am i being too clingy

[carlajean]

my dh and I are taking a 2 month holiday abroad, and posting what we're up to on Facebook. we've only got a few friends on there that I know are interested, plus family. anyway, none of our children respond to this, which up to them, but they also don't respond when we send them an occasional email, with news of the holiday. they are in their twenties, but I feel sad that they can't be bothered to respond (there's no other rift, when we're at home we get on very well). am I being clingy?

Posting your travelogue on FB is not direct communication, it's just a generalised bulletin. When my friends went for a few months to India, I'll be honest, their 'what we did today' blog was utterly boring. So if it gets ignored beyond a few 'likes' I'd say that was normal.

Not responding to a direct e-mail.... depends on the content. If it's just more stuff about your holiday rather than asking them something specifically I can see why they wouldn't respond. It's the equivalent of a postcard.... no-one replies to postcards.

Do you call them? Skype?

Step mil did this, to be frank , we had no intersperse and it was shit boring.
We are not mean horrible people by the way, it's just their interests aren't ours.
Hth.

Intersperse......interest. ... We wouldn't do it cos I can't type.......

ahhh I don't think you are being clingy - I'd be gutted if my DCs ignored something like that.

I think DCs grow up being fussed over by their loving parents and don't realise that sometimes they need to make a bit of the effort themselves. They are so used to their parents being massively interested in them that they think that they are massively interesting, and the don't realise that a lot of that interest was faked, because we love them, and they in turn need to fake a bit of interest in their loved ones interests as they grow up.

TBH I think what I'd do is phone them in the middle of the night and say "Oh darling you ARE OK, thank goodness! I was so worried when we never had a reply from any of our messages, I thought something had happened! What? What time is it there? Oh sorry!" And then go on to ask if they can just acknowledge your messages from time to time so you know they are all right.

Come to think of it - are you sure they ARE all right? Might someone have died and they don't want to contact you because if they tell you it'll ruin your holiday? Could one of them be pregnant and ditto?

Or could they be pissed off that you are spending money on a holiday instead of paying off their student loan/buying them a new car and trying to subtly punish you?

I would just presume they are living busy, interesting and fun lives. Think back to when you were their age, were you spending your evenings writing to your parents and how often did you call? I'm not on Facebook but I think you need to find a way of keeping in contact that works for both of you - phone, skype, email or visits, or combination. I like Skype because you can see how they look - are they well - and its nice to see their room etc. when they are abroad; I've also met their flatmates on Skype. Sounds like you just want posts that say your holiday sounds great but maybe they would like a chat about how they are.

thanks everybody, it's helped me feel more balanced