41

I don't think you are being paranoid. I would delete his details and tell him anymore funny business and he's had it!
Go with your gut!

beetroot · 08/02/2004 22:41

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