Feeling unsettled: starting to wonder if new "boyfriend" is who he says he is.

[unsettledpetal]

I am on match.com and was contacted several weeks ago by a man who works in London but who comes to my city for work once a month (I am in Scotland). He was quite upfront and just said he would like to find someone to spend time with while he's up as he doesn't know anyone. I presumed he was looking for a FWB/FB type thing or maybe just straight forward friendship. He seemed interesting so I decided to meet him, not really expecting anything much to come of it.

Any way, we really hit it off and have met twice since then but have been texting/emailing all day every day (not like me!).

The thing is that he has an interesting past and I'm beginning to wonder if it's a little too interesting. He is only 28 but has had a pretty varied career path. He has been in the navy and the RAF (not as active duty sailor/soldier - he has a scientific/technical background) but also has seemingly done some photography (amateurish but he says he has sold some of his photos), worked in radio, been a poet/lyricist, does stand up comedy in his spare time and also now works for one large multinational company and is about to move on to another. Does this seem like an awful lot to have done by the age of 28 or are Londoners just a breed apart? He also says he owns his own plane but from something he said I suspect he earns around £50,000. Doesn't seem like the kind of money you'd need to buy a plane? But maybe he has money from other sources?

I can't find any trace of him on the internet (should I expect to if he works for a large well known company?) although he says he has 2 names (the one he was born with he has seemingly changed because it was a bit of a mouthful (parents of foreign origin) although I'm not sure if he has changed names officially).

Other than mentioning the plane (small plane - not private jet) he doesn't make out like he is some super wealthy business man - he shares a flat and doesn't talk of a particularly extravagant lifestyle although to be fair we haven't known each other that long and I don't know all that much yet. I'm just feeling like he might be a bit too good to be true.

How should I deal with this? Is there any way I can check anything if I can't find him online? Should I ask him straight out? Feeling unsettled - can anyone give me their opinion please?

I'm with the trust your gut instinct brigade.

I know someone who owns a plane. He says it costs him less than running his car as he has some sort of deal with the flying school where they rent it from him.

Ah ... not convenient to visit him - that'll be because he lives with his wife/gf. Bin this one, OP.

And it's also possible to essentially be in the RAF while still at university. I was in the University air squadron and there were several bursars who were being paid by the RAF to go through university and then join afterwards and there was also one student who was fully signed up but the same age as us, can't remember the name of his role though.

But the flat mate stuff sounds like he has a gf/wife.

CV gap has me thinking prison.

If you're sizing him up for a keeper, there are a lot of bridges to cross. If you're (more sensibly) just going along for a few weekends out of the ordinary, why not?

Well done on your sleuthing. I'm another one with a colourful history - I had an incredible number of jobs between the ages of 18 - 24, two of them were long-term, and many of them come with stories attached. I carried on having adventures after uni, too, though at a more reasonable pace. It makes for great anecdotes and I let people assume things were 'bigger' than they were. I really was in a jazz band, but it was a hobby band and was only together for a summer. I really have performed on stage with some big names, but only because they were friends and it was a laugh - that sort of thing. Plus, when you're zipping around with an open mind, you meet really interesting people and that gives you even more to talk about :)

Hah, writing that has cheered me up! I'm feeling very much like "a failure" at the moment, but I guess I've not been wasting my time This man sounds like fun; just keep enough of yourself back that you don't go building futures on fantasy foundations!

Floppity, I filled the gaps in my CV with made-up boring shite I was really scooting around the world doing short-term jobs, but employers don't like that (or leave enough room on the form for it!)

Saw him this weekend and had a really nice time. Got a few more pieces of the jigsaw too.

He doesn't have a plane at all - I think we just got our wires crossed. He has a pilot's licence and can fly small planes and occasionally forks out to do so as he enjoys it but he thought it was really funny that I thought he'd told me he owned a plane! Sorry to all of you who have given me such careful and considered info about the cost of running a plane!

The navy/RAF thing seems to have been the very scheme that trixymalixy suggested, so he was kind of in it while simultaneously at uni and the gap in the CV seems to be the rest of the time he was working in the forces (I read trixy's post after he told me this - I wasn't asking leading questions or anything).

I told him I looked him up on linkedin and he seemed fine talking about his profile - he gave plausible reasons for not having the navy/Air Force stuff on there (although it's not a secret).

Re the flat and his flatmate's girlfriend staying, I never really saw that as a red flag in the first place to be honest. I've had several boyfriends who've shared a small flat with one other person and the flatmate typically cleared off for the night if I was coming over. I think it's just a nice gesture, give your friend and his girlfriend the place to themselves if they don't see each other very often. He has said before that he doesn't stay there himself when she visits as he has family or friends nearby he can spend the night with. I have appreciated it when my ex's flatmates gave us the place to ourselves as it just means you can stay up late chatting without worrying that you're being too noisy and keeping anyone awake and you can cuddle up on the sofa without feeling like you're making the flatmate feel like a gooseberry or forcing them to stay in their room so you can cuddle up watching a film. I think he also has a really small flat (he is saving up for a house so living frugally for the time being - definitely not running any planes!).

We also spend so much time texting that I really doubt he could be living with anyone else (it's pretty much non-stop over hours and hours, days and days sometimes). I was always more worried he was a fantasist rather than being married.

So I am feeling much better about everything! It may go nowhere of course, we do live hundreds of miles apart and have only met 3 times. But while we're just in a FWB kind of situation at the moment he has said things that suggest he could possibly see it as more. May come to nothing but I am open to the idea that it could potentially come to something. Thanks to everyone for their advice and considered opinions, they have really helped! I may show him this thread one day - I think he would probably find it really funny!.