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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How did you meet your partner/husband?

25 replies

talie101 · 28/05/2013 16:04

Been on my own for quite some time. No real relationships since divorced. Happy being single but I really would like a relationship now. Problem is, how do you meet someone? I've tried internet dating over the years but nothing has ever come of that and I'm really fed up with the timewasters and games that are played on there. I know it works for some but it hasn't for me and I'm keen to try other means.

I really don't know how I can meet anyone though. I have an xh who is unreliable at picking dc's up so can not plan anything beforehand and if have planned, usually have to cancel dependant on whether he turns up or not! He has total control over my supposed 'free' weekends. My family are toxic and will only help out on their terms, and very rarely. Budget rules out paying a babysitter, and friends will only help out in emergencies for various reasons.

Am I doomed to be single until the dc's leave home and my time is then my own? I will be in my 50's then - will anyone want me then? Men this age tend to want women half their age don't they! What's that all about??!!

Please tell me there is hope! Anyone out there been in a similar situation and now live 'happily ever after' ?

OP posts:

bestsonever · 28/05/2013 16:14

Hi, I empathize, I too have tried the internet dating over the years but nothing worthwhile and the older you get, the younger men of a similar age want them. Going to try spice.uk out next as at least I can have fun and meet new people without any added pressure of a date. Have a look, it could work for you too, but it won't solve your babysitting arrangements, or lack of. Until you can find a way to get reliable support it will seem impossible. I have family that help, but that's only part of the issue.

SueDnym · 28/05/2013 17:36

Guardian Soulmates. Kissed a lot of frogs (and a couple of psychopaths) first though.

biffnbuster · 28/05/2013 17:39

A blind date arranged by a friend of a friend. Next week will be our 19th anniversary.

TheOrchardKeeper · 28/05/2013 17:45

I didn't know DP very well originally. He was a friend of a friend that I liked the look of etc.

Had a few drinks too many and decided it would be a good idea to add him on fb, seeing as I barely ever got the chance to go out due to being a single mum.

Woke up the next day, expecting a 'sorry but who the fuck are you...' email but had a much nicer reply than that! We got chatting...

The rest is history

Part luck and part just deciding to make a move!

Offred · 28/05/2013 18:03

I normally meet people through shared interests or friends. DH was a friend of friends who had moved away from my (his home) town for work. We met at a mutual friend's wedding. I normally pick out someone and, in the days before Facebook and children, gathered intelligence and tried to hang out where they were so I get to know more about them. You can stalk them on Facebook a bit though if you can't get out of the house easily

TheOrchardKeeper · 28/05/2013 18:10

If it weren't for Facebook id likely still be single!

NotYoMomma · 28/05/2013 18:13

In the kitchen of McDonald's when he was 16 and I was 17 lol.

Cosmosim · 28/05/2013 18:14

Internet dating.

flipchart · 28/05/2013 18:17

I was seeing some one else when I met my now DH.
Very long story!

gettingeasiernow · 28/05/2013 19:43

Had worked in same company as him years previously, no flirting, quite liked each other from afar, but not close. I got pregnant with then partner just as dh was getting divorced. I left company. Years later we bumped into each other, me 49 him 53, we now say it was clear from first date that we would be together forever but there was a lovely long period of romantic dates and carefully getting to know each other before making it official.
Funnily enough a close friend of mine, same age, also married someone recently whom she had known as a friend earlier, at university in her case, reconnected in their fifties.
Never too late, love is love whenever it comes around.

Mintyy · 28/05/2013 19:45

He was my best friend's boyfriend .

TheRealFellatio · 28/05/2013 19:46

at work. An office.

Original poster

talie101 · 28/05/2013 19:53

Thanks for the replies.

I work in an all female environment, so no hope there. Have asked friends if they know any 'single' men, but alas they are all married! Not been lucky enough to just bump into anyone in a supermarket/park etc and get chatting. I guess I need to try make new friends and hope they know some single men, or just get more hobbies where men hang out? (but same problems listed before apply).

Maybe I'm destined to be single for the rest of my days? How depressing!

OP posts:

colafrosties · 28/05/2013 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HauntedNow · 28/05/2013 19:59

talle - I know what you mean. I've been single (with the odd date but nothing lasting), for 7 years and wonder if I'll ever find another relationship. I am happy being single but would really like someone special but how to find them is the question. I've tried and given up on internet dating. I've even asked friends to set me up on blind dates but they seem to think that I'm joking. Shamelessly joining thread to get any ideas. Good luck to you!

colafrosties · 28/05/2013 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sjuperyoni · 28/05/2013 20:26

Dp is my sisters dps brother

We spent a few years messing around and finally settled down for good when i fell pregnant with ds 2 and a half years ago.

I'd flirt with men at random if i were you - nothing wrong with a lasting look or a coy smile i have to stop myself doing it. To women for some reason it might not get you a date but a smile back etc is a nice confidence boost :) always helpful whether single or not i find!

cluecu · 28/05/2013 20:53

Mutual friend got me to come along to pub knowing he'd be there and in the hope we'd get on. We got on so well we spent the night together

Couple of good dates and he told me he felt he should try again with his ex and I did the same with mine

Few months later he'd broken up with ex but I hadn't and politely declined a meet up.

A year on I was ready, he was still asking and we're now engaged

Looks crap on paper but it amazes us both how it's worked out. I'm not a believer in fate but I do get a warm feeling thinking back to how it started and where it's brought us

Mum2Fergus · 28/05/2013 21:16

Match.com

Kione · 28/05/2013 21:39

i've met 3 of ny 4 serious boyfriends including DP on nights out two started as drunken sex/snogs the other one a little bit slower. But if I am single and drunk I am a massive flirt.
Can you go out with friends and let down inhibitions...?

Tapirbackrider · 28/05/2013 21:44

We met at a police station after I was mugged.

WestieMamma · 28/05/2013 21:59

At a ballroom and latin american dance class for beginners.

pegster · 28/05/2013 22:03

Speed-dating! Know its a cliche but I genuinely had gone along as a laugh to support a friend who had been single for a long while.
Together nearly 7 years, married for 3

UniqueAndAmazing · 28/05/2013 22:13

I met dh at church. he's the organist, I'm in the choir

so I would say at a hobby.
but it sounds like you don't have time for that.

imet ex through mutual friends.

IWroteToTheZoo · 28/05/2013 22:13

At an event related to a shared interest. It was a regular event, so we'd both been there several times before he actually approached me. I think that can be really helpful, finding something that's on regularly. It would also help with your babysitting problems, as even if you miss some, you'll make it to some others.

Flip