came across a few interesting texts, now what?

[houmousandcarrotsandwich]

Been married to dh for 7 years in August and have 2 young dc. As far as I was aware all was ok, life has been hard work with 2 little ones but I assume this is normal.
Then last night dh had left his phone on charge while he showered (he's usually very attached to it) and as I went passed he received a text. It flashes up who and the message, I see its a woman (whose name I've never heard him mention). Message said something along the lines of I hate it when we talk and everyone is watching. Do I hsd a quick look at his messsges. Only had a few minutes but looked pretty friendly all texts ending in kisses, there were also similar from another woman.

I have never gone through his phone before. What the hell do I do now?! If I confront him I show I've been through his phone and don't trust him (which before last night I did)

Any ideas on how I get any more evidence?

crikey, you have been through it haven't you?! I wouldn't wait for STI check in your shoes tbh, you have more than enough evidence

I'd kick him out NOW. It makes no difference to wait until the test results anymore. I'm sorry OP.

If you're going to lie, you could always say you had them back anyway.

What a shit (the selfie with DS in the background and pictures of the newborn. Nice touch). I hope this gives you the resolve now. Sending strength to get you through. Throw his sorry arse out.

You have been asking about getting more evidence all the way through your thread, but really, you have enough to have reached the end of your tether and I doubt if you will find more. You have enough.

You mentioned your inheritance. I would suggest you make that safe before you do anything else. I do not know if he would be legally entitled to that if you divorce, but I would make sure that in the meantime, he had no access to it.

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

Sod evidence, gather up the shreds of your dignity and get out!

Don't worry he will be going!
I decided if I hadn't had results by now, I would wait until after the weekend, or I would have no childcare when I work this weekend. I don't want to mess work around at the last minute (I'm the only one on call) and as this is my only shift this month, I will only get paid if I work IYSWIM

I'm freezing our joint savings later. Have told him I need to do it for my tax return to show a frozen tax paid figure (he's not clever enough to argue with that as he doesn't have to do a tax return)

Have got all my forms ready to apply for tax credits and council tax reductions.

Have spoke to CAB and that's all I can really do for now. My solicitors are pretty good and have dealt with my inheritance and house purchase so they have all my stuff on file. CAB have warned me he has every right to apply for 1/2 of everything in divorce as we had no pre nup. But under the circumstances the courts would hopefully be more in my favour. Let's just say, he's done very well for himself just by being married to me already!

But I know I will survive. If I have to sell up and move on I will. If I have to work 10 jobs, I will. I am going to bring my kids up knowing that there is so much more to life then money and materialistic stuff.

Thanks for all the hand holding x

Also just wanted to say, if any of you poor souls end up in my situation, I can't recommend the Chumplady website enough. It's FANTASTiC!
Some of the one liners are brilliant, my personal favourite being "you cannot have all the benefits of marriage and have a side dish of fuck because you aren't 'happy' "

Houmous, there's no shame whatsoever in giving it another go. Had he been a decent bloke who had let a bit of texting get out of hand (which is what you were led to believe) been true it could have been the right decision. Unfortunately he was lying, has never stopped lying and WILL never stop lying.

It's hard dealing with a liar when you are honest, you want to believe them. That's why you wanted proof. Well now you have the proof with a cherry on top. Well done you for being decisive and choosing to give your dcs a mum who is strong and independent.

Just wanted to say how impressive you are :)

Thanks YouKnowOfTheCrunch not feeling too impressive right now!

Mumsnet has been a lifesaver through this. I keep my dirty laundry out of my friendships in RL (although once he's out the world will know he's a super twat this time, no keeping it a secret). It's given me a place to talk to non judgementals whonhave walked in my shoes.

You guys are the best hand holders a 30 something soon to be single mum of 2 could ask for

Well you are impressive.

Speaking as the 30 something with 3 dcs who left her "catch" over 2 years ago now, it's hard, but it gets easier.

And now my life has never been better and the dcs are so happy and settled.

Mumsnet is amazing for support, it really is.

But you're the one doing the hard bit. So you are most impressive :)

houmous I've read the whole thread and am so glad you are going to get rid. You have more than enough [unsavoury and shabby] evidence.

He is not going to change - ever. You are absolutely doing the right thing. When he is gone you will feel relief at not having to live with someone betraying you, without having to constantly check up on emails and texts etc.

You will be able to walk down the road, with dignity, knowing no one's fucking up your head, respecting yourself, knowing you are an excellent mum...knowing you are no longer controlled by lies, and be proud of having a backbone. You will have more peace of mind, less stress, more self respect, a higher self esteem.

I've done it, a long time ago. I thought 'what is the point of being with someone who does not want you'? No one can change anyone who is basically a cheat and a liar. Me and sons went on to be a strong family unit, and to this day they are my best friends...priceless.

My family also didn't get it, but they had no self awareness whatsoever and in each case were in dysfunctional relationships that they chose not to face up to. It's tough without family support but you are [will be] the the master of your ship and free....free to live your life and have a good life with your DC. You'll be fine. Good luck.

Thanks, just read my last post. Sounds like I've had a few !!!

I will keep you all posted, as I know it's nice to know how it all 'goes' once you've gotten involved in a thread.

Houmous, i so feel for you, this was me just 8 short weeks ago, found a hotel booking for him and his OW when he told me he was on a boys night out, i screamed, shouted, did everything wrong, my girls had to listen to it, BUT i moved out ,have a lovely rented house, Christmas will not be the same for me,but WILL be for my DD, we have our tree up, going to xmas fairs, i will keep faking it tiill i make it basically, you just get through just get your strength from knowing you are a fabulous Mum and giving up isnt an option, i got through by KNOWING im a kind, beautiful person who would never have behaved like him, it still hurts, its baby steps with that one, but from one who knows, it DOES get betterxxx

houmous ive just read your thread, and want to congratulate you on the beginning of your new life without an arsehole in it!! I have been a single parent and it is hard, but it is definitely easier than being in a crap relationship with no trust or respect.

I'm sorry to hear you haven't got the support of your family, but come back here and keep posting for support. Youre life will be initially hard and stressful, but that will get easier and be very very worth it in the long run. Well done for doing the right thing for yourself and your kids.

x

Thanks again every one for the support.

Still no sti results, really hope I get them monday, so this can all be over.

I do have to stop myself smiling when he says something about next week and I am thinking "you ain't gonna be here so don't worry! "

Works not as busy as i hoped to keep my mind off it. And today would have been my dads birthday, so have had a 'moment' or two

Keep you posted x

I have just caught up and read the whole thread. I can't tell you how happy I am to get to this point and know that a happy ending is on the horizon for you.
I doubt it will feel that way at first, especially when you have to listen to his lies and cover ups when you confront him and throw him out.

I hope you are starting to feel liberated at the prospect of life without lies though. Keep hold of that, regardless of what he says or does.

I'm so pleased I got to witness the start of your new life. I'm sorry you've had to put up with all this but comparing your old and new posts shows just how much stronger you are. You are the one in control now! All the very best to you and your new smaller, but honest and happier family!

Houmous, Hope that you have support in RL and you are looking after yourself. You are doing everything you can for you and your dcs to have the life you should.xx

HandC just read your thread, you are incredible and sound so together. You actually sound invigorated by the future, have a feeling it is going to be very bright. Tes x

I hope it's innocent.

However 80% of women that suspect their husbands of cheating are correct!!!

The statistic men don't want us to know so they can call us crazy and paranoid!

really hope it works out for you. there are some fabulous people on here for support

Just read thus thread. my god you are amazing. I would love to see his face when the bomb hits. you and your children deserve a better future and by sounds of it you are gearing up for a happier one. All the best to you, will be thinking of you x

Just read this through and just want to say, what a bastard! And good for you for getting rid. I hope in time you meet a real man who treats you and your children with respect.

Wouldn't mind being a fly on the wall when you kick him out, he is going to get the shock of his life. Please please please think of some really nasty things to say to him but deliver in a composed way and don't take any of his shit.

Hope he doesn't get 50% of everything in your divorce, he deserves nothing.

Sorry just read the whole thread.

Humous you are amazing.

Take a deep breath when you are ready, do not scream. Do not about and very calmly - let the fucker have it!!!!!

You are so strong, you and your children will be just fine and I'm certain a year from now you will be on here saying how great life is now you aren't with that useless fuckwad that doesn't deserve you.

You are fab Humous and a brilliant Mother x

You guys are all so great!!

SimplyTes your right I think I do feel invigorated!
And all of you who have said this is my new exciting chapter, I really hope it is! !!

Just been on my work Xmas do (without H, as hes babysitting) and dont feel lost without him by my side.

Didn't share the story with any work mates, but was nice to have some time out from it all (not even drinking as on call)

I will tell you all about when I hit him with it!

Thanks again x