exp wants to bring dd back later than agreed. last 'his'weekend he was an hour llate

[Mollymom]

On his last weekend he and ow took dd to the beach. Ageed time to be bsck was 7 due to school even tho he asked for 8(pm). I got a text at half 7 supposedly sent much earlier saying they would not be back til 8. Now this weekend agreed time back is 4pm. Just got a text asking ifit xan be later as he and ow have taken dd camping approx 270 miles away amd they would like more time on the beach tomorrow. I want to say no. Am I being a bad kom to say no?

I think often, particularly as the children get older, it's the parent that wants routine, not the children. I see regularly the dreadful effects on children who are lifted back and fro like moveable chattels, to an inflexible schedule, year after year after year. They don't even try to make plans. Their timetable belongs entirely to their mother and they've missed out on so much over the years. Trouble is that now they're beyond even trying to question the strict 6pm drop offs. They're just resigned to an immovable inexplicable rule.

What Spero said. You are doing incredibly well You are not some glorified babyditter who sits at home and Waits for his lordship to decide what time he drops her off at. Considering how much this man has shit on you and your family she NEED the stability and familiarity of her grandparents and your family. You had an agreed time and he stucks to it. Your little girl needs consistency given what her father has already put her through.

The point is if he wants flexibility he has to let you know in advance not on the day, unless it's an emergency.

His time is not more important than yours.

The favourite place thing is slightly relevant as it suggests he's selfish and has problems with boundaries, i.e. likely to take the piss and suit himself.

turnip it shouldn't be a battle about whose time is more important, what about DD having a nice day with dad after all she has gone through. The battles need to be put to one side for her sake.

If the other person is repeatedly being unreasonable, you have to stick up for yourself. It is not turning it into a battle to say "Please keep to what we have agreed." Keeping to the agreements will actually cut down on aggravation and stress for both parties and therefore, also be best for the dc. Conflict between parents and bad atmospheres at hand-overs are the worst thing for them.

To begin with my ex expected to pick ds up whenever he felt like coming over, on whatever day he happened to have off (shifts but didn't keep me informed) and bring him back when he (Dad) had had enough. We now have an agreement about what happens when and we both know where we stand and so will ds when he is older. I am flexible if he lets me know in advance but my dc-free time is precious to get on with things I can't do when he is there, so I need to be able to plan that time.

It is not a good example to your children to let someone disregard what they agreed to do and not politely and respectfully stand up to them. As op has said "Sorry we have plans, we can arrange it another time with more notice" worked well.