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Relationships

I'm in pieces,,,Please give me your opinion on this Email from STBXH....

86 replies

shadesofwhite · 14/06/2013 18:31

I'm a complete emetional wreck and I'm in a womens refuge with my DD. I emailed STBXH and told him I'm not oppossed to him having contact with our DD however it has to be done through the court. Mind you I was given an ultimatum by SS after a series of DV reported by police, HV, GP and concerned friends and family members "to leave him or have DD taken to foster care". This is the reply I got..
Though I have had a daughter whom I love and I have not been able to enjoy her during much of her the infant years; to spend time with her and appreciate her wonderful company and give her my genuine love at this time; I know plainly and clearly that this was never my making, choice or desire.  I do not merit to be told that I love and care for her by anyone in this world... And further since you feel it is your prerogative to keep her like your own possession, you can carry on doing so - I will not make any claim or plead in any way. Just know one thing, in all my life, I will never attend any court session to place my signature on any document or contract, to bequeath the rights of my own child to the state, to have any state body decide if or when I can have the privilege and opportunity to see DD. I will not be complicit to any such arrangement by a (edited racist word) judge in this land, to have the impudence of claiming to grant me authority or access to my own flesh and blood. She is our daughter, however, if you see it fit to keep her away from me, please carry on doing so but know that I will never attend any court to plead or beg for my own rights as a father. We are her sole parents and she deserves to see her father as much as you but nevertheless if you feel that her life solely belongs to you alone, then by all means keep her away from me, as you have.  I will not request, beg or ask for that which is my right... NEVER, not from anyone!

Its upsetting me a lot and everytime I look at DD my eyes are flooded with tears, this man doesn't have a heart at all. Please help me not feel sorry for taking DD away from him .He a proud arrogant narcsist. Suggestions for reply to this email are much appreciated.

OP posts:
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Xales · 14/06/2013 19:08

You do not have a choice but to do as you are told by the system or they will rightly remove the child that would be in danger.

He is a twat.

Courts are all for children to have relationships even with the twattiest of fathers.

Why are you feeling guilty when he could do what the system required. See his child for a few sessions in a centre and then move onto contact alone? He is refusing to do this. Him. This is his choice.

You have not taken DD away from him. He is too up his own arse to do what he should.

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Nerfmother · 14/06/2013 19:13

Not being funny but why on earth did you email saying you we're happy for him to have contact , but thro the courts? What prompted that ? You didn't have to contact him, and having been told its him or the dc is have thought choosing to contact him would be the last thing on your mind?

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CbeebiesIsMyLife · 14/06/2013 19:14

When I read it, I felt so sorry or you. It feels like he is trying to guilt you into changing your mind. Blaming you for keeping her away and getting his argument ready for if she goes looking for him.

Like others here I would feel absolute relief. He doesn't want to know. You and your dd have a clean break. Delete his number, email address and any other contact means and ignore ignore ignore.

Keep the email, you may need it in the future. But don't respond. You don't need to. You're free.

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monkeynuts123 · 14/06/2013 19:14

Hang on a minute, he beat you so bad you're in a hostel and you're worrying about how he feels? Protect your daughter and yourself and be honest with ss that you're still having contact with him and need more help with that. He's sick, one day you will see that.

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pinkfelttippen · 14/06/2013 19:14

Where is he from? Originally I mean? Because his use of English makes me think he's possibly of mediterranean/middle eastern descent?

The reason I ask is that I'm worried about the possibility of abduction. Is there any risk that he could try to take your child back to his own country?

I apologise if that's not the case at all, but better to cover all bases.

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MissStrawberry · 14/06/2013 19:16

He is using long flowery prose to basically say

you have stood up to me and I do not like it so I will make it sound like you are denying my daughter her father when actually I can't be arsed, am pleased to be able to walk away and now she is your sole responsibility.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 14/06/2013 19:20

You ought to be laughing over his deluded attempt at justifying the indefensible. And thanking whichever deity you worship that your child will never have to come under the influence of this nutjob.

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shadesofwhite · 14/06/2013 19:21

Thank you all soo much for the advice. I will ignore it and cut off contact. I feel so much better reading your responses. Will print the email and save for future ref when I'm applying for full custody. My DD is under 2. The refuge is great and I've signed up to lots programs to better myself. I really hope and want to forget what I went through. Receiving such an email triggers my anxiety to an extreme end. Thank you all for support Flowers.

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WeAreEternal · 14/06/2013 19:22

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

He is a pathetic excuse for a father who has overused language in an attempt to make himself sound more intelligent and righteous than he actually is.

He has said in his own words that he will not go to court or ask for access so it sounds like he is doing you a massive favour, take it and run far, far away.

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aamia · 14/06/2013 19:23

He doesn't give a shit about her really. If he did, he'd go to court and get contact arranged. It's a very very very good thing for her that he doesn't give that shit though. He won't be seeing her, and won't get a chance to ruin her life.

You obviously love her more than you are afraid of this man, because you got yourself away from him so she could stay with you and not go into foster care. Carry on keeping her safe, and making her life a good one.

I have seen quiet, easily frightened, jumpy and distracted children blossom, almost overnight, when abusive dads are removed from the situation. They become the people they should have been all along - confident, happy, carefree. Cut all contact for her sake. Don't reply. You are doing the right thing for your little girl, who YOU love. Your love is all she will ever need. Good luck with your new life.

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shadesofwhite · 14/06/2013 19:23

MissStrawberry I couldn't agree more Grin

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conantg · 14/06/2013 19:24

This is great news for you: he is basically saying he will not be around to abuse you and your DC. Rejoice. And ignore.

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MissStrawberry · 14/06/2013 19:24

Blinking heck. That's 3 times someone has agreed with me. Maybe I am not as stupid as I thought I was Grin.

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YouStayClassySanDiego · 14/06/2013 19:28

As said by others, just ignore it.

He's still trying to control you.

Print off the email, put it away for safe keeping then delete it.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 14/06/2013 19:29

Aamia, was the best day in my life when my my mum finally LTB. My life officially became wonderful from that day on.

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DehydratingManiac · 14/06/2013 19:32

Tell him to have a merry fucking Christmas and nob off.

Or if you'd like to meet like for like, tell him that having considered his correspondence and given it due attention as befitting the thoughts of your offspring's paternal parent and inspired by the content of the aforementioned missive, you think he should fuck the fuck off.

My darling, you and your dd are going to be just fine.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 14/06/2013 19:35

I love that reply maniac Grin

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TheDoctrineOfAllan · 14/06/2013 19:38

So bloody proud of you for getting away, OP

Flowers

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GiraffesAndButterflies · 14/06/2013 19:42

Sounds like he doesn't think he will get contact through the court and so he thinks guilting you into it has a better chance of success. Angry

If he was worth your DD's time then he'd go to court to see her if he had to.

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AThingInYourLife · 14/06/2013 19:42

If he actually sticks to what he says in that e-mail, you and your daughter have been very lucky.

Please tell someone from the refuge that you have made contact with him.

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TheOrchardKeeper · 14/06/2013 19:44

Be glad he's not trying to get access! Smile

Well done on leaving and hope you two are ok and you're feeling safe Thanks

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TheOrchardKeeper · 14/06/2013 19:46

(if it helps...my dad did this to my mum and I'm so grateful I've never had to see him or hear from him and can't remember anything too bad. I'll always be grateful to my mum for leaving when she did and fighting for us in court)

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kerala · 14/06/2013 19:47

He sounds as if he is not all there. Is English his first language?

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startlife · 14/06/2013 19:59

He is playing on your feelings as a good mum who feels guilty that her daughter will not have a good enough father.A caring dad would be do what's needed to see his daughter if he truly cared about her. Please don't feel guilty - you cannot change him.

He is blaming you and failing to take responsibility for his actions - absolutely typical of abusive behaviour.

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TheSecondComing · 14/06/2013 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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