I want sure whether to post here or parenting.
Mother used to look after dd while I went to work FT. It did not work at all, she found it very difficult and our previously extremely good relationship essentially fell apart. I don't want to go too much into it as it was a very distressing time, but she wished my current baby would miscarry (am currently 30weeks pg), and would say things like no one gave a sh*t about my pregnancy and hoped my organs would burst inside me.
It was at truly awful awful time, I would leave dd and go to work in floods of tears, and pick her up to be met with more abuse.
Have no idea why my previously Very good relationship with my mother became like this, but she said she felt I was too involved with her looking after my daughter (I said I would like it if she tried to take dd out everyday if possible - when they were both well, and not adverse weather) even if it was just for a walk for fresh air for 10-15 mins etc.
She said she would only take dd out once a week maybe and would feed her whatever she wanted (I always cooked meals and give them to her), and would change her clothes etc.
Anyway, she used to get very frustrated with dd at times and would often shout SHUT UP!! At her. I begged her not to speak to my daughter like this 1. Because I don't want my daughter being shouted at to shut up and 2. Because I didn't want her picking up that kind of language at tat age (she ws between 13-16months when she as looking after her).
Dd would then start shouting shut up to anyone including strangers.
Mother would also encourage her to kick our elderly cat, which she found vey amusing. I repeatedly asked her not to do this because I didn't want her learning this kids of behaviour, we want her to be kind to animals and others, and also as we have a newborn arriving soon, we are trying to get dd to be kind to the cat (nice strokes, cuddles etc) to encourage her to treat the baby nicely.
In the end, we put dd in nursery and she loves it. Mother however, still insists on teaching dd to kick the cat and generally be nasty to him.
I don't know what to do, we didn't speak for almost 2 months and have just started speaking again - she refused to apologise for what she said to me about miscarriage etc, but has no reluctantly said sorry as dh said he would cut her out our lives if she continued this abuse.
Everytime she sees dd she tells her to kick the cat, pull his tail etc. what can I do? I have asked her not to, and she does it anyway. Dd had a lovely calm and sweet temperament but is only 18 months and very impressionable.
Does it sound like I am overreacting or being unreasonable in anyway? Should I let my mother talk to her grand daughter as she wants? Is it harmless?
mother has told me that dd is not mine and belongs to the world and I should stop acting like she is "mine" as such.