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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me,i don't know where to start?

6 replies

stacy100 · 19/07/2013 21:04

I am a newbie, I have been married for 5 years to my husband who is 19 years older than me!! I am not been happy for 3 years at least, i have a 16 year old son from a previous relationship and he is my life.
He doesn't really like his step dad much as he is moaned at by him on a regular basis about stupid things that don't matter! My problem is my husband prefers his beer and sport, we don't go out or socialize and we may go for a meal once every 6 months! He doesn't help with housework,gardening,decorating or dog walking, i do it all. I only get to have a conversation with him in the morning for 15 mins before work other times he's drunk and aggressive! He made me have 2 jobs to his one so i wouldn't be home as much for my son which i have now figured out! my son lives in his room as he hasn't anywhere else to sit and i hate my husband but can't leave as guess what? he controls the money.

OP posts:
dollius · 19/07/2013 21:06

Dump him (the H, not the DS, obis)

Twinklestein · 19/07/2013 21:10

Financial control can be part of domestic abuse.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220049%A7ionTitle=Financial

You have 2 jobs - you have an income - do you not have your own bank account?

Twinklestein · 19/07/2013 22:22

Has he ever been violent Stacey?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/07/2013 22:41

You can leave.

I'd recommend you get some legal advice either from a solicitor or CAB and also support the idea to call Women's Aid as it sounds like an abusive relationship from which you and your DS need to make a sharp exit. There are several things in your favour here. You're married which means you have certain legal rights to property and money in the event of a divorce. You also have two jobs which means that all you need do to be financially independent is open a bank account and get your wages and any other income paid into it.

You can leave

Xales · 19/07/2013 22:43

Open your own bank account and have your salary transferred into there. Then your H cannot control you through finance.

You can then get yourself and your DS out of this situation.

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