Ending a Ten and a Half year affair

[Gehj]

Im unable to write full background for fear of being recognised but the crux of the problem remains the same... unbelievably I have been having an affair for the above time and it remains as passionate and intense today as it did on day one. The problem... I need to leave because I want a new life of my own as I know he does not have the strength, courage or wherewithal to leave his family. His children are now aged 18-21, his elderly mother (who lost her husband recently) has now come to live with him and he is the prime carer. I know it was morally wrong to become involved with a married man but the attraction was strong and I didn't for one moment, think it would span out 10years!!! How do I find the strength to leave a relationship that provides me with everything that a woman would relish except commitment! i.e love, companionship, support, fun and anything that a newlywed would be proud of. The physical side is as passionate as if we just met. How do I take steps to leave?? I have tried many times and each time we hurt each other, miss what we have and go back. WWYD apart from the suggestion of moving town and that is not feasible as I have children who are at college! He does not want me to leave which makes it all the more difficult.

[mumat39]

Gehj,

Springy, that's just it, I was just learning and understanding things a bit more so posted what i thought was genuinely interesting but that meant the thread went of from its ambling course.

I am SO by Scottishmummys response as I really wasn't trying o suggest OP had any mental health issues.

Sorry for causing all this trouble.

[springytats]

oh blast it, put that post back in! Is it copied somewhere?

Please don't listen to scottishmummy barking like a ferocious dog at you. She does that all the time on MN, it's her style. Take na notice!

You're not causing 'all this trouble', don't be daft. The thread was doing nicely imuo until the friday night crowd butted in.

[mumat39]

The spaghetti western scene is good.

I feel like I just moseyed into town and everyone including the horses stopped and stared having realised that it's my face on the wanted poster. Wanted for being a thread killer!

[springytats]

[scottishmummy]

Mumat asked for mnhq delete her posts
I think speculating on mental health,spouting terms in ta-dah thats why you is like that way
It's lazy o'er how can I try intellectualise and big up some online blah...aha guess the diagnosis

[VBisme]

Okay, let's call her a drama lama then.

[FoolishWoman]

Sorry for replying to an old post. I am the wife of a man who has been having an affair with another woman for 10 years. I am so hurt, and disgusted by both of them. Why would any woman think it's ok to have an affair with a married man? Or vice versa? Do they ever think how the unaware spouse will feel? I am convinced that these people who do this are narcissists. They just seem to think about themselves and have no impulse control. My DH says he has never loved this woman, and he wants me to stay. For the last 4 years DH has not been very nice to me, short, sarcastic, and really finding fault with me. Our marriage has not been perfect (obviously), but we were supposed to be working on it. We even went to marriage counselling last year... now I now why that didn't work.. he had a full time counsellor on tap, except she was obviously an echo chamber. I feel such a fool for being so stupid, and yet, still cannot decide whether to leave or not. I am so heartbroken and sad.

[hellsbellsmelons]

FoolishWoman
This thread is from 2013.
Please start your own to get some support.
In the mean-time google:
Hysterical bonding
The Script
Narcissistic personality disorder
Co-dependence
The Pick-Me dance

[YetAnotherUser]

Never ceases to amaze me the number of women who will have a relationship with a man who lives with his wife, but not one who lives with his mother...

[FoolishWoman]

Thank you for your response.

[oreoxoreo]

I feel really sorry for his unsuspecting wife, but you asked for advice.
I would write a letter to him and to his wife.
I probably wouldn't be specific about 10 years, but would give some details to make sure she believes you, and would apologize profusely for your wrong actions.
Let the can of worms open...
Your lover would hate you for that, but he should leave you alone, his wife would get the truth and you would be freed. And you couldn't undo it and go back even if you wanted it.

[SandyY2K]

@FoolishWoman

Sorry for replying to an old post. I am the wife of a man who has been having an affair with another woman for 10 years

A 10 year affair is a double life.

It makes a mockery of the marriage and personally I think remaining after that level of deceit is a sign of a lack of self esteem/confidence and would make your cheating spouse believe you're a doormat...ultimately making them lose any respect left that they had for you.

At the very least make them believe you're prepared to walk.