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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

IS HE TELLING ME THE TRUTH?

90 replies

caroline18 · 29/05/2006 10:31

hi all
i having some problems with my partner i feel he doesnt always tell me the truth i wanted to know our eldest daugher was on laptop and said to me there were dirty things down loaded i confronted him he says they down load themselves when u go 2 certain sites i not great on pc but it he telling me porkies could someone give me advice please

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 12:59

So he got you your house did he? He didn't get the house for himself and his daughter too did he not?

A marriage is more than a house. Marriage is about respect, trust, partnership, compromise. If you love someone you are happy to give without keeping score. Would you say your dh does any of these things? Perhaps he needs a reminder of just what a marriage, and what love, is all about. You are not a pet to be 'kept'. Go to Relate by yourself, then make some decisions.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:00

he has no respect for me maybe never had

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:03

Rhubarb
i was unhappy where we lived 1 of the reasons the kids didnt have a garden to play in this new house does they have never mentioned their old house they loved their new one yes moved for myself and most of all my kids something for them

OP posts:
Carmenere · 29/05/2006 13:03

I think that raising his children probably qualifies as having earned a bit of respect, don't you?

Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 13:03

Then do yourself and your girls a favour and get away from this man. He treats you this way because you allow him to. Think to what you used to be, to the person you were before he robbed you of your identity. Get angry - I mean, how fecking dare he! It's not enough to control you, to take away your self-esteem and your confidence, to give your daughters' a bad example of men, but he also has to rub your nose in it by playing away and then saying that it's your fault!

Ditch the creep!

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:06

Carmenere
finding faults in me saying i ask kids to do things in wrong tone of voice i do everything with kids oh yesterday first time in months he took them to the park and mcdon but said to me u can stay in the house when he came back i made sure i was out later on said there was a cross word say cause i wasnt there so is he telling me he doesnt need me or playing games with my head

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:09

i believe im a good mum got a little part time job 16 hours 2 day week

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 13:10

He is trying to control you. Telling you what you can and can't do and undermining you so that you'll rely on him for everything. That way he gets the faithful little wife at home doing everything in her power to please him and earn his approval, whilst he sees other girls on the side. Life couldn't get any better for him could it?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's how I see it.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:10

i do shout at the kids that my only downfall maybe dont use the right form of langage sometimes a least i admit it

OP posts:
Carmenere · 29/05/2006 13:11

I'm a bit confused Caroline, he took the kids out but told you to stay in and was angry because you went out? Is that what you are saying because if it is get out now. What would give someone the right to control another adults coming and going?

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:12

Rhubarb
i know you are so right he tells people that it is him that does all the running about with the kids but it me if i say i going to take them somewhere i do he doesnt that upsets them and me

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 13:12

We can tell you to get out until we are blue in the face - what do you want to do?

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:14

Carmenere
when i came back yesterday evening only been out for a few hours just at tesco getting shopping came home he said had a good day had u i never replied he said im off to bed now 6.45 pm

OP posts:
TheMammy · 29/05/2006 13:15

goodness... so the OP wasn't all it seemed.

You have a lot of layers to work through here Caroline. Are you foreign? Does your dh speak another language if he is getting texts from another lady in a different language?

If you need to ask others if they think your DH is having an affair then it seems you already have reasosn to be suspicious... what do you think? Has he been acting differently from usual. He seems like a very childish and selfish man, I am shocked at him giving you an infection. Stop having unprotected sex with this man before you fall pregnant again and he makes a mess of another life.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:16

Rhubarb
i want out tells me i have it really easy cause i work 2 days a weeks 16 hours i go to college to better myself for a couple of hours one night a week feel he begrudges me that

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 13:16

He's a child.

Do you really want to continue with this life? Are you happy? You know what we think now, the question is, what are you going to do about it?

Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 13:18

Here's what you do.
You go to the Citizens Advice Bureau for financial advice.
Transfer some money into a bank account for you and your daughter's that he cannot touch.
See a solicitor.
When you have all the advice you need and your finances are safe, you tell him to get out.

Carmenere · 29/05/2006 13:18

Of course he begrudges it, people who better themselves value themselves and it's impossible to control someone who values themselves.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:19

TheMammy
i not foreign dont know he could feel as if dont know this person maybe never did

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:20

Rhubarb
ok thanks

OP posts:
Carmenere · 29/05/2006 13:22

Do you know what Caroline, once you said you were going to college and working part time I stopped worrying about you so much. I think that you probably do want and will get a better life than you have with him at the moment. I think you are probably quite strong.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:22

Carmenere
that why i wanted to move didnt want my daughters growing up where we were living but he couldnt see that he was totally happy there with the people i wanted better for the kids and for them to have a garden

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:23

Carmenere
do you know he said i will be glad when this college finishes i said well i going back next year for another course he looking to get me into full work he only does 4 day week

OP posts:
Carmenere · 29/05/2006 13:24

Well now you have moved somewhere better for you and the kids do what Rhubarb has suggested and start putting a plan in place to get rid of this nasty, controlling, cheating, pox ridden bully. sorry if that's harsh but c'mon you don't deserve this.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 13:24

Carmenere
do you know Carmenere if it werent for my kids probably wouldnt be here today they are my life and what i life for

OP posts: