Sex-please give me an honest answer to how often

[Drunkendiva1]

Please excuse me if I sound jumbled as am quite upset & confused, I have created a new profile as I deleted my last one due to issue with 'D'H & reading my threads.

Please tell me HONESTLY how often you have sex & as a female how often you instigate this as I dont do it often & have now been made to feel like like a 'dried up old person' & basically like a cock tease.

Like I said I'm very sorry if I don't make sense, if you need clarification please ask & i'll try to answer-fuck this is not me, I know i'm stronger/better than this-please help me.

I have a friend with benefits who I see on Wednesdays and Fridays so that would be twice a week. It works for me though. xx

shodan that's it exactly! All I want to do at the end of any given day is relax & watch some mindless shit on telly with maybe a gin & some choc. We need to talk it through-but not today.

Here's an idea to try: something that will NOT involve either of you instigating anything. Our professional therapist suggested that we, together, regularly, devise a sort of 'appointment' system.
Agree in advance on an arranged time for love-making for a particular week, when you're both likely to be free for an hour or even two, and not too tired!
Just like you'd book tickets for going to the theatre or going for a meal out or something, except that this time love-making is the main menu.
If it were the theatre it would then be settled and you'd go on the night, otherwise you'd have wasted your money.
Well, exactly the same as that, but for love-making! It means you both know it's going to happen then, and you prepare for it, just as you would if you were going out somewhere. You organise for it in advance.
So no instigation necessary. All done by prior arrangement every week or 10 days or fortnight, or whatever. You can add all sorts of romantic touches if you have the energy, such as a bath and candles. But this is not essential. Just being nice and loving to each other is surely the main essential, and never making it a demand. It's meant to be a mutual thing.

It's a great idea for the man because he knows he can be guaranteed some sex, or at least some loving intimacy and closeness (if by bad luck he isn't able at the arranged time for whatever reason, or she just can't let him go the whole way for some reason) with his wife during that hour or two. He doesn't have to hope any more, but not be sure if there'll be any sex. He can feel relaxed because it was promised and he knows she fully expects him to make love to her at that prearranged time. It's something for him to look forward to and get excited about.
I'm afraid it didn't work for us at all, didn't even get started, but that's another story. In spite of that I still think it's a great idea. You should try it at least since it solves the problem of you or he instigating it.

Do you think tender, loving thoughts about your partner? If not, try to find a way to do so. If it is impossible, then you have a big problem. But if you want to improve your relationship, start trying to think loving thoughts about him when he is near. It might help you feel close enough to him to overcome the barriers that have built up over time.

About instigating sex, well I don't have to as we know exactly why we meet! and it isn't to play scrabble!... Although last Friday we didn't make love as I was on my period and he took me shopping and for a meal. I certainly paid him back (Wed afternoon and last night) xxx

I could have written this OP so I really do know how you feel. I have a very low sex drive due to stress, tiredness, money worries & poor body image. My partner says he understands but asks at least once a day and makes me feel incredibly guilty for saying no. He will then give me the silent treatment and say its because he is "disappointed". Had a short holiday with family recently and he asked me on first night, I said yes only because I knew it would ruin holiday if I didn't. He says lovely things and compliments me but still sulks if we dont have sex regularly. Sorry for rambling and not trying to hijack your thread. Sorry no helpful advice, just want you to know you are not the only one.

Well we talked & he apologised for his behaviour, I should add that it has been a difficult time for him recently & this shit is out of character for him which is why it's been more upsetting for me. We both need to work at this & we intend to so we'll see how it goes...

Thanks to all who replied, particularly those of you who were there Friday night.

Best of luck with it all xx

Never in the last 12 years even though I am very happily married to a warm, loving man for 25 years.We used to dtd a lot when we were younger but health problems [his] meant we didn't for a while.We talked about it several times and realised neither of us missed it at all and were just worried that the other was feeling frustrated. We have both had happy and fulfilling sex with each other [and earlier with others] but now we just dont want to.
I challenge anyone to have a happier more fulfilling marriage.'Tis great not to bother-cuddles etc are great but when you are 77[dh] and 69[me] it seems less important to have intercourse.

Hi the grey lady. Just to say I wish you both many more happy years together as well. xx

What eimihi said. Carve out a specific time, get rest, have kids sorted, set a stage if necessary ( also bear in mind kids that age could screw the whole thing up by having some kind of crisis, but that's parenthood.) Relax & enjoy it as much as possible, do not focus on intercourse per se, be sure YOU are being pleased (I am reading Boudoir Bible ATM -brilliant!) Even if that is only once or twice a month, it is far more satisfying than numerous bouts of PIV.
Current new partner (55) & I (61) are at twice a week for a couple of hours each time but we don't have small children -makes a BIG difference!

I only see him at weekends, so whether my children are home or not, at least once on a weekend, or sometimes up to 3.

If I lived with him - bar Auntie Flo's visits each month - I'd like some every day, he's that irresistible to me . In fact, Auntie Flo isn't even always a hindrance. My goodness I fancy the pants off him.

I'm pretty sure most people only get it once a week. It's hard to fit it in around two full time working parents what with getting up early for school runs amd work, and getting home late from work, in that mad couple of hours rushing to get dinner, bath amd bedtime sorted, being knackered yourself, and falling into bed at midnight or earlier, I imagine.

Quality not quantity I'd recommend. And the rest of the time, it's amazing how far some saucy suggestion can go in keeping the twinkles glinting.