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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had the strangest date

54 replies

Amberz · 02/06/2013 18:28

Met a guy online said he lived abit away from me, I was not keen to meetup
he persued the issue , to just meet for a coffee , I thought why not?.

Tell me if you think this is strange , he is seperated from wife as she had gone all spiritual and gone to live in a Teape, but HE lives in a Bothy, to do his writing of Prose , I ask myself what am I not getting here , he really was keen for me to go and see where he lived as i know the area well. Dont get me wrong I only live in a small place but it has bricks and mortar, did he really think I would find this invitation alluring ???????, please tell me I am right in saying NO .

OP posts:
A1980 · 02/06/2013 18:40

If you didn't.want to go why do you need to be told it was the right.decision.

Mabelface · 02/06/2013 18:43

The alarm bells are ringing so loud that they're pretty much deafening.

Original poster
Amberz · 02/06/2013 18:46

A1980, COS i feel guilty because he was so keen to have a date with me , and I dont like to hurt people or judge them harshly without knowing them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amberz · 02/06/2013 18:47

And he is the first date I have had in a long time .....................so guess I am kind of rusty in this department , doh must need my head seeing to!

OP posts:
UterusUterusGhali · 02/06/2013 18:51

Going to a secluded place with a pushy stranger you just met on the Internet?

What would you say if your daughter was considering doing this?

TotallyBursar · 02/06/2013 18:53

It's a bit on the odd side - but that could be anything from the earnest embracing of, err, his Prose & enthusiasm to in fact having a tent made out of human skin.
In many ways it doesn't matter which, or where he places on the massive spectrum between those two points, if you didn't want to you can say no.
You usually happy to say no to things? Because it seems you got pushed quite far beyond what you wanted (not meeting) before saying no and are now asking if you were right.
To be callous you could have thanked him for the date & left because you didn't like the colour of his left sock - it's up to you.
I wouldn't have gone to begin with, I would very much look Hmm at being pressured like that & I agree with you that I wouldn't have gone back to his place - not because it wasn't a house but because it sounds like his actions make an uncomfortable atmosphere & he has shown little respect for your feelings up to this point.

I would totally have gone though if he was not giving off bad vibes & we gelled. I would make sure I had an escape plan though but that counts everywhere.
But I show a worrying lean toward lentil weavery & would love a poke around a yurt or teepee or whatever Grin

bbqsummer · 02/06/2013 18:54

A1980 can you sort your. full. stops out as. they're bloody.

Annoying and.
in every.post

bbqsummer · 02/06/2013 18:57

Also OP, am not really sure what advice you're looking for. has it got a toilet? Does he smell? Have you read any of his 'writing of prose' Hmm

Original poster
Amberz · 02/06/2013 19:00

Uterus - yes I would be horrified if my daughter had done this , but he had said he had property that he rented out and his Bothy was just a temporary measure.
Totalt Bursar , yep I did feel I was pressuried into going which I must add is really not like me, ah the lre of a smooth talker and and nice face , guess I fell for his charm the fool I am !, appreciate your thought thanks , think I willbe leavng the internet dating well and truly alone from now on, and stick to mygirl friends and knittting!

OP posts:
A1980 · 02/06/2013 19:02

Bbqsummer can you get a grip?
Sweet Christ don't read my posts then.
It's my smart phone. the full stop is right next to the space bar. its easy to hit the wrong one and I'm not spending ages editing every post just so some easily annoyed for no reason.stranger doesn't like it.

Oops I did it again :)

OP you shouldn't go to anyones home on a first date.

Original poster
Amberz · 02/06/2013 19:05

A1980.............No no I was not going to his home ever on the first date we met for coffee, and I go to near where he lives on holiday and am going in the summer , so he just asked if I would like to come and visit , sorry it was not sinister at all , just a bit far moved from everyday life if you see what i mean.

OP posts:
A1980 · 02/06/2013 19:09

It does sound.strange. Good to trust your instincts.

Original poster
Amberz · 02/06/2013 19:14

Thanks A1980 for your kind words yes I always try to listen to my instincts.

OP posts:
bbqsummer · 02/06/2013 23:15

I. have a smart phone.too

bbqsummer · 02/06/2013 23:17

and ffs don't read my thoughts and then post something nasty after them. OK? just don't read em in the first place. sweet christ. get a life. ta.

annh · 02/06/2013 23:20

Hang on, he wasn't suggesting that you go to the bothy on that date then, was he? He was talking about you visiting it in summer when you are on holiday in that area? In that case, it sounds a little less strange. He was just being nice, trying to let you know that he was hoping to see you again by mentioning doing stuff together in the summer at some point. You don't seem to have hit it off but there's nothing particularly strange-sounding about a writer (of sufficient means to have rental properties) who also goes to his bothy to write.

thenightsky · 02/06/2013 23:22

What is a Bothy? Your first post suggested it was a place (I'm thinking perhaps a suburb of Liverpool), but reading on, it sounds like a style of house.

ImperialBlether · 02/06/2013 23:27

Grin @ suburb of Liverpool. I'm in a suburb of Liverpool right now and think the only time I've seen a Bothy referred to is in a Val McDermid when a Richard Madeley-a-like murdered someone.

bbqsummer · 02/06/2013 23:29

then ightsky does NOBODY google anything? I am astounded that so few people actually lolok up images and do an incy wincy amount of internet search before asking a dumb question. ]hmm]

What is a bothy? just type Bothy into google search - or Bothy House or anything remotely intelligent. Under images you can see a piccy-wiccy of one. Hmm

Mumsyblouse · 02/06/2013 23:31

If you want someone with a conventional job and conventional house, he's clearly not for you, but I don't think its intrinsically weird.

Mumsyblouse · 02/06/2013 23:32

And, I do think bothys have bricks and mortar, they are just very basic. His could be quite flashy. I think you may be missing a trick here.

Catsandtheirpizza · 02/06/2013 23:46

Sorry you had a miserable time OP. (But. the rest .of. the thread is quite funny..)

bbqsummer · 02/06/2013 23:47

I live in a bothy

bbqsummer · 02/06/2013 23:56

I also wear glasses. Which is. why I can distinguish between. the space. Bar and the full. Stop. Hope you are.

OK op?

AmberLeaf · 03/06/2013 00:00

OP You were silly to go on a date you didn't want to go on, just because this man wanted to!

Slippery slope that.

bbqsummer. chill.