Spiteful and jealous bitch, or got a point????

[CherryMonster]

my so called best friend has basically unfriended me today, and sent me some really spiteful fb messages. backstory is, her marriage is going under, she is drinking way too much, and is in a foul mood (understandably i will admit). i have found a new man, after nearly 3 years of being totally single (no male contact at all) and although its early days its going well. we met about a month ago, and he met my children a few days ago. we have not slept together yet. she (so called friend) thinks i am rushing things, that i should be concentrating on my dc's instead of looking after my own happiness (what have i been doing for the last almost 3 years, and though a 6 month relationship before that,for the 3 years before then) that i should sort my house out (am packing to move) and that my kids are horrible. she told me that he was a waster only interested in getting in to my knickers, and that i am spreading my legs like marge rather than dealing with the important things. surely my happiness is as important as anything else? my kids love the new man already, especially my teenage son who is normally really reserved and uptight around men if he thinks i am getting involved with them. am hurt, upset and angry, but am i in the wrong?

I'd cut her some slack for the drinking and disappointment, tbh. She's going through a hideous time and you've suddenly got yourself all loved up. She's totally wrong to have said those horrible things about you. I'd be asking for an apology.

I think she's got a point about the speed you're going with your new boyfriend.

I don't buy the 'accidental' meeting. If you were really determined to put your children first then they wouldn't even know this bloke existed, and he wouldn't be coming anywhere near your house.

You could have text him to say 'the DCs are still up, please can you wait another half an hour', a really decent bloke, especially a father, would have understood.

I wonder if she sent those messages when she was drunk and feeling very sorry for herself?

some people need to always be top dog in a friendship, to be able to feel good about themselves. If she sees herself as the main star of the show with you always in the supporting role, there to listen to her and act as a foil for her whenever she needs it then her ego cannot deal with the fact that you are suddenly happy at a time when it's all going a bit tits up for her. She's being spoilt and selfish.

I personally think it's too soon to say that your kids already 'love' this man, (that might be wishful thinking on your part as it's way too soon to know_ and it would be better to slow that side of things down to be honest, but I think that given you have been on your own for a long time I understand that you are excited, and I think people are giving you an unnecessarily hard time over it, rather than focusing on the issue with your friend. Your children are not babies - they are old enough to understand that you've been on some dates with a very nice man and it may or may not develop into something bigger. It's not like they've woken up and found him in your bed or anything.

Giver her a break people!

I think you should tell her in no uncertain terms that while you are happy to support her though her tough times, you are entitled to put yourself first and you refuse to feel guilty about being happy just because she is not. tell her that you are prepared to forgive what she said and will put it down to her being drunk/depressed whatever, but that if she wants to keep you as a friend she needs to keep her jealous poisonous thoughts to herself in future. If she cannot accept that your life does not revolve entirely around her then there is no longer a place for her in your life.

What fell said with knobs on.

Your friend sounds awful tbh. I wouldn't forgive someone who said things like that to me, calling me names etc. I certainly wouldn't 'lay down my life' for that. No matter what she is having difficulties with she doesn't deserve to hit out at you.

Tbh I would hide her on Facebook or whatever so you don't have to see her rants, and then avoid face to face contact.

That said, a month is too quick really, expect you have got caught up in all the excitement of having met someone and getting on with him. But bloody hell there is a nice way to say that to you. A good friend would know how to discuss this with you without throwing insults and tantrums all over the place

I had a friend like this. I dropped her and haven't looked back. It's hard but it had to be done.

Your friends sound terrble. Fb is appalling in this sort of situation. Your kids do not love this man. You should all be less over the top.

Agree with neo maxi - what a bizzare thing to say.

She has said some dreadful things and it's your choice whether or not to give her another chance but maybe she thought she could 'face' being single with a single friend by her side, and now that's not the case. Suddenly it's gone from being single with your best friend also single, to being the only single one and her best friend newly in love.

Another one who thinks you have jumped in way too fast with introducing to family etc and that, her vile name calling etc aside, your friend may have a point there.

Incidentally, I would be quite concerned about a man who was happy to be introduced to the whole family and the kids after a month....

Onemore surely that is a teenager's way to think.

Saying something about introducing the man too soon yes, but getting arsey because you wanted your friend to stay single because you are newly single sounds a bit Mean Girls mentality.

she sounds like shes having some type of melt down and she simply took it out on you. be the better person and dont hit back. perhaps her life is falling apart and you were the only constant for her and now you too are drifting away with this new man. not suggesting she is in the right, I am just looking at why a 'friend' would behave that way.

regarding your new man, i would take everything slow. it takes years to know someone really well but wish you all the best and hope it all works out.

when your friend comes to her senses and reaches out to you stay cool and simply say to her that what she said and did was unforgiving and that you deserve an apology. also change your settings on facebook so she cannot see what you or your friends post on face book.

Go into account settings > privacy settings > who can see my stuff > click the drop down arrow and change to custom > type the girl's name to add her.

Click limit last posts too.

In same area > click Timeline and tagging settings > switch ON review who tag you. Unfortunately you cant stop someone tagging you but you can stop it going on your page and therefore stop some of your friends seeing it.

Without removing her you can set your facebook so she sees nothing in future activity.

Honestly, some of you live in cloud cuckoo land. there is nothing wrong with him or with her. They haven't even slept together yet. He isn't moving in, and he's only just met them briefly. They have not been told to call him Daddy, and they are not toddlers who will form an immediate attachment. they are capable of understanding that mum is going on a date with someone she quite likes.

It's not ideal, or textbook, but we hardly need to call social services.

^^ What Fellatio said

Also, she isn't behaving like a best friend, and why is it up to you to go and see her daily? She could get off her backside and visit you if she wanted / needed to persumably?

I would chalk it up to experience and move on.

Why be the better person? Christ there are loads of people in life who have terrible times of it, and they don't see the need to lash out at their friend and call them names. Why forgive someone who has been so blatantly horrible unless you're a doormat.

Mind you I have Sicilian levels of grudge carrying.

haha yes me too.

I do normally cut her a lot of slack, and to be honest I dont know if I can deal with the needy, high maintenance stuff right now. She doesnt come to me very often, occasionally during the day for a cuppa but thats maybe twice a month. She has 5 children, which is one more than me, including a baby and seems to think its up to me to go to her. Bearing in mind I have 4 myself, but they are older than hers. I get that she is having a hard time, but she has accused me of neglecting my dc's (I'm not btw) they just need slightly less input as they are older and do more of their own thing. She was happy for me to not be here and doing stuff with them when it was for helping her, but apparently its neglect ( even though I am with my dc's much more now than I was when helping her) for me to not be here occasionally. They still get everything they need including a home cooked dinner every night. It just seems that she is happy to take what i can give whilst giving very little back and being spiteful at the same time.

She's just extremely jealous of you, and can't hide it. It's happened to me with a friend a few years ago. We both had "relationship problems" but she split up with her partner and I didn't. Then I had my second DS and she phased me out completely.

I think female friends get very jealous - and nasty - when good things are happening to you and bad things are happening to them. She's very immature and not a real friend at all.

You're lucky she wants to end the friendship. Never ever go back to her.

I have this with a friend, i met a guy online 3 weeks ago (hes a mumsnetter) and we bonded straight away and we are planning to meet up.

My friends jealous and needy side has come soaring to the surface, shes 29 and single, im 30, mum of 1 and single, she seems to think, im just here to entertain her, she gave me a guilt trip over maybe moving away one day in the future, she also thinks she better looking than me, so thinks, how do i get guys attentions and she doesnt, its pathetic.

I don't think there's a problem with your kids meeting your new man. By the sounds of it you're taking things slowly. It isn't as if he's the latest in a long line of "uncles". I hope he turns out to be a great guy for you.

As for the friend, block her from your FB and your life.

If you are gushing that your son loves him already, and they got to meet him within a month, she has a point.

To be honest Cherry, I think you should consider carefully what she has said, and concede that she may have a point relating to some of the issues, and take head of her advice.

If she knows you that well, you know that there is some truth in there somewhere. But go right ahead and rant a little first!

What the OP does with her man is her problem, not her friend's. And if her friend has something so bad to say about it all, it would be better that she keeps it to herself.

The so called "friend" can see that the OP is happy and full of hope for the future, whereas her own life is a mess, and obviously the friend is not happy and jealous about it.

She's definitely has the "mean girl"'s mentality and is trying to manipulate the situation so the OP ends up alone, like her. You don't have to say such nasty things to someone to make your point.

FB and the world is full of this kind of "friendship" and it's just bullshit, it's not the real thing. I wouldn't put up with anything like that. I'd rather be alone.

yes exactly, my issue isnt with her point, but the nasty and spiteful way in which she made it. bearing in mind an hour before she had been stood in my kitchen laughing with me when she came to borrow some foil.