I'm in pieces,,,Please give me your opinion on this Email from STBXH....

[shadesofwhite]

I'm a complete emetional wreck and I'm in a womens refuge with my DD. I emailed STBXH and told him I'm not oppossed to him having contact with our DD however it has to be done through the court. Mind you I was given an ultimatum by SS after a series of DV reported by police, HV, GP and concerned friends and family members "to leave him or have DD taken to foster care". This is the reply I got..
Though I have had a daughter whom I love and I have not been able to enjoy her during much of her the infant years; to spend time with her and appreciate her wonderful company and give her my genuine love at this time; I know plainly and clearly that this was never my making, choice or desire.  I do not merit to be told that I love and care for her by anyone in this world... And further since you feel it is your prerogative to keep her like your own possession, you can carry on doing so - I will not make any claim or plead in any way. Just know one thing, in all my life, I will never attend any court session to place my signature on any document or contract, to bequeath the rights of my own child to the state, to have any state body decide if or when I can have the privilege and opportunity to see DD. I will not be complicit to any such arrangement by a (edited racist word) judge in this land, to have the impudence of claiming to grant me authority or access to my own flesh and blood. She is our daughter, however, if you see it fit to keep her away from me, please carry on doing so but know that I will never attend any court to plead or beg for my own rights as a father. We are her sole parents and she deserves to see her father as much as you but nevertheless if you feel that her life solely belongs to you alone, then by all means keep her away from me, as you have.  I will not request, beg or ask for that which is my right... NEVER, not from anyone!

Its upsetting me a lot and everytime I look at DD my eyes are flooded with tears, this man doesn't have a heart at all. Please help me not feel sorry for taking DD away from him .He a proud arrogant narcsist. Suggestions for reply to this email are much appreciated.

[spudalicious]

That sounds like the sort of over dramatic nonsense my emotionally abusive ex would come up with. Sadly (for me) he never sticks to it.

Next up I predict empty threats of suicide.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

[tipsytrifle]

You've taken DD and yourself away from danger. That's it. No reply to that email, don't, don't. Don't. No further contact in any way shape or form. Some say Narcissist, others might say Psychopath, it's a sliding scale. I heard the top end. Stay away and stay free. Do not respond to the vitriolic arrogance that is flooding from that email. Steel yourself to feel nothing but outrage at the arrogance and intrusive nature of what was an emotional attack on you and your DD. No further contact at all.

Mantra suggestion? "I am right, he is off his head!"

You escaped a horrific situation. Stay free and safe dear you and DD.

[RoooneyMara]

I wouldn't even bother trying to get maintenance tbh.

Not that he should be allowed not to pay, but you should be allowed to live without his bollocks, and if that means not involving him in ANY way then I'd take the path of least resistance iyswim.

[TartinaTiara]

What is it about abusive self-important twats that they all seem to write long rambling missives using big words that don't make sense all together?

Print off the e-mail, give it to the people whose job it is to deal with this shite, then forget about it. Am at a loss to see how you could reply to it in any event, other than by putting a load of big words in a hat and picking them out in random order.

[Whatwouldyousay]

It's hot air and emotional blackmail. I got countless of these when I left my ex. He never stuck to his word. It induced huge amounts of anxiety for me at the time until one day I called his bluff and he backed right off (not suggesting you do that).

Ignore it.

[shadesofwhite]

I'm thrilled to read your replies . Emotional abuse was my everyday cup of tea. The use of so called big sophisticated words to make me feel worthless, useless and unwanted. What makes me even more happy is that you all recognize how nasty he sounds in just one email let alone the improper use of English Language his so called sophisticated talk

I will take the advice on board. Plus I will keep this thread to lighten up my mood when I'm low He's never had anyone stand up to him, he believes he should be worshiped and respected regardless of his awful behavior towards members of public. Not to mention how many people he has assulted and done a runner, no wonder he is petrified too proud to go to court cause he knows I'll expose his dirty linen in public. He is an executive of some company and I feel so sorry for his juniors.

thanks again for your immense support and encouragement. Bless

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Good advice above.

I would change your email address too- let him contact you through your solicitor, you have no need to hear first hand from him or tell him anything directly.

It must have been upsetting but as otghers have said it's all EA bollocks.

Glad you are getting good support from the refuge people - your daughter will thank you in later life.

[WestieMamma]

My abusive ex said pretty much the same. 'If I can't see her on my own terms, I won't see her at all'. Fair enough. That was 20 years ago and she's grown into a beautiful, happy, well adjusted adult and he missed out on the lot.

[TimeofChange]

Definately change your email address and don't give him the new one.

Best wishes to you and your beautiful daughter.
You have a new wonderful life ahead of you.

[WafflyVersatile]

Mark his email as spam in the meantime. Also keep the email(s) as they will be useful should he ever decide to try for custody, not that it sounds like he'd have much chance but he might try it just to fuck you about and cause you grief.

And well done on removing yourself and your child from such a damaging environment. Good luck to you.

[Nerfmother]

That's all well and good but why did you contact him first? That's the worrying bit, not his waffly reply.

[clam]

Good God, I hope he doesn't have to write for a living. That's just about the worst grammar I've ever read in my life.

Twat.

[GeekLove]

A man who give two shits about his child doesn't beat his wife. Having seen that email that has to be one of the worst uses of grammar and vocabulary I have seen for a long time. I hope in later days you can re-read it and laugh at its terrible writing.

[Jux]

It's hilarious, really. His grammar is atrocious and as already said, his attempt to use sophisticated phrases and long words merely marks him out clearly as someone who has no idea what he is saying. Twat of the first water. Twunt. FW.

Ignore ignore ignore. Saves you time and effort, keeps you dignified, and absolutely drives abusers mad.

[Homebird8]

Translation.

I am claiming to love her but admit I have never shown this to her or spent any time with her. I'm not even sure how old she is. But it's not my fault. Nobody on the planet can even pretend that I love or care for her and they should not tell me so. You can carry on doing all the work, I'm not going to offer any help in parenting. I would be totally embarrassed to have the truth put to me in a court so am pretending I am above social structures such as courts. I am giving you the position of authority and it is your responsibility if you dare to trust me with her. I have half ownership whatever you say and will not put her first by accepting I need to earn the privilege to be deemed responsible enough to spend time with her. So, there!

[Justfornowitwilldo]

It's handy evidence of what an absolute fuckwit he is and his contempt of the legal process.

[bragmatic]

Good luck Shades. You've begun your new life now.

This won't be the last time he tries to fuck with you though. Stay strong. x

[Oldraver]

MissStrawberry and Homebir have translated well. My version is

"No One is going to tell me what to do and I dont care if it means I wont see my DD

Well rid, now you can make a happy life for you and DD

[Sunnywithshowers]

Well done for leaving OP and starting a new life with your DD.

I'm reading this book about abusive men (had EA XH) and it's brilliant. Your X's email sums up the sense of entitlement these guys have.

Well done for standing up to him. x

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Firstly, well done for escaping! You have done an amazing thing, and your posts are strong and determined in the face of a man who has tried to crush you. Keep on this path, whatever he does to try and throw you off.

Think of this email as his trying to throw stones at you to knock you off the path to a happy daughter and life... But you're moving out of reach and soon anything he throws at you won't even touch you, you'll be too far away.

[AdoraBell]

If you ever again need something to stop feeling sorry for taking DD away from him, this.

She is no longer living with a controling bully, she will not grow up watching that bully abuse her mother.

Well done for getting away, stay strong and safe.

[mathanxiety]

Just look at that piece of arrogant, pathetic, wordy claptrap next time you start to wobble.

He is saying that you took the ball and ran off and won't play any more.
Of course he wants the ball back so everyone will have to play by his rules, and he will win (and the ball will get kicked around but that is what a ball is for). He is saying he won't play by anyone else's rules but his own. Obviously he thinks you were just as engaged in the game as he was and his hope is that you still are so interested you wouldn't be able to resist his invitation to return the ball to play.

So no more contact, ok? That is how people like him get the boot in.

[SavoyCabbage]

What a nobber.

He's trying to bamboozle you with his long words but its utter drivel. "The infant years" pah! It sounds like my infant offspring when they play dressing up and like to speak in ye olde worlde language.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Do not respond at all to such a piece of drivel.

This is typical waffly narcissistic prose on his part; note as well its all about him and him some more.

Your initial thought of your DD having any contact with this man should now be kicked into touch. There should be no contact between your DD and he, this man is wilful and emotionally disordered. Also Social Services have given you an ultimatum here. Listen properly to what they are telling you.