Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sex-please give me an honest answer to how often

63 replies

Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 00:34

Please excuse me if I sound jumbled as am quite upset & confused, I have created a new profile as I deleted my last one due to issue with 'D'H & reading my threads.

Please tell me HONESTLY how often you have sex & as a female how often you instigate this as I dont do it often & have now been made to feel like like a 'dried up old person' & basically like a cock tease.

Like I said I'm very sorry if I don't make sense, if you need clarification please ask & i'll try to answer-fuck this is not me, I know i'm stronger/better than this-please help me.

OP posts:
BodaciousTatas · 15/06/2013 00:38

Well I have sex anything from once a week to ten times a week, sometimes instigated by me sometimes by Dp. If I don't want to that's fine, if he doesn't want to that is fine.

You should not be made to feel bad because you don't want it more, we are all different. How long has this been a problem?

reggiebean · 15/06/2013 00:40

At least twice a week, usually more unless one/both of us has an exceptionally heavy workload at the time. I normally instigate it in the mornings, he normally wants it before bed.

Everyone is different though...

Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 00:43

I honestly didn't think it was, I'm just tired a lot of the time so don't make an effort to instigate but am happy to go along but sometimes I am just too knackered so will offer a BJ to try & make an effort but he has just said he feels like a 'sex pest' & bexause said no tonight, despite promising it earlier I'm now dried up old don't want sex anymore Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 00:45

reggie that's sort of like me-I like morning or sleepy sex, he's last thing at night which is a BIG turn off for me.

OP posts:
Justfornowitwilldo · 15/06/2013 00:45

If you're too tired and don't want to and he keeps pushing the issue, then 'a sex pest' is exactly what he is.

reggiebean · 15/06/2013 00:47

TBH, I went through a phase where I was just exhausted and never felt up for it. After a few (semi-)good-natured complaints from DP, I made myself instigate it, even if I didn't particularly feel up for it at the time, and I found that after doing that a couple of times, my sex drive came back again!

Worth a shot...

Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 00:49

No that's not it, I feel like I should try to do something but I don't know what-he's my husband I love him but i'm going to lose him & myself, i'm so confused-WTF is happening to me?

OP posts:
reggiebean · 15/06/2013 00:51

Is it just that you're tired at the end of the day? For me, it's when I feel the least attractive. My face is red from scrubbing, I have white spot paste dotted all over that smells like eggy farts, and I feel bloated and fat from dinner. Mornings, I feel we'll rested, my skin is a bit glow-ier, and it's when I'm skinniest.

He laughed at me when I told him that, but it helped him to know it wasn't him turning me off.

Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 00:52

I do try reggie but it's just not me now, I feel like I want to but I'm just so tired with stuff to do I just want him to deal with it but only when I want it -how fucked up am I???

OP posts:
Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 00:54

reading this back I can see how he's frustrated, wtf is wrong with me?? Am sobbing typing this as we can't sort this-I'm seriously fucked up

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 15/06/2013 00:56

Compromise and have a mid-afternoon poking session? I'm a sleepy morning relaxed sex person, DH more of a night shagger - when I least want it because I'm so tired. So we began changing our timetable a bit, started sharing the odd shower, dancing to slow music.

DS is 18mo; pre-DS we had sex once or twice a week - sometimes more, sometimes less. Post-DS, we've had sex three times. Full stop Sad

The best thing is to discuss it with your DP, communication is the key. Good luck Flowers

reggiebean · 15/06/2013 00:57

No, not at all fucked up, I can completely identify. Has it been a recent thing that your job or workload around the house has increased? If its job stuff, could you both take a Friday off sometime and just be lazy together? If its house stuff, what about hiring a part time house keeper or nanny (even for a week just to help you get caught up on things)?

Justfornowitwilldo · 15/06/2013 00:59

Honestly, you're shattered. He is pushing you for sex. He is being an arse when you are saying you're too tired.

Has he ever tried to help you to be less tired? Suggested you go and get an early night and no, I don't mean sex, I mean sleep? If you are more in the mood for sex in the morning why isn't that good enough for him?

Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 01:00

No nothing like that, he says he's felt like I haven;t made a move for the lst 18 months-is it coincidence that DS is 20 months?

OP posts:
Justfornowitwilldo · 15/06/2013 01:02

How on earth is it 'fucked up' to only want to have sex when you're actually in the mood for sex and not utterly shattered???

elQuintoConyo · 15/06/2013 01:02

holds hand

It seems you've lost your mojo - but it can always come back! Do you have dc? Have you felt like this post-dc? Post-weight-gain/loss? Post-working overtime? Are you stressed anywhere else? (Eg money troubles?)

Has your DP indicated there's a problem? Has he put all the onus on you ? Do you think he'd be surprised to know all this about you? Do you perhaps feel 'sexually distant' (for want of a better phrase) because he was spying on you on MN ? Is this a sign if deeper problems?

Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 01:03

Just because I don't go looking for it 1st thing in the morning-i'm just up for it iyswim, how do I suddenly 'start' to instigate?

OP posts:
MadameBlavatsky · 15/06/2013 01:04

How often is he wanting to have sex?

Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 01:05

2 DC-DD 3 years old & DS 20 months old was a size 10 now a wobbly 12 trying to sort this & do work outs

OP posts:
MadameBlavatsky · 15/06/2013 01:05

Also ditto what someone said upthread, does he do his fair share around the house and childcare? Do you get lie ins or time away from baby?

elQuintoConyo · 15/06/2013 01:06

I type too slowly!
So, he's pissed off you haven't bounced back to frequent shags at his request after dc?
You need to go at your pace. You know his pace and he should shove it up his arse!
Sorry, getting quite pissy about this.

Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 01:06

in his words he wants to 'fuck me all the time'

OP posts:
Original poster
Drunkendiva1 · 15/06/2013 01:08

Elquinto you have made me smile for the 1st time tonight & thanks for the hand holding, it was very much needed.

OP posts:
Justfornowitwilldo · 15/06/2013 01:08

You need to go and get some sleep! In the morning, when you're more alive, have a think about how you feel and then talk to him. Explain that you are absolutely shattered. That you do love him and fancy him, but that are tired all the time and, by the evenings, utterly knackered.

Try to spell out what you need from him as a DH and father so that you can be more alive again. Pulling his weight with housework, looking after his child, letting you catch up on sleep etc. Make sure he understands that this isn't a do X and I will do Y but rather a 'I need your help to feel like a functioning human being after 6pm again'. Over time it may help in other areas, but it's not just about sex.

reggiebean · 15/06/2013 01:08

Probably not. I don't have kids, so afraid I can't help much there, but from what I've seen of friends' kids, I'm exhausted after looking after one for an hour. No wonder you're tired! Honestly, what about a weekend, or even just a night, away? Get a babysitter or the grandparents in, and just have a day and night to yourselves. It'll make a world of difference in your relationship I think.

At the heart of it, I think it's about being wanted, which everyone wants to feel, especially from their other half. Just communicate with him. If a weekend away isn't possible right now, just tell him how you feel. You do love him, and you do desire him, but your exhaustion is overwhelming. He should understand, and offer to help when possible, because, really, it is in his best interest Wink

Swipe left for the next trending thread