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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Roll in the hay: yay or nay?

73 replies

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 11:04

This is my first post in an age - I lurk on here a lot, know most of you regulars by name & I know you don't pull any punches - here goes -

I met a guy last night. First date from an online dating site. He's the 2nd person I've met over maybe 6mos. 1st one didn't go anywhere but was a nice afternoon. I am not that experienced in the online thing.

This time was different. We had a good initial connection over text/email. He phoned me which was a bit of a shock(!) and arranged a date.

He's an attractive, arty kind of guy, great fun, a bit zany and had me laughing out loud in no time. We had a really fun time and at the end of the night left me in no doubt that he found me sexy and fun and wanted to see me again, and soon...

I'm 43 years old. I'm living in the husk of a broken 10 yr marriage (together 16 years). H still lives here with me and our 2 children. The marriage broke down when I found the usual shit on his phone, married affair profile, sexts to randomers, and emails for appointments with sex-workers whilst abroad. I went into a 6mo hysterical bonding after finding the shit, and 6mo later asked him if I could look at his phone. He refused, and that night I moved him out of our bedroom. He now lives down the end of the house. We have seperate lives, just coming together for bills mortgage and the children. Its been like this for 1year and 3mos. I find it extremely hard hard going - feel stressed just being around him, not good for my mental health.
He's leaving to work abroad for a few months in October. Our eldest (12)is clear on what's going on, (obvs i didnt tell her what her dad had done!!) and she encourages me to go out and do my own thing. Younger child (5) just accepted we don't share a room anymore.

Back to me. I haven't had any engagement with a man or sex for 6mos and haven't been too bothered (bar a v brieg fling with an old flame). Would it be so terrible if I hooked up with this date guy, for short-term fun, for sex, for some pleasure? I'm fairly sure he's not a keeper, he's a bit of a rolling stone & will be off travelling etc
But I like him, am very attracted etc

In October I'll be very restricted socially between work & commute & children so should I make hay (and roll in it? :) whilst I can??
Date sent me a sweet & sexy text this morning .., & asked if I'd like to come to his "for dinner" ;-)

I guess I'm worried about being slutty at jumping into bed with him. But on the other hand I'm thinking life is short & what's stopping me... Not like the H will hold back when he gets his wings izzit

Sorry this was soooo long & thanks for reading

OP posts:
LittleRedDinosaur · 29/06/2013 11:14

Go for it! Sounds like you deserve to focus on what makes you happy. Have fun!

TanteRose · 29/06/2013 11:17

Definitely go and have fun Wink

themonsteratemyspacebar · 29/06/2013 11:17

Go for it! I cant think of 1 reason why not after your post! Have fun and be safe Grin

SolidGoldBrass · 29/06/2013 11:19

Definitely go for it and enjoy. Casual sex is really good for women despite all the propaganda to the contrary.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 29/06/2013 11:21

Oh, go for it. Sounds like you want to and he sounds like fun.

kittenmittens · 29/06/2013 11:27

Yes definitely! But have you told the sexy man about your situation? You should probably let him know, it's only fair. Otherwise he might think you're after something more serious.

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 11:30

Feel like crying a bit after reading your posts... Not sure why (pathetic!)

Thank you

So I'm not a total slapper then if I go see him tonight (!!) clutching a bottle of wine.... Wow :)

OP posts:
Leverette · 29/06/2013 11:32

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SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 11:33

Kittenmitten. - he knows my situ. Didnt tell him all the gory details. He made it clear early on that he's heading off travelling in a few months so everyone is clear

It's just sex, fun, laughs.

(It felt so amazing to be kissed!)! On the street! (Nobody saw)

OP posts:
Leavenheath · 29/06/2013 11:35

If you've been having sex with a man who's been having lots of sex with randoms, like your husband- and you've also had a fling with the old flame- when did you last have a health check-up? Obviously if I were you I'd also be asking the same questions about the new man.

That's the only thing that would bother me in the circumstances, because condoms just don't protect against every sexually transmitted condition and the ones that they don't, can't be cleared up with a course of antibiotics.

HighInterestRat · 29/06/2013 11:40

Do it! Enjoy!

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 11:45

Leaven - your points are valid (slightly killjoyish ;-) but v important and good points
Haven't been having any sex with husband at all for a long long time now &
We had been using condoms for since the younger was born (and obvs whilst he was doing whatever he was doing - denies it all of course)
I will most certainly bring plenty of protection with me and use it!! If I go for it....

I haven't felt horny in such a long time. Had started to think it had died off in me, once quite the little sex-fiend

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 29/06/2013 11:47

Do it! Be safe, be careful, and enjoy yourself.

Your situation sounds awful and you're amazing for putting up with it.

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 11:52

No choice Toby. Gonna take a while to dig out of a huge financial hole before I get him to go.

I don't want him living in a pit - for the children's sake.

OP posts:
SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 12:11

Looks like I have a date then... With bells on... Omg/yikes/holyshit!!!

Just texted him to ask if I ought to bring some wine then and had a very favourable response...

Just booked a return ticket to Slapper City I guess ;-)

Time to look for that thread re personal grooming that I was reading here (enviously!) the other day ..... Holy moly

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 29/06/2013 12:14

Trim, shave, moisturise, wear some nice underwear (for your own confidence) and have a great time :o

PiratesLifeForMe · 29/06/2013 14:17

Ah go & enjoy!! That certainly does not make you a slapper....just getting back in touch with your inner sex-fiend! Smile Wish my Saturday night was going to be as fun as yours!

HerrenaHarridan · 29/06/2013 14:28

Take condoms.

dint forget to report back Wink

CatsAndTheirPizza · 29/06/2013 14:29

Go for it from here too!

BabsAndTheRu · 29/06/2013 14:31

You are going to have a lovely night, a bit jealous here as I scan the TV guide for tonight's entertainment.

something2say · 29/06/2013 15:22

I would definitely go and I would definitely have a wonderful time of it.

I remembering coming out of a long unsatisfying thing, and then dating an ex colleague. Very clever man, entertaining, a gentleman but not all the time. I took ages dressing and bathing and doing my hair, we drank wine, I walked round his living room in my dress and high heels looking at his art knowing full well he was looking at my bottom as I stood there.....the first kiss was magic....we danced....he had an open fire etc......happy times indeed.

Just watch your language around it, there is no such thing as a slapper. Etc. this is allowed and normal, you are responsible, you have been denied happy times so grab onto it, no crying in his arms, no expecting him take care of you like he is your boyfriend etc.

Other than that, I advise some time out afterwards for you to get your head back together and realise You Slept With Another Man.....and some comfy pjs for the day after while you reminisce about it all. And tell us.

X. My boyfriend is also coming here tonight for some sex!!!!! Yippee!!! I set that up this morning x

kittenmittens · 29/06/2013 15:23

Perfect! Go for it!

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 15:25

He lives nowhere near me, just texted to make sure he was clear that if I came ... Well I'd be stay

OP posts:
something2say · 29/06/2013 15:26

And was he clear?

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 15:27

(Wah! Too early)

Staying over, and should I bring a tent ;-)

He replied please don't bother bringing pjs because you won't be in them for long 😳😯😈😋

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