Step families. Need advice please

[ellie1234]

This is what happened......
Weekend away with my son (age 20) and my boyfriend to see my family and friends. A lovely welcoming and close time was had by all.....we always do.
Coming home my boyfriend is worried as traffic is delaying the journey home and his daughter(age20) is cooking a Fathers Day meal for him, consequently he does not have time to drop us home (it would have added 15mns to the journey) We get to his house at 8.00pm. His daughter says she did not realise my son was with us and there is only food enough for him and me.
As a result my son sits in front room while we sit in kitchen eating!
What happened??
Should I have stood my ground?
Should boyfriend have stood his ground and found extra food and been welcoming. (which he found in freezer after we finished eating)
Should his daughter have had the nouce to have been more welcoming.
It just felt so bad after the lovely time with my family.....or am I expecting too much

[Numberlock]

I love threads like this. Ask for advice, then turn on the posters because they must have 'angries' whatever they are!

[JustinBsMum]

I don't know - seems there is much history here we dont' know about. DP is scared to speak to DD as she will throw a wobbly? But despite her temperament you are 2 hours late! Your family are loving and welcoming but theirs is unkind (your view of treatment of DS)? But are you feeding DS (who is prob old enough to make up his own mind) your views about DstepD. If they are both 20 can't see why they can't forge a relationship, if DstepD is jealous or disapproving of your relationship can't you have an open discussion to try to come to some decision about the future. We don't know how you came to where you are now, is there rancour between DP and his ex upsetting Dstepd?

How long have you been with DP? Should you cut DstepD some slack? Sounds to me like she is trying to be nice. Not her fault you brought DS. Are you making mountain out of molehill - I would just put it behind me and forget about it, but as said above, what is the history?

[ellie1234]

Thank you justinBsMum for providing a wider view and suggesting its a molehill not a mountain.

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

Fault lies mostly with the person or people who were two hours late.

Once it was obvious that I was going to be seriously late, I would have called the DD, told her how late things were, that we would be coming straight there and was there anything she could do to feed an extra mouth? If you were two hours late, there was plenty of time to let her know what was going on. If there was no way she could have made additional food (which is possible, I wouldn't always have sufficient in my house), YOU could have offered to get something en route.

Sorry, but I think you put the DD in an awkward position that didn't need to occur. I am not saying the result was ideal and couldn't have been better (either of the two 'adults' could have simply said, let's just share ours out but NEITHER of you did it).

I think it's a bit rich blaming the DD when you could have done something about it yourself. The later drip feeding of other things about this family seem to suggest either wider issues (in which case, the example above is relatively nothing) or fabrication to get more people singing to your hymnsheet.

[seagull61]

Ellie - I would move this to step parents where you can get advice with MN-ers who are step parents in RL and understand these situations all too well. Fathers day has been a big topic this week! (And some of the MNers on here self declare they wear "judging pants" ... less than ideal)

[Doha]

Ellie l am so sorry if you thought l was shouting, that was honestly not my intention .

[ellie1234]

Apology accepted . Thank you Doha, your apology was sincere and I am sorry I took it the wrong way