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Relationships

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Original poster

if your husband sent this text to a colleague, what would you think?

86 replies

birdinatent · 05/06/2013 19:16

The text was to the cook at work (female) and said, "thanks that chilli was almost as tasty as you x "
I think that is at best inappropriate and I asked him if there was something going on between them, he said, no he was just trying to be nice
am I going mad or what?

OP posts:

thestringcheesemassacre · 05/06/2013 19:30

Completely inappropriate and I would think something fishy was going on.

tethersend · 05/06/2013 19:30

I'd be furious.

He knows we're having chilli tonight.

dementedma · 05/06/2013 19:31

I think you shouldn't be reading his texts - how controlling are you? As we don't have any background to the relationship, can't say if its appropriate or not.
I have one client who always calls me "babe" or "honey" and it is perfectly innocent.

Selba · 05/06/2013 19:34

agree with dementedma. I have male friends who put kisses after texts and say flirty stuff. It's entirely innocent. My phone is left lying around all the time , i have nothing to hide or be ashamed of but would be v angry if my dh read my texts

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/06/2013 19:38

I wouldn't like it. I think it crosses a line. Colleagues shouldn't be flirting like that, imo. It's unprofessional. And it would upset me that he was telling some other woman how attractive she was. Why does someone need to tell someone they aren't involved with that they're attractive?

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 05/06/2013 19:41

Sorry, but I am imagining a tubby old lady like my old dinner lady at school! In which case, I would say he's being quite sweet.

But that is because you haven't given much info. You haven't said what he is like. As this is setting off alarm bells for you, perhaps you find him to be an untrustworthy person, maybe he has form for inappropriate behaviour.

Also, couldn't you tell by his reaction to you, whether he was perplexed that you should mind? Or was he defensive...

annh · 05/06/2013 19:42

Why does he have the cook's mobile no?

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 05/06/2013 19:44

Eh? Why would he have cook's number that's just bizarre?

miffybun73 · 05/06/2013 19:44

Depends if she's as me and ScarlettWomanoftheVillage are imagining - in which case sweet.

If she's young and attractive then creepy/flirty, but not necessarily anything more.

anonacfr · 05/06/2013 19:51

I'm sorry but anyone who calls a woman 'tasty' is a creep. In this case it's a completely inappropriate text to send a colleague.

Vivacia · 05/06/2013 19:55

I don't know about "affair", but it's a bit creepy.

ImperialBlether · 05/06/2013 19:55

I agree with anon - bad enough he's sending the text anyway, but "tasty"?? Do you have to put up with him talking like that normally?

giantpurplepeopleeater · 05/06/2013 20:04

I would hate this!

I would think it very inappropriate and would be wondering what else was going on.

Loulybelle · 05/06/2013 20:08

"thanks that chilli was almost as tasty as you x "

Ugh, so cringe inducing and weird.

Snugglepiggy · 05/06/2013 20:12

Inappropriate.And outing myself here because almost three years ago I posted under a different name as was so shocked and distraught to find DH was exchanging many texts a day with a woman he had met out on daily dog walks.And guess what it all started as 'flirty banter' - god how I hate that saying- as if that makes it all allright and had progressed to arranging to meet up for walks,rather than chance encounters and progressed further to sexually explicit exchanges.
That's as far as it got because her OH got suspicious and snooped on her phone and I will always be grateful he did.I never would have looked.I would always have said you should never look at OHs phone, mail etc. but I tell you what if it had gone undetected for any longer and any more boundaries crossed our previously long and happy marriage would have been unsalvageable.As it was it has taken a long time to forgive.And I will never forget.And DH now sees how insidious these texting affairs can be,and how easy it is to from adding a kiss on one text - when he never did to anyone before - to much ,much more.You are not going mad, but you have every right to be angry and hope your DH gets it.

ToTheTeeth · 05/06/2013 20:15

Inappropriate. And to the posters saying lots of people send flirty texts, xs etc - presumably the OP knows her husband and knows if this is in character or not. Antennae rarely twitch without reason.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 05/06/2013 21:10

I would wonder how the FUCK he has her mobile number.
She's the bloody cook from the canteen. How does he have it?

Read him the riot act. Seriously.

dementedma · 05/06/2013 21:55

He may have her mobile number because it is freely available as a contact. In my work there is a list of mobile numbers pinned up at everyone's desk so that various depts can be contacted easily.

EugenesAxe · 05/06/2013 21:58

I'd think it was a shag-in-waiting. I wouldn't be impressed.

Hatpin · 05/06/2013 22:26

He's fishing - at the least for a bit of sexting, possibly worse.

flowerpippin · 05/06/2013 22:32

Oh god, it sounds like the sort of thing my ex-boss would send.

We are great friends but for some reason he thinks he loves me and is always making a tit of himself. It's like being in a real life Benny Hill sketch.

MyGrain · 06/06/2013 08:57

Did you have it out with him in the end?

Vivacia · 06/06/2013 12:49

I've just had a terrible thought. You could swop her number for a phone you have access to, to intercept the texts. And reply as her. How much are cheap phones for texting?

FobblyWoof · 06/06/2013 12:56

Inappropriate, at best.

If this is "just" flirting then still, wtf? Honestly, even if they were both single and sending this it sounds creepy!

Wylye · 06/06/2013 13:00

If he keeps saying its all innocent, tell him to imagine what the cook's DP would think if he read it. I doubt he'd think it was harmless.

Or ask him how he'd feel if one of your colleagues had sent it to you.

Either way, you're right to question him on it, it's not an appropriate thing to send if you're in a relationship.

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