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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 02/07/2013 07:46

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. loo update is mandatory
OP posts:
lubeybooby · 06/07/2013 13:37

Kin, thanks... yes. You're right. I must stop fretting. I was in danger of needing the emergency crash carp then.

I shall fondle instead of fretting. New motto :o Fondling is the new fretting.

KinNora · 06/07/2013 13:47

I seem to remember that fondling is fun, you get stuck in.

JulietteMontague · 06/07/2013 14:04

Lubey you have always been good at fun, this is also fun it's just got the potential to be mega fun which you didn't think you signed up for. The long distance could work to your advantage, you wouldn't have to have him in situ on your sofa as well as your bed (which is in fact what a lot of relationships turn into very quickly because it is easier than making the effort to go out and have a good time too). You like him lots and he likes you lots, all is possible.

Kin I'd forgotten about the boat shoes. Argyle socks are also something i didn't think I had to mention so I now have to add Tweed Jackets with double vents. I've realised this has turned into a long list of 'things I put up with in order to give them a chance' Grin

KinNora · 06/07/2013 14:19

Yes Juliette that's precisely the reason I don't look at all the photos, fear that a glimpse of a rogue pair of Clarkson jeans or a mullet (business in the front, party in the back) will extinguish my libido entirely . Grin

KinNora · 06/07/2013 14:20

First link - fookin' hell.

Second link - oh my good god.

OhWesternWind · 06/07/2013 15:03

I must admit to having quite a high tolerance for dodgy clothes and shoes - not sportswear though, ever, unless for the purpose of actually playing a sport, or things with writing on. Otherwise I'm generally fine. I am not very fashionable myself though so maybe that helps as I hope they will overlook some of my fashion choices too ...

Arf at link 1 - phone wont let me open link 2 as it deems it unsuitable so I am fearing the worst.

Lubes it sounds fab - enjoy it and stop whittling!

Newstart13 · 06/07/2013 15:29

raenbow good luck!!

lubey sounds ace Grin

Have arranged to speak to that chap again (can call him TW) that I spoke to on Thurs night for 2 hours tomorrow night, and meet up on Thurs probably Smile

Had a text from the disappearing consultant apologising and explaining life issues. Wasn't really bothered which was good, although a 2nd date would have been nice, he may be back in touch but equally may not!!

Good luck any other dates tonight!!

Newstart13 · 06/07/2013 15:32

Oh and on the photo thing I always feel too bad to post a pic if others are in it (esp the kids) but cropped pics dont always look great esp as all mine are taken on my phone..

I don't mind alcohol in a pic, but a beer bottle in the background rather than a swaying pic with a pint ifyswim..

scrazy · 06/07/2013 15:32

Lubey, don't fret lovely. I agree with the others it's lovely to hear you speak of someone like this, I'm pleased for you.

Having a break from sunbathing after being for a lovely walk today. I'm going out tonight, yay! Also have plans for the next 3 Saturday nights out.

QueenandKingMum · 06/07/2013 17:53

Hi everyone, I was wondering if I could ask if you do online dating which you'd recommend?

OhWesternWind · 06/07/2013 18:02

Hi Queen I like Match (paying) and PoF (free) but a lot depends on age and area. There are some other sites which are good if you live in a city but a bit rubbish for people in the sticks like me.

Are you thinking of putting a profile up?

JulietteMontague · 06/07/2013 18:07

Welcome Queen as OWW says it really depends on age and area, it varies wildly depending on your demographic. I never had a single date from Match or Match Affinity, not even a message on Match Affinity. OkCupid suited me best and I met some lovely people, but I'm in a big city. POF was too much like hard work sorting through the dross for me. Suggest you avoid eHarmony at all costs as they match you with inappropriate people and you have no choice in the matter.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 06/07/2013 18:22

Hiya! I'm back to ask for advice if that's okay?

I've met someone through a friend and we've been texting since and he mentioned that he used to use POF. I said that I used to as well but have deleted my account because all I attracted were nutters. He said he no longer goes on it either.

So, I'm horribly suspicious of men because of my ex so I had a nosy and under his profile on the search it says "online today" so he clearly does go on it still. I've checked a couple of days (yes stalk stalk) since he said it and every day he's "online today".

Obviously he's told a porky about not using it anymore but I don't like lies when they aren't necessary. I'm not bothered that he's on it but the fact that he lied about something so minor and said he didn't go on anymore has bothered me

Am I reading too much into a little lie or is this a sign that he would lie about bigger things if something so unimportant is lied about?

I know I'm probably over thinking for someone I don't know that well but so far we have got on so well (which is rare for me!) that I do want to analyse it :)

prettypurpledaisy · 06/07/2013 18:28

Hi all, not been even thinking about dating for ages, so decide summer is the right time to try again, unhide profile on pof and get two 'hi' and several want to 'meet' me. Sent two messages one serious one frivolous and no response from either. One of the 'gentlemen' I sent a message to I know vaguely in real life but still no replies. It seems men my age want to date younger women, does this mean I have to contact older men to stand a chance?

QueenandKingMum · 06/07/2013 19:02

Hi there - thanks for the reply.. I've been on POF before and dated someone from there for over a year. Back to it, and in the sticks of East Kent so big city ones aren't going to work.. Worried about going on POF again as I know ex will be on there!

bigstrongmama · 06/07/2013 19:40

Am adding to my list of people to reject: anyone who states their IQ

I think this generally means they are unhappy with their job and need to prove they are better than that. Seems rather bitter.

I agree, actually it is probably not a good plan to rule out all pictures with a drink in. Especially as I'm sat here with a glass of wine!

KinNora · 06/07/2013 19:58

Mama are there really people who state their IQ on their profile ? Bloody hell, that's a bit tragic.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 06/07/2013 20:02

Evening all

Had a really lovely afternoon with Mr Lovely but I chickened out of having the talk. I think if I'm being totally honest thst I'm worried about the answer. I think it might be too late - I might already be a little bit invested. Hell, probably more than a little bit Blush

I really like him. He's so different from my ex in many many ways. He makes me laugh, he seems to think I'm sexy, he likes spending time with me. He is considerate about the fact that I have to be cautious re the kids. He's lovely, but also filthy and very well endowed Wink. What more could I want?!

bigstrongmama · 06/07/2013 20:11

KinNora :) there really are!

JulietteMontague · 06/07/2013 20:20

I discovered long ago on OD that everyone thinks the are intelligent Hmm

akaWisey · 06/07/2013 20:51

Well, not sure where I should post - here or on the being single thread.

Mills and boon man asked for a second chance and I gave him a second chance - everyone deserves that, don't they? Naddah. He blew it, quickly fell back into sort of 'sexting' which I ignored and then on Thursday night we were going for dinner and he cx an hour before because "I don't think I can do this ice lady. I'm a warm and loving guy and there's something about me which isn't right for you".
Fair enough I thought (even though I was all ready to go out). Then yesterday evening I get another text "sorry I did that, had shit day at work, didn't mean it blah blah blah give me another chance.

Er, no pal. No chances left for you. More texts - "Do you never reconsider? Ignore me then, I deserve it, I'm such a twat". Yes, you are.

Today. DAte with geeky guy. He talked and talked and talked and talked and??..he was well trendy but did you ever date a guy who you thought could be gay? Even though they'd been married, kids etc? Had a lovely man-bag which I couldn't help but compliment him on. He looked quite pleased.

I'm back at home, my make-up isn't smudge by snogging, my hair isn't all ruffled up.

Where the fuck am I going wrong?!!!!!!

KinNora · 06/07/2013 21:14

No answers from me Wisey, I'm afraid ( by rights I should be being felt up in the East Midlands round about now - not just a euphemism ) have a Pimms and a piece of my Lindt raspberry chocolate.

scrazy · 06/07/2013 21:16

Kin, ready mixed pimms for me to drink while I wait for my taxi.

No third chances for anyone. Second only if you really like them.

OhWesternWind · 06/07/2013 21:54

Right, you lot are honoured as I've actually fired up the PC so I can type properly instead of pecking away on the phone plus I want to write a nice long e-mail to Alpha

I am on the Pimms too - just that kind of day. Anyone tried the special edition blackberry and elderflower one? And what was the name of that elderflower liqueur that you make Twinkles or Sparkles or whatever out of? I have a bit of a yen for it in this hot weather.

Wisey what a tool! Absolutely no chances any more ever. I am becoming a lot less tolerant and would give maybe one chance but that would be it, end of. The other bloke, hmm I have a friend like that, lovely as a friend, not really a hot date. He has man bags and little covers for his phone that he changes on a regular basis to match in with his outfit du jour, and me I just CBA with all that.

Title my default and usual gut reaction is if in doubt, say nowt. I think this is one of those situations where it will all become clear as time goes on. It seems like he's doing everything right and the only flags are the green ones, so just carry on as you are. I think he will say something before too long. I know it's bloody difficult though as it would be nice to have some comfort that you're not on a hiding to nothing, but I think I'd try and just leave it a while.

Queen - sod the ex. He is your EX which means tough titty if he sees you on a dating site. What's he going to do about it? Nothing.

Daisy sorry but sending two messages is nothing. Just go online one evening when you have an hour or so to spare and message at least half a dozen possibles (if you can find that many). Also, you being online will bump you up on the Who's Online section so more people will see you and message you. I think the trick with PoF is to keep logging in and out and that really helps to get the messages going as you are much more visible. I don't think it's an age thing, just a numbers thing. I am quite lucky I suppose as I don't tend to go for younger men so haven't had a problem with only messaging older men, so can't really help there.

Amy - he could have been online doing all sorts - checking messages, having a quick look around if he was bored at work, replying to someone he's got friendly with on there (as opposed to a dating-type person) - which to him might not count as he's not actually setting up dates or anything. I'd be tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt here. On the other hand, he could be trying to pull the wool over your eyes, so it's probably best to keep your wits about you and see if anything else like this happens again.

Raenbow where's the loo update??????

Strong you're making me smile with all these classes of rejects.

Bant probably not - couldn't you crop them and just have yourself looking foxy? I'm not a fan of Other People on profile shots as a general rule.

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