Why do us girls bother with relationships when they cause so much hassle?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I think many of us hold out for the ideal love that we see in the films but goodness; this forum has made me wonder 'is it all worth it?''

Things I don't miss about being with a bloke;
Putting up with addictions such as pot.
Jealousy
Having to compromise
Emotional abuse
worrying about being left.
Worrying about unplanned pregnancy.
The bad break-ups.

I don't even miss sex a great deal although I think the intimacy and hugs are nice.

[equinox]

superstar you have a point however I do think society still assumes single men are somehow 'saddos' lol.

It is stupid how lots of the older generations, albeit perhaps well meaning, assume we are a problem to be fixed and should be immediately coupled up with the nearest suitor!! I think the trend is for increasing numbers of us women to keep our independence indeed men have noticed this too. I have even had this said to me in Derbyshire which as I say I do find supremely backward and out of touch where I now live lol. Perhaps there are more single men who prefer to one day end up cohabiting again than single women....?

Some are great as friends but once it is relationship territory the ball game seems to alter so so much it is just ridiculous!

Think I will just get a dog as stated earlier in a few more years once my son is a bit older and I am sure they will be infinitely easier to cope with than a husband or live in boyfriend!!

I have to say though men are absolutely great as platonic friends.

[RestingUnderTheSun]

But again, you don't have to accept it.

Some men are actually quite able to accept we want to do the same exciting stuff than them. But if we (women) never ask, why on earth would they want to do it?

I much prefer trying to change things at my level than being miserable than society isn't geared to what I want.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"I think I would love the single life more if there wasn't this insiduous pressure from society to be in a couple"

I've never actually felt that pressure. Probably because I'm not that bothered what anyone else thinks, let alone 'society', or maybe I'm just a bit thick and insular (likely):) I don't even care that it costs me more to go on holiday alone (with DS) or that I might lose out on a tax-break for couples. To me, anything worth having doesn't come cheap. Independence included.

[flippinada]

Another woman over here who prefers the single life .

[Dahlen]

Cogito I feel very similarly. My independence is worth paying more for, which I remind myself about whenever I have to pay more for the privilege of living alone and paying everything out of one person's salary.

However, having been horribly poor at one point, I am aware that it was a lot harder to have those principles and live by them in the past. I was well aware that living with a man would have made my life significantly easier financially, even if he was just on NMW. The impact of poverty on single people is often underestimated, and it's often worse for the low-earning childless.

[flippinada]

Being single is pretty awesome actually.

Never say never (might meet somebody) but currently very happy on my own - happier than I ever thought I'd be.

[libertine73]

I commented earlier upthread to say the only one on your list that we do is the 'compromise' one.

Today I'm seriously contemplating becoming single!! even though the above is absolutely true, we have no real 'ishoos' of sorts, I just don't know if we're making each other truly happy anymore, and life's just too fucking short. even if we have got 2 young DCs :(

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"The impact of poverty on single people is often underestimated"

Without trying to turn this into a political discussion, I was thinking only the same thing this morning when there was another kneejerk 'oh the horror!' reaction to the news that 49% of children are born out of wedlock today and calls for the government to promote marriage more. On the one hand, poverty trumps marital status of parents when it comes to children's life-chances. On the other, being married offers a small amount of financial protection (I'm thinking shared assets rather than maintenance) if someone finds them ditched and a lone parent.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

'themselves' ditched...

[CuChullain]

Hmmmmmmm

In previous relationships I have had to put up with:

Jealousy
Insecurity
Paranoia
Inexplicable silent treatment
Financial incontinence
Emotional blackmail
Double standards.
Physical abuse
Infidelity
Laziness
Selfish behaviour
Materialism
Crap bitchy friends

However, good job I did not apply the above traits to all women out there as quite clearly that would amount to narrow minded misogynistic bollocks.

[Vivacia]

I don't think Burberry was saying that women don't have it worse, I think they were saying that it doesn't have to be this way. There's no law saying women have to put up with such behaviour, if it exists. I recognise some of the descriptions of male partners described above but definitely not in my mine.

I also agree that the use of 'girls' when we mean 'women' should be challenged. I'm only just learning why this is important.

[burberryqueen]

burberryqueen I honestly do not know where you have been in life to not have clocked on to the fact that by and large women are more giving than men and are more willing to make adjustments and sacrifices whereas men are generally far more selfish and about their own agenda.

Really I cannot believe you have not noticed this you must have led a very innocent life!!
i actually have no idea to what in my posts you are referring to!
(confused)

[SummersHere]

There's nothing mysogynistic about this thread, it could relate to men as easily as women. The fact of the matter is some of us choose not to bow down to societal pressures and live our lives the way we choose as opposed to how society thinks we should.

[peteypiranha]

I have been out with men, and am niw happily married. Not a single man I have ever been with has done any of those things

[equinox]

burberryqueen it is where you did not agree with me about my view that many men act like children. If you scroll up you will soon see!!

[peteypiranha]

I dont think most men act like children. There are way more decent men than horrible ones.

[bugsaway]

when men act like children they are not being horrible per se, they just suddenly are incapable of doing anything properly ... so guess who goes ahead and does the job(s) ... we've all seen it ... its called being bone idle and selfish ... I don't see women acting this way and men picking up the slack

[arsenaltilidie]

Cu not forget nagging about things that don't matter.

Just because your BS radar is a little off
Doesn't mean all men are useless.

Before i met DW, I was happily having one FWB to another when one started to develop feelings.

I'm pretty sure I and most men would still be alive and healthy if our DP had to move away for a while.

[legohouse]

CogitoErgoSometimes What you wrote up thread has really helped me tonight so i wanted to thank you.

[peteypiranha]

Plenty of men dont act like that. If someone repeatedly picks someone with the same faults, its probably because that person is not very good at selecting partners.

[legohouse]

This was what i am refering to - Most human relationships have a bit of hassle & compromise attached. Relatives, friends, work colleagues, random strangers... even pets... unless you're planning on becoming a hermit and withdrawing from society, you have to find ways to engage that make the best of it. Same applies to romantic relationships and yes, some men/women are a PITA. Is it worth it? If you find someone you really connect with, it's a risk worth taking.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Hermitude is sometimes very temptng!
I don't mean this just to apply to women and men are far from always useless. What I am referring to really is the amount of pain that people put each other through in the name of love etc.
I do think if the connection is special then of course it's good to pursue it. I have had this once and it ended in tears so mabe i'm a bit bitter?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I agree that men make terrific platonic friends.

[MarianneM]

Why do "you girls" get together with such men?

How sexist and offensive to say that all men are like that!

Would you like a man to sum up "all women" in similarly offensive terms?

FWIW my DH is

Putting up with addictions such as pot. - not addicted to anything
Jealousy - not jealous, or at the very least does not show it
Having to compromise - I don't have to compromise, it is HE who compromises!
Emotional abuse - never, ever has DH emotionally abused me!!!
worrying about being left. - I have never worried/had to worry about that
Worrying about unplanned pregnancy. - ??? contraception is readily available!
The bad break-ups. - again, depends who you pair up with

I think the question should rather be: why do women fancy/get together with/marry morons?

[BrawToken]

I have no idea OP. Relationships are more down than up in my far too extensive experience ind the experiences of most (but not all) of my female friends. I am now extremely happy with my kids, friends, family, job, vibrator , cats and dog. Most of all, what makes me happy is not having to constantly compromise so the other adult in my life can get the cream off the top while I do the hard work.