He's told me bits and pieces about why they divorced but the jist of it has always been that she was moody, aggressive, violent, lazy etc etc and although he never said the words - he made out that he had divorced her - saying he got sick of her in the end and couldn't put up with her any longer.
Well we've been living together just a week and I found and read his divorce papers.
SHE divorced him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour stating that he was jealous and controlling throughout their relationship, not letting her have friends and driving away the friends she did have. He was controlling with finances not involving her in any financial matters (insurance, mortgages etc) and all such info was kept on a computer which was passworded. She said he was verbally abusive, often telling her that he didn't love her, didn't care about her and only cared about their children and that she should be happy she had someone willing to feed and clothe her. She said he was even more verbally aggressive after a drink. She also said he never showed her any love, affection, intimacy or compassion and was cold and emotionless towards her. She went on to say she had to ask him for money if ever she wanted to buy anything for herself or the kids and it would depend on his mood whether he agreed or not. She topped it off by saying he turned physically abusive and went on to describe an incident in which he kicked her and prevented her from getting into bed.
This has shit me up - more so because I've seen signs of all of this shit and just not acted on it telling myself I was being paranoid and over-reacting. On 3 different occasions he has become verbally abusive towards me after a drink. He's never tried to prevent me from going out but lately has made it awkward for me to do so and makes it obvious that he's not happy about it. He's insisted on sorted out all of my insurance and if ever I need to phone anyone (utilities/insurance etc) he insists on doing it for me. I thought he was just being helpful. His computer is indeed password protected (I just never bothered as I have my own laptop anyway). He does tend to withhold intimacy and despite it being a relatively new relationship, we can go a couple of weeks with no sex and it only resumes if I instigate it. During arguments he has made me cry with some of the things he's said and watched emotionless as I break down in front of him.
Anyway - as I said the incidents in our relationship are so far and few between that I have let it go telling myself it's all in my head but what has really pushed the button upon reading the divorce papers is the money situation. As I say, we've only been living together a week and we did our first grocery shop today. He controlled the whole trip saying we couldn't buy this, that and the other as we were saving money. I wanted to buy a plant for £2.50 - he said no as we couldn't afford it and then 10 minutes later went and bought a fryer for £20 that we didn't need.
I can't tell him I've read the divorce papers but I'm shitting myself over it - would I be naive to think that was their relationship and she could have pushed him to behave like that whilst our relationship is totally different? I have burnt bridges to live with him. Shitting bricks.
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Relationships
Read his divorce papers - not looking good for me :-(
PepperPotter · 16/06/2013 18:43
Leave. Run. GO. This will never be ok and it will get worse. You're only a week into living together and he is controlling and manipulative. You know this won't end well - the longer you wait the harder it is. Don't engage, just leave.
Good luck 
What were you doing this time last week? Last month? Last year? If you can't remember it, it's because it was just another day. 7 days, that's all.
It doesn't matter how many bridges you burnt, you've only wasted 7 days. In another 7 days, 1 month, 1 year, you could just be thinking 'remember when...lucky escape there.'
If you stay, then you can guarantee you'll remember this for a whole lot longer 
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