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Original poster

IS HE TELLING ME THE TRUTH?

90 replies

caroline18 · 29/05/2006 10:31

hi all
i having some problems with my partner i feel he doesnt always tell me the truth i wanted to know our eldest daugher was on laptop and said to me there were dirty things down loaded i confronted him he says they down load themselves when u go 2 certain sites i not great on pc but it he telling me porkies could someone give me advice please

OP posts:
nothercules · 29/05/2006 11:11

posts crossed

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 11:11

yes we have been together for a while i trusted him 100 per cent but i just dont know anymore do feel he is lying to me

OP posts:
Carmenere · 29/05/2006 11:19

IMO porn isn't a problem but other women and joining a dating agency are BIG problems. I'm afraid you are going to have to have this out with him. Sorry for you.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 11:24

do you think hes had an afair or has had one just dont know what to do any more oh he said he would go to doctors for tests last week cause i got an urine tract infection due to unprotected sex with him but still waiting yes i am feeling low at minute he doesnt help

OP posts:
nothercules · 29/05/2006 11:27

It doesnt matter what we think. I honestly think you have more problems in your relationship than can be resolved here. How is he at talking?

Carmenere · 29/05/2006 11:28

Oh God, you poor thing, that's grim. Do you think he's had an affair? You really will have to talk to him seriously, having that sort of mistrust in a relationship will just eat you up.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 11:32

no good at talking just shouts and gets angry i feel that something is not right

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 11:33

do you think he has been having an affair?

OP posts:
nothercules · 29/05/2006 11:35

It's impossible to know that. The only thing that matters really is what you think. If you think he is capable of it then you need to either decide to spend serious time at working at the relationship, put up with it or leave.

I know which I'd do.

nothercules · 29/05/2006 11:36

Got to go out now. Good luck.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 11:37

nothercules thanks

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 11:40

Let me get this straight.
There is downloaded porn on his pc that cannot just appear no matter what he says!

He has a password on his pc that you do not have.

He has strange text messages from a girl.

He has joined a dating agency in the past to 'punish you'.

He has been an alcoholic (not sure if this is still the case)

He has sent porno emails to girls.

He goes away on business.

You get an infection because of unprotected sex with him.

Just remind me of why you are still with this guy! He is seriously undermining you as a person, he is getting away with appauling behaviour! Would he allow you to do all of this I wonder?

Carmenere · 29/05/2006 11:47

Rhuby's right Caroline

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 11:52

i know

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 12:26

Carmenere and Rhubarb he been dry 7 years now what do or say to him

OP posts:
Carmenere · 29/05/2006 12:34

Well it depends on what you want out of the conversation. Do you love him? Do you see yourself growing old and content with him? Do you think you can trust him in the future?

Personally I'd just pack his bags but then I'm saying that from the comfort of my relatiively happy existance.

I'd imagine that you either need to get reassurance or an admission from him. Getting tested for an STD may clarify thing eitherway.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 12:36

yes going to see my gp on wednesday i cant forgive him just need to know 100 per cent

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 12:44

then you ask yourself the question well if he had been happy at home he wouldnt have been looking else where

OP posts:
Carmenere · 29/05/2006 12:46

NO, you don't ask yourself that question. If he was unhappy at home he should have talked to you about it.

Rhubarb · 29/05/2006 12:50

So this is your fault now is it? Because you have failed to be a good wife you have driven him away? Do you not see what is happening here? What about you? If you are not happy at home does that mean that you are justified in seeking comfort elsewhere?

I know what I would say and do, but I have a feeling that you don't really want to know that. Look at it this way, you have one daughter that we know of, do you really want her to enter into the same kind of relationship that you have right now?

Are you happy? Are you fulfilled? Does your dh make you feel special?

If there is no trust then there is no relationship as far as I am concerned. If your job is to make him happy, then I presume that is his job too, otherwise it would be one-sided and unfair right?

I think you would benefit from counselling. I suggest you go yourself for a couple of sessions and then invite him. You need to talk to someone about your relationship, someone who is unbiased and who has seen plenty of relationships and who can advise you.

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 12:51

Carmenere
we only bought a house month ago everything is such a mess he said to me last night u got ur house do you think you deserve it you dont deserve anything i said to him i did deserve it i told him he had no respect for me he said u have to earn it i told him if i hadnt got respect by now i would ever have and i was going begging for it

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/05/2006 12:51

You are not solely responsible for his happiness - he is!.

He is very good at blaming you and he takes no responsibility for his actions. He certainly hasn'd said sorry has he?. He is a very selfish individual whose primary and main concern is him.

You may well love him but what is there to love exactly?. Methinks he has you exactly where he wants you because you'll put up with anything he does and take him back. He has no respect for you whatsoever.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents - what did they teach you?. In the present day what are you teaching your children, that it's okay to be treated like this as you haven't left?.

fransmom · 29/05/2006 12:54

it doesn't sound as if caroline18 has issues about (complicated bit) whether she can trust him, its whether he is a trustworthy person. i'm sorry caroline18 but from what you've said (just skimmed thru quickly) it sounds very much like he isn't (((((hugs)))))

Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 12:57

Rhubarb
got three girls

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline18 · 29/05/2006 12:59

hes never took any responsability for anything in his life

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