Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh dear Stbex has his first childcare issue lol

67 replies

Mosman · 12/06/2013 00:42

He thinks having just got back from 2 weeks away training muggins here is going to have another week of straight 24/7 on my own with four kids.
I've told him just that he has to do 50% of their washing, 50% of the cooking, cleaning, tidying, getting them ready for school and no I can't have them for 5 days straight.

I'm quite enjoying giving him a taste of the problems he'll be facing from here onwards.

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 12/06/2013 00:49

You go, girl!

Bogeyface · 12/06/2013 00:53

Nice, very nice. :o

Just one teeny criticism.......next time, get a picture of his face and post it on your profile!

Darkesteyes · 12/06/2013 00:57

Yay Good for you OP Im another one who would love to have seen him doing the cats bum mouth face.

Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 01:24

He did look cross ha ha
I've sent him a little text pointing out the school holidays are coming up so he'll need to cover that, oh and they need taking away on holiday once a year each, he can have Christmas afternoon all that shit.
The reality is about to dawn. I also pointed out if the kids suffer that'll be the end of 50/50 as he thought a 12,11 and 9 year old could get themselves up, ready and off to school.
Yeah right.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 12/06/2013 01:34

:o My 7 and 8 year can get themselves up and ready. My 11 and 15 year olds? Not so much :o

Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 01:56

The thing is his mother pissed off and left him to his own devices fairly young and he knows himself he failed his a levels because nobody cared if he went to school or not. That is simply not happening with my kids.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 12/06/2013 05:29

So 50/50 means '50/50 when I have nothing else going on'?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/06/2013 06:08

Whilst I can appreciate that you're feeling empowered by the new arrangements and 'sticking it to the man', I don't think, when it comes to the care of your children, that you should indulge too much in schadenfreude. If you're both still living under the same roof (do I remember that right?) then all this animosity is going to play badly in front of the children.

lemonstartree · 12/06/2013 06:52

well said Cogito, And I also think a 12, 11 and 9 year old SHOULD be able to get themselves up and ready for school ?

Dadthelion · 12/06/2013 07:46

If you don't think 50-50 will work or really don't want to do it, I'd have a real think about not doing it.

It works best, in my opinion, when parents are amicable.
It must be a nightmare for all concerned when the parents are not.

The children must come first by both parents.

Lweji · 12/06/2013 07:47

Indeed.
My 8 year old is woken up and I get him the out of reach breakfast stuff.
He has to be reminded of the time, but that is all.

How are you doing 50/50? Alternate days?

Agreeing with Cogito and the sooner you live in separate houses the better for all.

Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 08:10

It's never in front of the children I promise and we are very civil and supportive of each other, probably more so than when we were bloody married.
It'll be six months before he can move out so we are both on our best behaviour but doing him any favours ? No chance lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 08:13

And honestly a 9, 11 and 12 year old could be left at 7.30 and have to get themselves out the door to school ? Mine have been driven door to door up until now. I'd want them in breakfast club at worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 08:13

And what about after school ?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 12/06/2013 08:20

I wouldnt leave them alone, mainly because if the sibling fights that kick off here when I am in the room are anything to go by, the house would be rubble by the time I got home from work!

Lweji · 12/06/2013 08:30

So, the matter was that he left them alone to get ready?
That's a bit different, although the eldest should be quite capable.

Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 08:50

He hasn't done it yet but seems to think that's an acceptable solution to the needing to be in two places at once problem he will create for me by going away for the week for work.
How many single parents can do that realistically ?

OP posts:
starbuckmum4 · 12/06/2013 09:18

So what does he propose regarding 50/50?

If you both work then could you not arrange before and/or after school care (breakfast club you mentioned) and the kids go their whether in your care or his. That way they are looked after, nobody has childcare problems and the kids get continuity.

What is the arrangement up til now? If you both work who does the before and after school care at the moment?

No, I don't think they should all be left alone from 7:30 onwards. Our house is manic most mornings with 3 getting ready for school and even older ones need some reminding about time, football kit etc. Plus if they argue lots it'd make mornings impossible without any supervision.

CinnabarRed · 12/06/2013 09:25

So am I right in thinking that you working is a new thing, triggered by your split?

If you can possibly manage it, you need to sit down with him to work out childcare solutions that work for both of you - which is what you would have had to do if you'd started employment while still in a relationship with him, TBF.

You don't want to find yourself let down by him for childcare on a regular basis. Equally, it may not be possible for him to make the necessary changes to his employment to manage 50/50 care, at least in the short term.

Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 09:30

I've always worked but equally I've always sorted the childcare - and paid for it.
I am happy enough to make and pay for my arrangements but he can fuck off if he thinks I'm covering his too.
As for his employer he should have been honest with them about his life and honest with me about the travel and then he wouldn't be in this predicament

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 09:31

And of course his maintenance is reduced by him doing. 50/50 which lets be honest is why he's doing it but he didnt expect four children to impact on his career and earnings - hilarious !

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/06/2013 09:36

You realise the kids are seeing right through this 'civil and supportive' act you're putting on? I don't know why there is a six month delay on him moving out but I would suggest you shift heaven and earth to bring that forward.... probably not by not being civil and supportive but creating a big old stink.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 12/06/2013 09:45
Grin

Hang on a bit though. Surely for the next two weeks he should be doing 100%??? (as he's just had two weeks 'off').

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 12/06/2013 09:46

Even though I agree with keeping it as civil as possible, and nice for the kids, I also see the point with doing this now- if you don't make this the way it's going to be from the get go, then he will just take advantage and expect to always have you covering him with regards to childcare and costs.

I've always been the one who sorted it with my child, and my ex thinks nothing of letting DD down at a half hours notice, when I'm literally due to start work within the hour, as he's 'feeling a bit tired'. Causes lots of problems, luckily I have a supportive family.

Original poster
Mosman · 12/06/2013 09:55

You see we have no support whatsoever which partly why we are where we are in terms of marriage, nobody ever helps out or jumps in to save us.
I'm still applying for school places back in the UK as I don't believe this plan will last long at all.
Not without me bending over backwards to support him whilst taking it up the arse financially

OP posts: