Found on DP tablet...

[Kione]

A series of flirting conversations with old friends, one or two with whome he's had sex. I have been with him 7 years had DD in 2009, these chats are from 2010,11 Dec. 2013...
and one dodgy conversation about his phone being left under the sofa at one of his colleages (female) house. It might be the night they had the xmas party when he told me he stayed at the hotel where the party was. But I am not sure. Even if it wasnt the night of the party, he has never mentioned going to her house.
If you remember me, we havent been getting on that great, and we went through a stage where I didnt feel like having sex with him...
So I am so confused. Should I confront him? how'??
I only opened his tablet cos our computer is being repaired, fb wad open with these chats. I am sure many more could have been deleted...
I dont know how to feel right now

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Just read this.

She isn't replying because 1) she is getting her story straight by checking with your H or 2) she has no intention of replying at all.

I have been in your position and know what it is like when you are met with denial. The fact is that he has chosen to lie and has chosen to destroy the marriage with his lies and secrets...

My best advice is to tell him that you know he is lying and that because of this (and other things that are bothering you from what a previous poster has said about your previous threads), you want space to think things through.

This is not leaving him forever - its telling him that his lying and secretive behaviour is unacceptable and that he is at real risk of losing you forever. This is your only chance of saving the marriage.

[Doha]

I agree
She has had several hours to reply and she is obviously getting her story straight with your DP

I think the silence speaks volumes

I am so sorry Kione

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Also agree with Doha

[TheOrchardKeeper]

(if it says seen it's because she opened the message)

[Jan45]

Wouldn't be surprised if the OPs OH had already discussed this with the OW and the story was straightened out already and she's been warned to possibly hear from you.

The silence could also mean she doesn't want to get involved, she could be innocent in all of this. As for your OH, why he lied about staying at hers is the issue here.

[Floggingmolly]

I'm totally . You told him to find sex elsewhere. That's a fairly unusual thing to do. Why are you now so aghast that he's "cheated"? As to whether he lied to you about it or not; did you expect the full details in glorious technicolor?? Bet he's as confused as I am...

[cfc]

Flogging I gather that she told him to look alsewhere when they were going through a particularly bad patch a while ago.

As for the details, your comment is dumb. Of course she wants the details. Don't we all when we've been cheated on? When, how long for, where, how, what was it like, with whom...? It's natural. We torture ourselves with the details, whether they be in our head or revealed.

Aside from this, I think OP's fairly sure he's cheated so she wants and admission, then I guess she'll move onto details.

[Kione]

yeah I told him that a couple of years ago and he kept asking me for it saying that he wouldnt find it elsewhere. The I really made an effort and he was getting it home when this happened. This id her reply:

Don't be sorry for asking... . I understand u wanting to know! .. It's not a biggie, I had just found his phone on the table we were sitting when I was leaving but he wasn't around anywhere so just picked it up to look after it .. i hope that helps make sense for u ? X

[Kione]

aaaaargh!!!! no mention of the fucking sofa thing! do I have to ask again? god this is horrible and feel sick
Interview went well, its only for a little job but they said I could go straight for promotion (new company) will hear from them

[patienceisvirtuous]

Hmmmm, not convinced by her reply at all. It doesn't tally with the original conversation.

He would have asked "Did you pick my phone up?"

Also if she had taken it home and was drunk and it somehow ended up 'under the sofa' there was no need for her to say it. She would have replied 'I've just checked and yes, I brought it home with me'

You're being had OP.

[Jan45]

TBH I didn't really think she was going to help - well done on the job though, some good news!

[Kione]

just checked emails and they have actually offered me a job but the money is crap.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

"Don't suppose you've seen my mobile" - if he'd lost it at the party then why would she have seen it. 'seen it' sounds like it was likely to be lying around her house somewhere, not left at this party.

"Just checked" so she didn't know she already had it. She found it. Under her sofa.

I'm sorry but I think she's fibbing

[Kione]

should I ask her "why did it end up under the sofa?"

[OctopusPete8]

hmm how did phone on the table end up under the sofa hmm tough one,

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Congrats on the job...even if the money isn't great. It's still a confidence booster

How do you feel about her reply? Does it sound as fishy to you as it reads on here?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

you could ask but if she's lying now (which it sounds like) then I doubt it'd get you anywhere. Can imagine it's hard not to though!

[TheOrchardKeeper]

She's outright lied anyway...as she didn't know you knew about it being found under the sofa, so she made up the thing about finding it at the party!

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Can't you call her and speak to her?

[Kione]

Thanks but it might not be worth if I have to pay full time nursery.
It does feel completelly fishy because I asked her how come was it under the sofa and why they didnt find this odd. She did not answer that with her reply.

[patienceisvirtuous]

I wouldn't respond (I wouldn't have messaged her but it's done now) but if I was going to I would say, I know you're both lying. Then block her.

[Jan45]

Did your OH know you were going to send her a msg on FB, if not, what will his reaction be, will he know now that they work together?

Sorry about job not paying much but yes it's a confidence booster at least.

[Kione]

Mad, no. I dont have the guts. Quite simply.
Orchard what they mean is that she found it on the table and then somehow it ended up under her dofa but she didnt explain how did this happen.