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Original poster

Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

999 replies

lubeytoobooby · 31/05/2013 13:19

Woop! Lubes is BACK :o

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

OP posts:
mercury7 · 02/06/2013 19:11

thats pretty high on the Jezebel scale Ike, but still a fairly sensible way of doing things, I mean said mate had a chance to observe him in the pub, then go away & think about it, see what her gut feeling was.
Not as nerve wracking as making an on the spot 'do I want to shag him' decision?

Hello Stop :)
you'd think, wouldnt you, that folk'd realise that slagging off the ex just makes you look bad Confused

OhWesternWind · 02/06/2013 19:27

Was this one of the new men Ike? Fast work!

Stop there are a lot of men like that around, women too probably. Too much of any type of conversation, flattering or otherwise, about an ex is a bit of a bad sign.

ike1 · 02/06/2013 19:33

I see your rationale Merc and yes OWW one of the few men under 80 that come into the pub....you gotta work fast around here. Discussing taking out the bins on POF with my menfolk

Bant · 02/06/2013 19:35

Stop - I've heard it's quite common - and a red flag. It kind of shows an inability to accept any responsibility and to externalise blame.

And they'd end up doing the same thing with you in the future- blame you for all their problems and leave and slag you off.

Maybe you can get better at screening them out if you know signs to watch for in early conversations, but I couldn't say what those signs are. Some people (women too) seem very friendly, chatty, upbeat and happy until the subject of their ex comes up, at which point they can become very bitter - that's when I change the subject and decide they have too many issues, generally.

JulietteMontague · 02/06/2013 19:36

How about you're staying at your boyfriends flat whilst he's working abroad and waking up in the night to get water, you find a gorgeous random man on the living room sofa (friend of a flatmate I think).

In mitigation, the boyfriend had previously said that he wouldn't mind if I slept with anyone as long as he was out of the country so I took him at his word.

Bant · 02/06/2013 19:39

And Juliette earns her level 5.

Mine was meeting a housemates friend when they got in from the pub, and being in bed with her an hour later. And same thing with a different friend (same housemate) the following weekend.

Never just stumbled across a random person on the sofa though..

JulietteMontague · 02/06/2013 19:44

Stop yes there are men who don't demonise their exes. The men on this thread for example. There is a huge difference between mentioning the facts of what happened and laying all the blame at the exes door. Even worse imo are the men who constantly complain about the money 'she's' cost him, how he still 'keeps her', she has the car blah blah. I actually avoid recently separated men, I found the issues could be too close to the surface.

ike1 · 02/06/2013 19:46

Oh yeah, here we go again its the original H club members and their memories...............

Kirstywirsty · 02/06/2013 19:56

Still no word ...

OhWesternWind · 02/06/2013 20:06

I think not texting is still the best plan though Kirsty especially if you've been making most of the running recently. Do you have definite plans for Tuesday?

Really hoping he's in touch with you soon. The waiting is awful, isn't it? Put your phone in a different room and watch crap tv or something for a couple of hours so you don't keep checking.

KinNora · 02/06/2013 20:09

Bloody hell I'm the Mother Theresa of the thread.

Kirsty any chance he could be up a mountain without any reception ?

MsWazowski · 02/06/2013 20:17

Hi everyone, I've lurked on here on and off since the start, posted a few times, but not for ages.

I met someone for an initial quick drink today, he's left it up to me to text him if I want to see him again. It was pleasant enough, but I'm not sure if we had much in common really. I'm not sure if I'm just really fussy and should give it another go or whether to leave it.

I should say that I've been single for a very long time and don't think that anyone will ever meet my standards, I'm also a bit shy and worry about offending people, so if I say we could meet again, he might think I'm more interested than I think I am, then it will just be a cycle of the same. But if I don't then, I don't know, he was the only half decent seeming one on the site at the time.

On the other hand he might not be bothered either, it was hard to tell.

I know I'm over thinking this, but some other people's thoughts would help. TIA Smile

JulietteMontague · 02/06/2013 20:24

Bant it would have been rude not to Grin

KinNora · 02/06/2013 20:34

MsW did you enjoy anything about meeting him or were you willing the minutes away until you could leave ? If the former then I'd see him again. I think it's worth seeing OD as a chance to get learn about what really appeals to you and what you actually want, after years of putting with with stuff.

Pomegranatenoir · 02/06/2013 20:41

Kirsty how you feeling? That seems bit odd. I would hold out but I know it tough

Kirstywirsty · 02/06/2013 20:44

nora he wasn't going that far afield till today .. We will see I am not texting him

MsWazowski · 02/06/2013 20:58

Thanks Kin, it was ok really, so maybe I should give it another go. I'm really rubbish at this!

JulietteMontague · 02/06/2013 21:15

up a mountain without any reception sounds like a euphemism to me Wink

MsW what do you want to do? Don't worry about what he might think, do you want to see him again. When you say not much in common what do you mean, is it the stuff that is really important to you?

zaz123456 · 02/06/2013 21:26

Hi,

I recently started dating a guy, met him on an internet site. We dated for around 8 weeks, the chemistry was unbelievable and we had amazing sex. It was a strange setup, he is divorced but liked to keep private about his personal affairs, which I respected. Over time I developed feelings for him, I didnt tell him I felt this way. We never chatted on the phone it was all texting, all seemd to be going well. Then one night Id had too much to drink and told him i wasnt willing to put my time and emotions into something that had no longevity or future. The next morning we kind of avoided the conversation.

Later that evening when I got home, we texted one another and i mentioned to him that i had lost all inhibitions and told him what i had felt the previous evening, he then text back saying that i am looking for love and he is looking to be friends, we ended it. I really liked him and i do think he liked me, I deleted his number but he contacted me a few days later. I was still hurt and angry and my text messages were not v nice, we were due to spend weekend together, he had booked and paid for it all.

He has now gone to thailand and the phillipines for a month, i have text him several times but he has not replied, what shall i do?

I thought Id feel different after two weeks but its worse, I miss him and Ive told him this but he has not replied. Any advise, would be appreciated.

SweetSeraphim · 02/06/2013 21:54

My personal opinion would be that he is married zaz123456

MsWazowski · 02/06/2013 21:56

Juliette, I'm not really worried about what he might think, I don't really know what I'm worrying about. We've got different tastes in music and I'm sure he's got quite different political views from me (although we only slightly touched on the subject) and I've got quite strong opinions, so might be a sticking point.

Honestly, I annoy myself Grin

Bant · 02/06/2013 22:02

zaz - I'm sorry, I don't think there's any positive to come out of this.

Either, as Seraphim says, he's married - which is a strong possibility given the lack of background and phone calls.
Or - he's looking for FWB only and he's been scared off but is too much of a shit to talk about it with you properly.

Either way, after two weeks he should have picked up the phone and got in touch with you if he felt anything like what you feel. But it looks like he doesn't. Sorry.

Leave it, get on with other stuff, maybe send one final text to apologise for the nasty messages, and see if he gets in touch when he's back from 'thailand' (which sounds fishy anyway). Then see if he gets in touch. But you need to talk to him properly, not just when the chemistry is buzzing. Chemistry fades, if he's not going to talk to you about other stuff, there's no future anyway, is there?

ike1 · 02/06/2013 22:13

I have seem to have procured a date with a widower ....

mercury7 · 02/06/2013 22:53

zazhad he mentioned before that he had a months holiday in thailand booked, or might he have invented it to give himself a bit of breathing space?

As Bant says it does sound as if he is only looking for something casual, i think I'd be inclined to try and put it behind me if he's not replied to several texts

JulietteMontague · 02/06/2013 23:00

Zaz sweeping statement here but some men who go to 'Thailand' for extended periods of time have local OW or a 'wife' there. No excuse for him not texting back at all, if he can treat you like this now then it wouldn't bode well for the future anyway. Sorry.

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