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Original poster

Does your partner tell you what to wear?

60 replies

violet123 · 16/07/2013 13:18

I recently went shopping with my boyfriend to buy some pyjamas. I wanted a light top to wear in the hot weather so chose one which was a bit see-through. My boyfriend basically told me not to buy it, as it was inappropriate (even though he will be the only one to see me in it!) but I bought it anyway. He spent the rest of the day in a bad mood, and when I put it on we had an argument. Should you listen to your partners point of view in relation to clothes or should you buy and wear what you want? Was I selfish and should I have taken his opinion into consideration? Advice please.

OP posts:
iseenodust · 16/07/2013 14:04

Not in a thousand years. He might pull a face at a colour but he knows who'll make the decision.

PedantMarina · 16/07/2013 14:07

Yeah, I too see the difference between some constructive criticism and him sulking because you didn't do what he wanted.

Major red flag.

Take care of yourself.

Phalenopsis · 16/07/2013 14:08

Does your partner tell you what to wear?

Not if he wants to live.

If I ask his opinion he'll give it but I've been choosing my own clothes since I was 10. I think I'm quite capable of doing it on my own.

Fillyjonk75 · 16/07/2013 14:08

No. He often asks my opinion of what he should wear, whether a tie matches a shirt and so on.

SelectAUserName · 16/07/2013 14:09

Huge red flag, as the others have said. I have a friend who had a relationship with someone who turned out to be controlling and abusive - physically as well as emotionally - and with hindsight, one of the first signs was his attempts to control what she wore and stop her wearing anything he considered "revealing" or "tarty". Run, OP, for the sake of your safety, sanity and self-esteem.

My husband will comment on stuff if I ask him - and he will either say "that's lovely" or "mmm, not sure...but it will probably look lovely on you" and occasionally he will volunteer an opinion on something on the rack in a shop, to which I'll either say "ooh yes, that is nice" or "mmm, not sure". I can't remember him ever criticising anything I've bought or am thinking of buying.

TheWysticManker · 16/07/2013 14:10

my partner will offer advice about what suits me, what looks good etc etc. Especially if we go shopping together he will offer advice. He is extremely good at it and my confidence in myself has increased hugely as a result, He has a background in a related area.

He would never tell me not to buy/wear something if I really liked it. And something that will only be seen at home... ? that's a bit weird/controlling

sparkle12mar08 · 16/07/2013 14:10

Big, fat, red warning flag. Run, and don't look back, don't get drawn further in to this 'relationship'. Please.

sameoldIggi · 16/07/2013 14:11

Nope, never.
If he'd said he didn't like the colour I wouldn't be bothered. Saying it is inappropriate is just wrong, you wanted to wear it in bed not to his granny's funeral.

Happymum22 · 16/07/2013 14:14

Say you went shopping with him another time.
He wanted to buy some super short pyjama shorts which for some reason you thought were inappropriate but he thought was fine and good for the hot weather.
He ignored you and bought them anyway.

Would you then get in a mood with him? Would it be normal behaviour or acceptable for you to get in a serious mood?

IMO no, there are bigger things in life to worry about. Surprised he doesn't like the see-through aspect! Bit weird and potential warning sign for controlling man ..or just him being petty.. only you will know if he does this over other things or it was an odd one off.

diddl · 16/07/2013 14:15

How did you end up shopping together?

My OH might give an opinion on something I was going to be seen out in-which I would take notice of or not as I felt.

But really, pyjamas??

Erato · 16/07/2013 14:18

How on earth can something you only ever wear in the privacy of your own home be inappropriate? And how can he possibly think he has a right to dictate your clothing choices? That behaviour would annoy me and any further evidence of being a controlling dickhead would be grounds for boyfriend dismissal.

BadLad · 16/07/2013 14:41

I tell DW which of her outfits I like best. If I think something that doesn't match very well, I'll tell her, then it's up to her if she takes that on board or not. She does the same for me.

ShoeWhore · 16/07/2013 14:45

Oh OP that doesn't sound good at all.

Dh and I enjoy shopping together and both offer the other advice on what looks good etc. That's a million miles away from this though. Dh would never ever try to dictate what I should wear nor me him.

Dahlen · 16/07/2013 16:26

Only man who ever offered an opinion on my choice of clothing turned out to be an abusive fuckwit.

Lweji · 16/07/2013 16:40

And he sulked?
And you had an argument about it?

Drop him.

Do you leave together?
Because I'd have told him to go home if he argued with me over a pj top.

worldgonecrazy · 16/07/2013 16:51

Has he seriously already got you in a place where you are doubting yourself as to whether his behaviour over a pj top is reasonable? This is a huge big sign saying he is controlling and likely to get worse.

My husband is great at shopping for clothes, and I value his opinion. He would never sulk or argue if I chose something that he didn't think suited me, and he would certainly never suggest something was "inappropriate", especially if it was a garment designed to be worn only at home.

Jengnr · 16/07/2013 16:52

Inappropriate how?

Keztrel · 16/07/2013 16:54

No. That's ridiculous. He doesn't sound very nice to me. I ask my DH's opinion on clothes if I want a second opinion, and he does the same, but we don't tell each other what to wear, or even criticise each other's clothes, because it's not kind.

TheMoonOnAStick · 16/07/2013 17:00

Nobody tells me what to wear. Dh would be Confused if I even asked him to go clothes shopping with me. I don't want him there anyway.

YellowTulips · 16/07/2013 17:06

I ask his opinion (I tend to buy online) and the decide if think he is right or not.

Generally if he doesn't like something it's fair to say most of the time I am not 100% about either, so it's just confirmation.

I wouldn't bother asking about PJ's though Grin

Generally I would say it depends if your OH has a) good taste in clothes b) wants you to look good. If you have 2 yes's why not take their opinion into account?

exoticfruits · 16/07/2013 17:07

I would never take him clothes shopping- we have different tastes. I fail to see how you can have 'inappropriate' clothes that never get worn in public.
I would just tell him that you will go shopping on your own in future.

Takingbackmonday · 16/07/2013 19:24

Suggests now and then as he does similar for a living and is far better than me at choosing clothes.

Tell me? I'd run a mile.

Anniegetyourgun · 16/07/2013 20:31

I may have mentioned my ex husband once or twice (or a couple of hundred times) on here. He was a big one for sulking if he thought I was wearing anything too "revealing". This included having the top two buttons of a polo top open, revealing at the most a tantalising glimpse of collar-bone, in high summer. I bought a pink bra in a sale once, which I thought would be practical to wear under red or brown clothes. Well, that was proof positive that I must be having an affair, wasn't it? The Woman Who Bought A Bra That Wasn't White. I should hang my head in shame.

I took 25 years to get out of that one. You're not even married yet, you don't have kids - run away, run away!

YellowTulips · 16/07/2013 20:37

Maybe not run away over a PJ top - bit some education might be in order Grin

SunshineBossaNova · 16/07/2013 20:38

Red flag.