Have you ever left a GREAT guy? Your stories appreciated please?!

[daisychains123]

Hello Everyone,

Please can you share your experiences with me if you have decided to leave a great guy?!
What reasons did you have? How long did it take you before you finally broke it off? Was it the right decision in the end?!

I have been with my partner for over 10 years. I have constantly questioned our relationship, I think the main reason I do this is because I met him too young.
I have wanted to TTC for a couple of years now, but I don?t because I can?t be sure that he is ?The one?.
Sometimes I get very close to leaving. Although reading on here or hearing about other people?s relationships elsewhere, makes me feel that I should be grateful for having a great guy, because on this site there are tonnes of stories about people with lazy, selfish, abusive, unfaithful men etc

My partner is not perfect and I am not looking for perfection. I just want to be happy. I do have stages of not questioning things & just enjoying the now, but I am back to feeling the need to decide.

Please share your stories with me if you have chosen to end a good healthy relationship?

Thank you x

Yes! I did! And he's still great - 7 years on we're still the best of friends.

Please don't settle. You should be looking for butterflies. Not cosiness!

The very fact you're even thinking about it, says to me he's not the one.

A lot of people told me I was crazy. However, met my man now and he's great friends with ex too. Indeed, ex is coming to our wedding later on in the year. He's like family to me. (I was also with him for 10 years or so and engaged)

Because you met him so young id it possible you have grass is greener syndrome?

Thinking there are better things elsewhere but there May not be.

yes. I met a 'great guy' when I was 19. Was with him for a few years, but he wasn't right for me/I was too immature/I couldn't cope with and wasn't ready for settling down and I left the relationship. It was the right choice for me but I broke his heart. He's still a great guy as far as I know (fb friends but he live across the globe and haven't seen him for decades)
He was far closer to 'perfect bloke' material than my DH is, but my DH is the one I should be with. (and I didn't meet him till my late twenties - when I'd 'grown up' a bit)

If you are feeling like that you should leave.
You don't have to justify it. Just that you don't want it to go on because you are not happy.

Yes, was engaged to and owned a house with a great guy- perfect gentleman, funny, bright, good job etc but I knew in my heart he wasn't the right man for me and he never gave me goosebumps or any of that. I left him to live on my own and everyone thought I was mad, would regret it etc- including him. I never did and years later am married to a lovely man who I knew was the one for me very quickly. My ex is engaged to a girl he seems much more suited too. It all worked out well. Just like I think you know if someone's the one, you also know if they aren't in my opinion.

That sounds like me for the first 8 years of my relationship with my partner. I knew in my heart of hearts that he was not the one, but it was safe and easy. After 8 years we had children. I am currently a weepy 35 year old with three children, who are the joy of my life, but I feel trapped in the relationship now, and know that I should have had the courage to start again when I we had no ties and it would have been simple. If you know he's not the one, it's fairer to him too, and any future children, to end it now...

What's missing?

If your relationship is otherwise perfectly healthy and he's a great guy, then it must be sex that's the issue I'm guessing. (People who have other issues, tend not to have otherwise great relationships.)

In which case, was sex great when you got together or has it never really been there?

I think what you feel is lacking is crucial in working out if this is just a sad case of a relationship having run its course (in which case you should leave) or simply you having issues with settling down (for which leaving may also be the ideal solution, but if you want a settled relationship you're probably end up repeating the pattern unless you get to the bottom of it).

Thank you for your replies.

Hearing some of your views does make me think that yeah deep down I know that I do want to leave, but it does break my heart because I love him so much.
I can?t imagine not being with him, & I struggle to remind myself why it is I want to leave him.

Sex is not an issue with us.
When I was younger I wanted to date other guys as I thought that it sounded fun, and I felt like I was missing out; as he has been my only boyfriend.
Now that I am older all I want is a serious and happy relationship & to start a family.

One of the reasons I question things is because I find that I often get bored in his company. Sometimes he isn?t talkative or silly enough for me.

I wish I didn?t feel like this. I do think leaving him will be a gamble!
He has known how I feel for over a year now, & during the past year I have tried to end it, but he fights for me too much & wants us to stay together forever.
I am starting to think about this way too much, viewing all the different angles, pros & cons. I keep changing my mind & I am annoying myself so much!!!

You love him, can't imagine being without him and have to remind yourself why you want to leave.

Your reasons include that "sometimes" he isn't talkative or silly enough for you. He isn't a performing seal to provide you with entertainment you know. A partner does not always make you happy, it comes from within.

Am I missing something?

If you want to know what it's like dating other guys look at the dating thread: fresh hell.

Littlemissgiggles79 ? yes I do think you are missing something. I am struggling being content when he is all I have ever know seen as I met him as a teenager.
There is obviously some connection that I feel is missing but I don?t know if its purely fantasy or real. I haven?t had enough relationship experience to really work out what it is that I want!
People always say that sense of humour is important, so by me saying he isn?t silly enough just means that he doesn?t always match my sense of humour and sometimes I feel we don?t laugh enough.

I have tied to explain how I feel in short, without making everyone read an essay. I mainly wanted to hear about other people?s experiences of letting a great guy go because I cant seem to ??????.

Do you have friends and hobbies and a good, fulfilling life outside the relationship? If you do and you're still bored with your DP, then the kindest thing for both of you is to leave I think. If you don't, however, then it may be the case that you expect your DP to fulfil all your needs and that's asking too much from any one person.

I think it's normal to wonder about whether you settled too soon if you get together with someone young, and when things don't seem 'wrong' as such it's easy to be held in a trap of indecision. Just be wary that your inertia doesn't become a way of life in itself, preventing you from leaving but robbing you of any joy you might have had if you'd decided to commit to staying.

Maybe there isn't a right and wrong decision but you just need to make one. There are many different lives open to us all, several of which can be happy ones.

Yes, I've left a few nice men and I don't regret it. Just because they were kind and loving doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Some people need stability, others need variety. It doesn't mean anyone is at fault. As for the idea that there is a one and only waiting for you somewhere... it's a gamble, not a guarantee. I know a few people that have met their one and only but it wasn't reciprocated. I know a very few people where it was - lucky them! One thing though - if you stay with him just because he'll be a good dad (and I bet he will) you will feel increasingly trapped, guilty and miserable over the years.

A relationship can't meet 100% of your needs. it never ever will.

Humour: my current bf does not share all of the things that make me laugh. My sense.of humour can be vulgar and a bit crass. His isn't. I know not to say certain things ro him as he won't find it funny and I watch my language. Several of my friends share my sense.of humour so I get my laughs with them.

My bf plays golf & I wouldn't in a million years. He has golf friends etc.

You get the picture?

I would love to have the intimacy.of someone who.has been wither.so.long and.loves me so.much that they don't want to br without me and start a.family with.me. Wr always.want what we.don't have.

Just be careful that him.knowing.how you feel, that he doesn't dump you first. As much ad.I.loved anyone I would.begin to.resent.being on a knife.edge at the future of.a.relationship and I might walk.away.myself.

You want him or.you.don't.

Have you discussed your future plans together? Maybe you're uncertain about the future with him?

I'm just saying this because in hindsight (a wonderful thing!) I think it's vital to discuss what you BOTH want for the future. Are you both aiming for the same thing? Im not saying the future must be like that but it's important to have a shared vision of your future life together .

Gah wrote a long reply and it didn't post!

I very nearly did. In fact, I even left him temporarily, not knowing if it would be permanent. I'd had major doubts, very similar to what you're describing, for over a year, not helped by developing a huge crush on someone else (which was made more difficult by it being reciprocated).

In short, I was extremely lucky and DH took me back. Other guy turned out to be a twunt - which should be neither here nor there really, but did help. It has taken a long time but I love DH more than ever and I know I'm with the right man for me. No, he's not perfect, but I'm damn glad I stuck with it and that he gave me the chance too.

Only you can decide, but I thought I'd offer a different perspective.

Oh and I changed job and am much happier in myself. That really did help too because I'm not totally dependent on him for my happiness any more - he enhances it.

I've left loads of great guys. Just because they are a great guy doesn't mean they're right for you....

OP, if he's not right for you, then you need to part. I can't see why people are trying to make you feel as though you should stay. Of course nobody is perfect, but if you are bored, that is a massive red flag that you'll be unhappy in the future.

Take a gamble and leave. I think he'll be snapped up very quickly, so don't worry about him too much. Men don't seem to wait too long before they meet someone else.

I did! My ExH was literally one of the nicest men I've ever known, but there was just something missing.
As the PP said just because he's a great guy doesn't mean he's the right one.
I think the best advice I can give is to ask yourself whether you'd be happy to end up alone for the rest of your life if you did leave him, or whether you'd rather stick with him even though he's not quite right. For me it was definitely the former and I haven't looked back.

Agreed, my exDH is an amazing guy, kind, thoughtful, caring, hardworking and good looking.
We met at 13 and started dating at 15, married at 22 and divorced at 36. I just knew it wasn't right, and so did he, no kids, so no long term damage, we're still good friends.
I am now married to a guy I couldn't live without.

My ex is a great guy, and we're still good friends. We just weren't in love (and I don't mean the "crazy, head-over-heels in love thing" - I've never been like that). What should have just been a roll in the hay to make us feel better became a relationship.

There was nothing wrong, we were nice to each other, sex was good, etc. I left because I felt I was feeling buried alive. It was horrible, because I cared very deeply about him and didn't want to hurt him.

Now I have a partner who is wonderful and I'm deeply in love with him after 4 years (again, not "crazy in love"). And I'm glad my life took the turns it did because it led me to him.

Don't settle. You only have one life. (And those saying that you may not find anyone else - please. The world is full of men. Surely one of them will do?)

There are plenty of fish in the sea but why are so many people alone or in unhappy relationships.

It is quite rare to find a decent guy.

OP dump him, he deserves someone who thinks the world.of.him.

Hmm, I left my first dh aged 25 because we were sat in front of tv and I felt my life was over. I left my second live in long term relationship, because he and his family did not support my career. And he didn't want to get married. He was the loveliest of lovely people but something always was missing. Dh can be a right pain in the arse, but we have a shared outlook on the future, and god do we laugh sometimes. He is not as nominally lovely as no. 2 but we share something special.

You seem to be saying that a main part of the problem is that you met him young and he is all you've ever known. I think you needt o experience some freedom and, yes, some other men.otherwise you'll always feel with him 'what if...'
Sounds like you resent being with him somewhat. I'm very glad I did not end up with my first serious boyfriend. After ten years with him I had a great ten months of playing the field, sleeping around, feeling confident, etc.then met the man I am now married to with a ds. I think a bit of man 'sampling' is good before you settle down.takes the mystery out of what it's like to be with other guys.

I left mine (and actually he wasn't a great guy, bit of a knobhead actually) but then I realised he's my knobhead and although I find him quite boring/frustrating/just fucking useless at times, he's def the one for me! I've stopped looking to him to fulfill my every need too, no man can do that.