How do you ensure quality time spent with dp?

[Feelingabitused]

I ask because I feel dh happily neglects me to do what he wants with whom he wants, but if I reply in kind, like take up a hobby, meet friends, he is definitely cheesed off/ wants to come along and check up on me/ suggests we do that together...
I checked up on controlling husbands and he could fit the bill on several points, but if pushed I'd say he seems more like a spoiled 10 year old!
But I don't want to be his mum...
Anyone out there who solved their marital problems amicably and are still together?

Not exactly totally resolved, but was/am in a similarish position to you. It's taken some fairly hard conversations to show DP how bad it had become for me. Before that, although I had tried to talk, DP just hadn't seen what it was doing to me. We are going to counselling together and time will tell how things will pan out, but until I'd really laid it on the line, we were sleepwalking into separation. If you don't want that (and I guess you don't), talk and talk seriously. Don't be afraid to be clear about how you feel for fear of it leading to 'ultimatums' because if you aren't clear, it'll get to that point anyway, but almost by accident/passivity.

Thanks coffee, that's exactly it.
Dh does not like me critical in any way, feels terribly entitled and put upon and will even raise his voice and try to guilt me into shutting up by starting to cry.
However, I persevere and only when he admits wrong doing and promises better behaviour does he get a cuddle (why does this sound as if I'm potty training a toddler or getting a dog to do tricks ?)
We do have good times, but it sometimes feels like: there, see, I'm nice to you when I want, now shut up let me be a selfish pig again...

I'm pretty much at the same place (promises to be more attentive etc - will see how that goes), and doing the counselling primarily so we can talk to someone independent about who is being reasonable about what etc. Not that counsellors are always perfect of course, but it's easy over a long time period to have distorted views of your roles in a relationship, and a 'sense check' feels like a good idea.

Stick with it. You sound like you're being totally reasonable, but even if you're not, happiness is happiness - sometimes you can't explain it logically, you can just feel it.

"feels terribly entitled and put upon and will even raise his voice and try to guilt me into shutting up by starting to cry."

That's actually pretty disturbing behaviour from an adult. As is him stalking you when you're trying to socialise without him. You say he ticks a lot of the boxes for 'controlling', but I'd honestly go so far as to say that you're in an emotionally abusive relationship with a very selfish man who resorts to some pretty low attention-seeking and guilt-inducing tricks if things aren't going 100% his way.

I don't think this man is going to change, whatever you do. Counselling is certainly not recommended for someone so manipulative. The only choices you have are to carry on tolerating dancing to his tune or to reject him out of hand.

Cogito - Jesus Christ, yes!

Dh does not like me critical in any way, feels terribly entitled and put upon and will even raise his voice and try to guilt me into shutting up by starting to cry.
He sounds like a woman
No one wants to be told you are a shite partner.
And people never change.
Has your relationship been always like this??

You said he fits the controlling husband on several bits, then what bits does he not fit into.