Feeling unsettled: starting to wonder if new "boyfriend" is who he says he is.

[unsettledpetal]

I am on match.com and was contacted several weeks ago by a man who works in London but who comes to my city for work once a month (I am in Scotland). He was quite upfront and just said he would like to find someone to spend time with while he's up as he doesn't know anyone. I presumed he was looking for a FWB/FB type thing or maybe just straight forward friendship. He seemed interesting so I decided to meet him, not really expecting anything much to come of it.

Any way, we really hit it off and have met twice since then but have been texting/emailing all day every day (not like me!).

The thing is that he has an interesting past and I'm beginning to wonder if it's a little too interesting. He is only 28 but has had a pretty varied career path. He has been in the navy and the RAF (not as active duty sailor/soldier - he has a scientific/technical background) but also has seemingly done some photography (amateurish but he says he has sold some of his photos), worked in radio, been a poet/lyricist, does stand up comedy in his spare time and also now works for one large multinational company and is about to move on to another. Does this seem like an awful lot to have done by the age of 28 or are Londoners just a breed apart? He also says he owns his own plane but from something he said I suspect he earns around £50,000. Doesn't seem like the kind of money you'd need to buy a plane? But maybe he has money from other sources?

I can't find any trace of him on the internet (should I expect to if he works for a large well known company?) although he says he has 2 names (the one he was born with he has seemingly changed because it was a bit of a mouthful (parents of foreign origin) although I'm not sure if he has changed names officially).

Other than mentioning the plane (small plane - not private jet) he doesn't make out like he is some super wealthy business man - he shares a flat and doesn't talk of a particularly extravagant lifestyle although to be fair we haven't known each other that long and I don't know all that much yet. I'm just feeling like he might be a bit too good to be true.

How should I deal with this? Is there any way I can check anything if I can't find him online? Should I ask him straight out? Feeling unsettled - can anyone give me their opinion please?

Sounds fine for fwb kinda deal, at least he's entertaining
Shag him by all means just don't lend him any money

Ninah, he sounds like he's using his stories to shag other women, though - might be an idea not to sleep with him.

Put his email address into google. I did that and it still didn't bring up any info about my last date (my post is on here about my suspicions).

Actually I agree with ninah. Who cares if he's a bit of a billy bullshit, if you're having fun just go with it (make sure you're safe though). Just don't get too emotionally involved and for gods sake don't lend him any money! I think you're first instinct, that he was looking for an fwb for when he's in the area is spot on, if this suits you don't worry about his credentials too much, if not throw him back and keep looking.

well I am someone who tends to trigger off 'unbelievable' reactions in some. By 28 I had sailed the Atlantic, lived in a mansion with oak pannelled walls, had worked as a model, actor, in TV, in banking finance IT and Telecoms, as well as working with several celebrities.

At 35 I also had some military experience, had been one of a few supportive friends to a radio DJ having personal problems. I didn't buy a plane but if I had been earning 50k and not partying so much I could have.

I got bullied out of two jobs because the 'he is a fantasist' brigade ganged up on me because it did their tiny heads in that I hadn't worked in a shop, marrief the third person I fucked and then got a job ina call centre.

Of course he could be a fantasist but all of that is perfectly likely. I met an ex naval lower rank who got recruited as officer in the army to manage port control, so don't be surprised if a talented individual has been gicen responsibilities tgat would have a 80 grand civvy shitting themselves..

It depends if you are looking for monogamy, ltr etc. Or not.
I like him. Maybe his small plane is an airfix?

I believe that people find you unbelievable, ND

I don't think being a radio DJ's mate has got much to recommend it nowadays.

Wow - thanks for such a massive response! I have an update:

With some sleuthing I have managed to track him down on facebook and linkedin (no results with the image search but that was a good idea bant) . He is on both but with his "other" name. He told me his other name the 2nd time we met but as it was foreign sounding it wasn't easily memorable and I had no idea how it was spelt. Having searched under 4 or 5 possible spellings though I got some results. The comedy thing seems to be true (or at least it is there on his fb page and he mentions it as a hobby on linkedin) as is the radio thing (which was a student job as someone suggested - to be fair I also asked him about it and he said it was back when he was a teenager. He has also been quite open about the fact that comedy is a hobby). He is currently working in the field he says he is working in (it's not the company he said but a company whose client is the company he said so he may just have been simplifying? He may deal with that company only?). He also seems to have gone to the University he says he did (I also went to uni ChasedByBees but I spent my time studying and drinking! As I said, I live in Scotland!).

But, there is no mention of the navy or air force which I find strange. Because I thought his experience in that was linked to what he does now (although I might be wrong - it's scientific/technical and I know nothing about either). He doesn't work in a defence related job by the way - someone thought that might the reason for the name change). Could be that it's not actually that relevant to what he is doing now and so he hasn't included it? There is, however, a gap in his CV/record but only of 1 year and 4 months. The -plot thickens?!

Everyone is saying to trust my instincts but my instincts weren't telling me anything was wrong until he mentioned he'd been a poet/lyricist (it was weird, when I got that text I got shivers down my spine and I think something in my head just went - that's one accomplishment too many). Turns out he was in a band at school and got a poem published back then (sounds a little braggy to say you're a poet in that case but this was in a text message and it could just be that it was quicker and easier to type that than the full story).

I suggested going down to see him at short notice a few days ago before I started wondering if anything was up (not just to check for his reaction) and he was enthusiastic about the idea but said his flatmate's girlfriend was also visiting this weekend so staying at his wasn't ideal - he suggested a hotel (previously he has said I should come down and stay with him in his flat though).

He doesn't fly up in his own plane - his company pays for flights the normal way. He hasn't said much about his plane to be honest but I shall ask more.

Re finding someone closer as some of you said (bant I think and some others?), that was my plan. I have been on match for years though, met around 100 guys in total (all from my area) but haven't ended up with any of them obviously. I do get contacted by people from far away or those that come up for work and I usually ignore them/give them a polite "no thanks". But he was going to be here on a day I had no plans for and he seemed interesting and intelligent and I just thought "why not? - it probably won't lead to anything serious but might be a nice evening". It's just that I get on with him better than all but one of the hundred other guys I met (had one really cool bf from match but he had an alcohol problem and a bit of a dodgy past). So I was keen to at least see if had the potential to go anywhere (I can also relocate with my work without too much trouble).

So what now? Think I may see him again this weekend. I shall do some more probing about the plane and see if I can find out more about the navy/R.A.F. I'll keep you updated!

Its true AF a lot of people say that to me with a sort of sigh..

If you meet again check his cards for his real name.
He could just be embellishing to impress. Sounds like my ex to me and I would stay well away (numerous near death experiences, crazy army experiences, lifeguard, taught chess to kids, working on big budget films...enough to make anyone ) If someone with no moral compass plus alcohol addiction in my case and an attraction to proving himself over and over using 'big boys toys' (grenades/planes etc), lights your fire then go for it. If you want commitment or any form of stability, i'd run a mile.

My BIL says he has done so much. Hes been & done nearly everything. I dont know if its true but he is a good guy. He hasnt cheated, he treats my sis great & is a good dad.

Not everyone who sounds unbelievable is a liar or a bad person.

This rings a bell with me. I've been around mumsnet for a while a seem to remember someone linking to an online dating profile and the guy professed to have done all this stuff at a young age.

and ffs if you are this paranoid and disbelieving now a. shouldn't you only be dating boring blokes anyway and b. what makes you think you are suitable relationship material?

I went out for a drink with a girl who got drunk and lectured me about what she thought my opinions were and what I had/hadn't done, based on a similarly paranoid internet search.

Needless to say (after making sure her staggering self got home safe.. including having to break into her house because she lost her key) I didn't find her at all attractive after that.

NotDead sadly there are some pretty scary people out there. You may not be one of them, but perhaps this guy is. I think OP has a right to gauge our opinion, you don't have to post if you think she is over reacting or you don't understand why she may not feel safe.

The stand-out dodgy thing for me isn't the exaggeration of his accomplishments, it's the fact you can't stay in his flat after all in London as his friend's girlfriend will be there. How would this affect him or you? He may be all the things he says, but I bet you anything he has another relationship on the go and doesn't want to be rumbled. I've seen this in rl several times, one friend lost her heart to some guy who was clearly married (mysteriously he could only call at 11 at night from a mobile) and I was once propositioned by someone who wanted exactly this arrangement (at least he was honest!).

No-one suggests staying in a hotel in London when they have a flat share in London unless there is some reason they don't want you there. Sorry.

Um but there is a weird tendancy here for people to whip up paranoid 'your man is a rapist/sex addict/abuser/mental/narcissist/ etc fantasies and projection.

OP can consider, surely, one ratiinal person saying that yes all that and more is possible before 28 and no not everyone who professes a varied life is making it up or mental or psychopatic.

I am sure OP will consider lots of views but some of you said 'YEP LYING' based on someone owning a plane on a 50k salary.

look up prices of second hand small planes and come back to us if you think its impossible. .

That was what rang alarm bells for me too...I mean, it would be cramped but surely he's not in a single bed? Unless they time share on the double...

If he works for a big company, he should have a business card with their logo.

It is possible to work for a company that has a big company as a client and to work exclusively for that client, but the business card should show the name of the smaller supplier company.

shares a flat you can't stay in because his flat mate's gf is there? His flat mate IS his girlfriend, I think

Next!

find a better one :)

The sharing a flat and not being convenient to visit made me smile. Many decades ago I had a boyfriend who said that- when I turned up unexpectedly the person was his wife.

I think he is telling one porkie too many. I know someone who is currently in the navy, post uni. The selection takes a year, so it's unlikely he could have been in the navy and the RAF UNLESS it was civilian work.

Presumably you talk by phone so why not just ask away- ' what did you do in the navy, where were you based, what did you do in the RAF, why did you leave....just be REALLY interested in his life!

BTW how do you put an image into google to check dating sites...could be useful sometime.

Sorry, to me he sounds like a complete fake.

Sounds more like a desperate man hopelessly trying to impress on Match.com

Having 2 different names says it all doesn't it? Speaks like a duck and all that....

2 army jobs, private plane, word poet etc. etc. all by 28?

Yea right.

Personally, I would go for someone more realistic, online or in RL

Trust your intuition and instincts! It is your best friend!

I'm now thinking definitely married, with the flatshare "inconvenience" thing.

Still don't really understand why the stuff he's done is so suspicious though, allowing for a bit of exaggeration. I do know people like that, they're not that rare.

I met a fantasyst, not a good experience! I asked to see photographs in a casual way. in my case it didnt bring any light, just whst it seemed more wrird lies... but if you go and see him you could ask? good luck...