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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Roll in the hay: yay or nay?

73 replies

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 11:04

This is my first post in an age - I lurk on here a lot, know most of you regulars by name & I know you don't pull any punches - here goes -

I met a guy last night. First date from an online dating site. He's the 2nd person I've met over maybe 6mos. 1st one didn't go anywhere but was a nice afternoon. I am not that experienced in the online thing.

This time was different. We had a good initial connection over text/email. He phoned me which was a bit of a shock(!) and arranged a date.

He's an attractive, arty kind of guy, great fun, a bit zany and had me laughing out loud in no time. We had a really fun time and at the end of the night left me in no doubt that he found me sexy and fun and wanted to see me again, and soon...

I'm 43 years old. I'm living in the husk of a broken 10 yr marriage (together 16 years). H still lives here with me and our 2 children. The marriage broke down when I found the usual shit on his phone, married affair profile, sexts to randomers, and emails for appointments with sex-workers whilst abroad. I went into a 6mo hysterical bonding after finding the shit, and 6mo later asked him if I could look at his phone. He refused, and that night I moved him out of our bedroom. He now lives down the end of the house. We have seperate lives, just coming together for bills mortgage and the children. Its been like this for 1year and 3mos. I find it extremely hard hard going - feel stressed just being around him, not good for my mental health.
He's leaving to work abroad for a few months in October. Our eldest (12)is clear on what's going on, (obvs i didnt tell her what her dad had done!!) and she encourages me to go out and do my own thing. Younger child (5) just accepted we don't share a room anymore.

Back to me. I haven't had any engagement with a man or sex for 6mos and haven't been too bothered (bar a v brieg fling with an old flame). Would it be so terrible if I hooked up with this date guy, for short-term fun, for sex, for some pleasure? I'm fairly sure he's not a keeper, he's a bit of a rolling stone & will be off travelling etc
But I like him, am very attracted etc

In October I'll be very restricted socially between work & commute & children so should I make hay (and roll in it? :) whilst I can??
Date sent me a sweet & sexy text this morning .., & asked if I'd like to come to his "for dinner" ;-)

I guess I'm worried about being slutty at jumping into bed with him. But on the other hand I'm thinking life is short & what's stopping me... Not like the H will hold back when he gets his wings izzit

Sorry this was soooo long & thanks for reading

OP posts:
something2say · 29/06/2013 15:28

Oh get up those stairs and pour an entire bottle of your favourite into the bath and get going with the music and preps!!!!!!

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 15:28

Wink Shock Blush

OP posts:
SmallSherryforMedicinal · 29/06/2013 15:33

Thanks everyone for your support Flowers

I know lots of you have been in the wars one way or another

And you've made feel its ok to live a little, and do something fun and exciting just for me.

Let the ablutions begin!

OP posts:
EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 30/06/2013 09:38

How did it go???

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 30/06/2013 13:19

Hello everyone

I'm on my way home after what can only be described as a distinctly underwhelming experience

I could go into detail but... A few things didnt exactly ring true as the evening progressed

The guy is 44 & has a serious body - really toned, lightly muscled and very obviously takes care and effort over it. Says he doesn't work out at all (desk job) ehhhh no.

Anyway down to the nitty gritty - we went for a drink before adjourning to his place. Left his wallet at home. No biggie.

I had brought (some very nice) wine, which we drank while he made a sauce for some pasta. Conversation going pretty well. More wine. We ate. More chats. He rolled a spliff, hadnt done that in forever, it was fun, nothing too heavy. Quite good conversation, showed me some stuff he's working on. And then we started to get it on...

No other way to put it than to say he was hung like a mouse. Really not that big at all. Anyway, that's life (no biggie) (literally) still having a nice time, until I suggested a condom might be useful. And that's when it all went pear-shaped. No way did this guy want to wrap it up. And at one point I thought he was going to go ahead without one. Not a super moment. But I really was kinda insistent. So he lost his hard-on, and didnt really get it back. Condoms are passion-killers, I was told. Evening finished with him going off to bed (alone), told me to blow the candles out when I was going. He was asleep (or pretending to be) when I followed him on later. If I wasn't so far away from home at 3am I'd have left...

Anyhoo, there was a bit of a fumble this morning, nothing to write home about. He got up, made tea, I had a snooze, got up coffee, tied up, chats, and took off.

Don't think we will be seeing each other again.

Oh well.

OP posts:
SmallSherryforMedicinal · 30/06/2013 13:21

Tidied up!

OP posts:
kalidanger · 30/06/2013 13:25

Oh god Grin Poor you Thanks

Hope you at least feel confident about getting out there now, iyswim?

LucyH28 · 30/06/2013 13:32

Oh no, I felt excited for you reading this thread! Sorry it was such a let down, well done for getting out there though!

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 30/06/2013 13:42

I know. All a lot of hot air.

Oh well. No-one's dead. Or raped.

OP posts:
MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill · 30/06/2013 13:42

He's an idiot. Better luck next time. And if someonr does have a small penis there are plenty of othr ways to get a women to have a good time, really to the point where you are not even considering penis size.
Hope the next time/person is an improvement!

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 30/06/2013 13:45

I agree Maggie. The small todger didn't phase me hugely. Him expecting me to take his word that he was clean did though.

OP posts:
MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 30/06/2013 13:54

Oh dear, what an anti-climax, literally.

Still, there's always the next time. The not wanting to use a condom bit would have put me right off though, good on you for insisting, shame he wasn't quite up to it.

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 30/06/2013 14:09

The not wanting to wear a condom, and looking like he might disregard your wishes on that, is a big red flag so ditch him and look for someone better. But don't be disheartened, there are plenty of decent men out there. Don't lower your standards, just keep looking.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 30/06/2013 14:24

He sounds exactly like someone I had a brief fling with 2 years ago. He didn't have dreadlocks did he? The fact that a guy is clearly quite happy to pork women with no condom, plus the likely number of women he has shagged in his shagging career means ummmm no thanks. I'd be surprised if a guy like that didn't have something lurking.

Never mind, live and learn. Sadly a lot of men in their forties and above seem to get willy wilt. It's a problem!

YoniBottsBumgina · 30/06/2013 14:30

Oh no. What a rubbish end. Ah well - plenty more fish etc :)

shameshame · 30/06/2013 14:59

Sorry it didn't work out as you'd hoped SmallSherry, 'forgetting' his wallet and miniscule dick = not a winning combo! Plenty more fish!

maleview70 · 30/06/2013 15:34

I was going to say what a knob......not really appropriate in this case :)

arsenaltilidie · 30/06/2013 15:55

Red flag or no red flag, it's not like you wanted anything longterm, he didn't deliver the goods.
He strikes me as one of those guys that remove the condom during ... without you knowing.
It's funny the ones that always talk a big game are almost shite.

CatsAndTheirPizza · 30/06/2013 17:46

Oh no. There seems to be a lot of wilting on this board at the moment. Better luck next time OP.

TheFallenNinja · 30/06/2013 18:10

Don't forget to limber up first Smile

TheFallenNinja · 30/06/2013 18:11

Whoops. Didn't read whole thread.

TobyLerone · 30/06/2013 18:25

Ugh, what a tiny knob!

Sallyingforth · 30/06/2013 18:33

Very sorry to hear your disappointment OP. You will really have to look out for another one now you've been persuaded it's OK :)
Just an afterthought - could his reluctance to use a condom on his tiny todger be because he would be embarrassed by it not fitting properly?

GiveItYourBestShot · 30/06/2013 18:52

What's more embarrassing, having to ask for small condoms or giving someone the clap! Better luck next time, smallsherry

Wildflowerlover · 30/06/2013 19:38

You have to remember there can be a huge difference between when a man's penis is flaccid and when it's erect. In some men it can look quite tiny at first but will grow dramatically to a fairly good size when he gets aroused! Whereas another man might look bigger at first but, strangely, his might not become as big as the first man's when fully erect.
Also, an older man's penis won't necessarily just grow impressively big and hard of its own accord like when he was an 18 year old in the bloom of youth, even though he's starting to feel aroused. The older the man the more physical touching he's likely to need in order for it to get bigger.
So, ideally, the woman needs to help with this by giving it lots of attention and physical stimulation rather than just waiting to see if it will rise from the dead all on its own as if by magic.
And no, I'm not asking what you did or didn't doSmile

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