I'm finding this thread encapsulating. Firstly Seth, go you! You are absolutely right, and a voice of reason in this thread. Ledkr however, you are of course, also right, in all you say.
People should be strong, people should confront their fears and ask for the truth.
However, I don't see the point of this support network as that where we stand on our higher ground of 'experience' in responding to need and expect the same behaviours that we have learned as a result of coming through the hardship and pain that life lessons have taught us.
Some compassion please. We've been there, I lost the man I thought I loved. Overnight he became a man I didn't recognise. Looked the same, but not the same. I could not think clearly. I took a lot of support from this network at the time from people who understood where I was at and helped me through it.
I would have given anything to know the truth. Instinctively I knew I was being lied to. But I didn't want to believe it.
I wanted evidence before I broke my marriage and changed the lives of my children forever. And now it seems for OP, the worst has happened. The truth is no longer a suspicion.
Surely our place here is to coach and support and use our 'experience' to help OP come to the same position of strength that those who have been though it have hopefully achieved.
Not to wave it in their face and dictate rational behaviours of those who have come out the other side. OP needs support and encouragement to start the long and painful process of separation as a result of breaches in trust and fidelity.
On the subject of physical confirmation.
Is it not obvious and a common fact of life, that the socially dysfunctional, weak, insecure and dishonest, use mobile technology,
the internet and social media to build emotional attachments with other people that give them assurance, confirmation and approval to continue their self indulgent betrayal?
Also, that this is no less a breach of trust than a physical encounter?
Self indulgent, assurance/pleasure seeking, weak willed people that we mistakenly thought were the man/woman of our dreams?
Why should we assume for one moment that others just waking up to this reality have all of our wisdom, reason and answers on how to come to terms with it?
Come on team mumsnet, lets stop talking about ourselves and engage with OP in a constructive way to support her through something painful, scary and heartbreaking.
OP, I will message you.