Spiteful and jealous bitch, or got a point????

[CherryMonster]

my so called best friend has basically unfriended me today, and sent me some really spiteful fb messages. backstory is, her marriage is going under, she is drinking way too much, and is in a foul mood (understandably i will admit). i have found a new man, after nearly 3 years of being totally single (no male contact at all) and although its early days its going well. we met about a month ago, and he met my children a few days ago. we have not slept together yet. she (so called friend) thinks i am rushing things, that i should be concentrating on my dc's instead of looking after my own happiness (what have i been doing for the last almost 3 years, and though a 6 month relationship before that,for the 3 years before then) that i should sort my house out (am packing to move) and that my kids are horrible. she told me that he was a waster only interested in getting in to my knickers, and that i am spreading my legs like marge rather than dealing with the important things. surely my happiness is as important as anything else? my kids love the new man already, especially my teenage son who is normally really reserved and uptight around men if he thinks i am getting involved with them. am hurt, upset and angry, but am i in the wrong?

I think you should drop this friend now. (Although it sounds like she has dropped you).

A friendship should be a positive thing. This sounds toxic. However ask yourself is there a grain of truth in what she says. If not ditch her quick. If so, be honest with yourself and consider her concerns.

Good luck with your new relationship.

no i dont think there is any truth at all to what she said. she is annoyed with me because i no longer go to see her almost every day. i have been there every single time she needed me over the last year and a half, but when i nee support she is the last one there. she was supposed to be my best friend, yet she was the only person i know who didnt so much as wish me happy birthday on my actual birthday, just gave me a card 3 days later. cant be arsed anymore.

I have no idea if she's got a point. But if her treatment of you is a one-off, then perhaps you can cut her some slack as it sounds like she is having a truly shit time and maybe she was a bit pissed and upset/angry when she unfriended you and sent the messages?

Maybe leave it a day or two then send her a simple text saying something along the lines of 'i was very upset by what you said but can we get over this or do you not want to remain friends?'

I dunno. I'm not too good at this sort of thing. Has she done good things for you also over your time as best friends or do you feel it's ALl been one way - ie from you to her?

its not a one off, in fact its the second time in less than a fortnight, although this time is the worst its ever been. its happened about half a dozen times, mostly in the last 2 years. she has done good things for me, but not recently and never anything huge. i dont know, i am sick of all the drama to be honest, i have enough of that in my own life.

Do YOU actually want to remain friends with her? Nothing wrong with having a cull of people in one's life you know. Maybe the friendship has run its course?

I would be grief-struck if I fell out with my best friends (three amazing best friends) and would need to absolutely know what has happened and why and if it was beyond repair, if anything went wrong.

She is both spiteful as well as having a point, in my opinion.

I confess I have little tolerance or understanding of adults who get into facebook spats and who communicate in this way, but I think she's got a valid point that it's not advisable to introduce a new partner to children within weeks of meeting. The rest of the content is vile, though.

i dont know to be honest. currently no, because i am hurt, upset and angry. i just cant deal with all the drama, i have to be so careful what i say and do otherwise it gets broadcast all over fb, and i get slagged off for it. i think i am better off without her, but we have been friends for a long time, and for most of that she was pretty much my only friend. i dont know what i want to do.

the introduction to the children was accidental, he came to pick me up to go out, and the boys happened to still be up. they liked him, and then a few days later we saw him whilst out and the girls met and liked him.

She sounds vile.

But, I think you have really jumped the gun introducing him to your children. Whether they like him is immaterial, if things don't work out between you then it will be unsettling for them.

It doesn't sound accidental, because teenagers would normally still be up at going-out time wouldn't they?

like i said, meeting the children was an accident. my mum and sister and brother have also met him and like him. i just cant win no matter what i do.

it was a school night, he came to collect me at just after 9pm when they would usually have been in bed. they were running a little late.

Delet your FB account. For a couple of weeks. At least.

i use it for my work mostly so i cant do that. i dont post personal stuff on there.

if people can slag you all over FB then delete your account. Work or no work. You need to actually talk to your 'best friend' and maybe arrange to actually talk to each others' faces instead of fbking shit all over the shop?

also, but it could never be an accident that your entire family have met this chap 'and like him' unless you live on Eigg. You would make damn sure none of your children meet him. Or the rest of your nosey family.

has your best friend expressed an opinion - ie has your best friend met him?

One other also.....
you call your 'best friend' effectivvely, a 'bitch' in the title of your thread.

You have dropped her like a stone haven't you, now that Mr nice guy has appeared.

I don't expect for one minute she has met him either - not even 'accidentally on purpose'

in which case i would be hurt and realise that my friendship with you only went skin deep too.

You know the truth of your life and the reality of this 'friendship'.

If he's a good guy, stick with him.

Fuck everyone else, especially the goady bastards on MN.

Exactly. Agree with feegle.

actually, yes she has met him, last week, and told me then that she liked him, now tells me she doesnt. i havent dropped her like a stone, i have seen less of her but thats been for about the last 4 months as she has been busy, i have been busy sorting out a house move, and sorting the house. i have still been seeing her every few days, i saw her today, and i saw her last on friday. believe me, bitch is mild compared to what she called me, and i had only seen her an hour previously when she wanted to borrow tin foil for cooking. she told me she was moving away (about 20 miles), and would be cutting contact with me when she went, and because i didnt beg her to stay, she got annoyed. i told her that i wasnt happy but if she needed to do it for her own mental health then it would be good for her. why is my family nosey exactly? she hasnt slagged me off on facebook this time, but the last few times this happened (all over different things). i havent felt the need to see her daily recently, she no longer seemed to need as much support as i have been giving over the last 18 or so months so i cut down a bit so i could sort my own things out.

She sounds very jealous, but she does have a very good point. Your children shouldn't even have met someone you've been with only a month, let alone 'love' him. You are not putting your children first. However long you've been single you should.

The trouble is, nobody on here can possibly know the value or depth of your friendship. It's sort of a pointless ask. Is she a jealous bitch? i dunno. I hate any woman to call someone they considered their best friend and just gave foil to, a 'bitch' though.

It's unseemly.

You don't like her, she hasn't supported you, you have fallen out a lot it seems and it's been one-way for months.

So yes, drop her.

But the other image you are giving - of a new man you have already tried to bowl your children over with, just smacks of being a bit needy and i would always trust a best friend, in whatever shape and form, over a man i don't know who is happy to be introduced to your entire family so quickly. He should have made his excuses and left.

Does he have children and is he divorced?

ok i understand what you are saying. yes he has children, and is divorced. he sees them very often

"spreading your legs like marge" anyone who said that to me would not be a friend any longer. That's all.

I would still cut a best friend a lot of slack. I would lay my life down for my best friends and if they said this sort of thing I would consider it an aberration if they were going through a huge amount of shit and stress - even if these things were said over a long-ish period of time.

Maybe best friends is way way too lose a term these days.

I could never start a thread called 'spiteful and jealous bitch' about someone I thought was my best friend. It would not make it onto any kind of forum.