Have you ever left a GREAT guy? Your stories appreciated please?!

[daisychains123]

Hello Everyone,

Please can you share your experiences with me if you have decided to leave a great guy?!
What reasons did you have? How long did it take you before you finally broke it off? Was it the right decision in the end?!

I have been with my partner for over 10 years. I have constantly questioned our relationship, I think the main reason I do this is because I met him too young.
I have wanted to TTC for a couple of years now, but I don?t because I can?t be sure that he is ?The one?.
Sometimes I get very close to leaving. Although reading on here or hearing about other people?s relationships elsewhere, makes me feel that I should be grateful for having a great guy, because on this site there are tonnes of stories about people with lazy, selfish, abusive, unfaithful men etc

My partner is not perfect and I am not looking for perfection. I just want to be happy. I do have stages of not questioning things & just enjoying the now, but I am back to feeling the need to decide.

Please share your stories with me if you have chosen to end a good healthy relationship?

Thank you x

Yes. My first husband.
I regret it sometimes

I really wouldn't recommend staying with someone just because they are nice - seems a very timid way to live your life...get out there! Have adventures! Meet a guy who makes you feel something again...

Just leave OP.

He's known for over a year and he will probably come tp resent you for leaving him in limbo.

Sometimes he isn?t talkative or silly enough for me.

I don't think this is to be as lightly disregarded as another poster suggests. This is about your rapport and whether you click in conversation together, and that's important. You need it to get you through tough times. Life's hard enough without having a partner on a slightly different wavelength.

I think being bored with someone is kind of the worst. You can work on a lot of other issues but you can't make someone more interesting.

I left a good man in my late 20s, we lived together for 4 years and were basically engaged (as in he wanted to get married but didn't ask because he knew I wasn't ready).

He was a great guy but quite often it felt a bit like something was missing. The last year or two, things really fell apart as everyone we knew started getting married, moving to the suburbs, and my partner seemed happy to settle into this kind of very boring (for me) lifestyle.

It ended when one night we went out with friends, I was listening to the most boring conversation and I actually had to go to the loo and burst into tears because I couldn't imagine pretending to be interested in this kind of thing for the rest of my life.

It was a difficult breakup but we stayed friends. He ended up marrying a lovely woman. I ended up having a lot of adventures, moving abroad, and eventually marrying my DH, who makes me laugh all day and is never boring. I really thank god I left the 'perfect guy'.

It's worth examining your broader life and seeing if it's something else making you unhappy. But if you have that deep down feeling -- well, I think you just know when something isn't right for you. Listen to your instincts, not what other people or society tell you is right.

I was on the other side of this OP. After 2 years together my ex told me he loved me but was having major doubts, but wasn't ready to let me go. Instead of walking away with my dignity intact I turned myself inside out trying to make him be in love with me again for about a year. It completely destroyed my confidence, was awful, and I know it was horrible for him too seeing how much he was hurting me but feeling paralysed in terms of making a decision.

We were each other's first serious relationship and he's since told me he just couldn't walk away because he was scared of making the wrong decision. We are both now very happy with other people and I wish we'd split up immediately after that doubts conversation.

Please don't do this to your boyfriend. He already knows you aren't sure about him and that will be eating away at his self esteem and at his love for you. It is very scary and hard to walk away from any relationship and your first serious one is the hardest. But don't stay because you are scared.

I also agree with PP who say laughing and being silly together is important. You shouldn't feel bored.

The guy should have dumped her by now. He has been on a knife edge for over a year. That kind of doubt is destructive to someone.

I would say that my first bf and I had no problem laughing and being silly together. He was also an abusive Twat who hit me eventually.

Sometimes you just cannot find everything you want.

It's not so much that laughing and being silly is vital - to some people it may not be important at all. The point is that there is a mismatch.

I think "not being an abusive twunt" should be seen as a baseline, really, rather than something to be balanced against other qualities.

Thank you to everyone for your responses. It is nice reading through everyone?s views and life experiences.

My partner has always felt like Mr Right Now, not quite Mr Right.
I have always thought that if we do split up then the 10 years we have shared together would not have been a waste, because we have enjoyed life together.

I know that he doesn?t feel in limbo, or insecure. I don?t always go on about it.
He was also young when he met me, but he honestly says that he has never had any doubts which breaks my heart because I wish that I didn?t!

I hope to work this out very soon. It?s also difficult finding the right time when you share your life together.

You don't know that he doesn't feel insecure. Perhaps he's too scared to rock the boat.

I hope you work it out daisy. Have you done the whole "where do I want to be in one year/five years/ten years?" exercise to yourself? Sometimes that brings clarity about how or if a major decision should be made. I totally agree the ten years you've had wouldn't be a waste, I think that's a very healthy attitude. If you've enjoyed it, give or take, then it hasn't been a waste.

Hi daisy - I am debating leaving my very lovely and kind DH for several reasons and just wanted to let you know before we married and had DC I had these nagging feelings that he was a bit boring and we didn't really talk. I married him for all the reasons I thought were sensible - he was kind, caring, loved me, wanted the same things in life (family, country life) but fast forward several years and I am bored and lonely in my marriage. Joking and being silly together (if that is what you like) is hugely important and creates bonding for you both. I'm reading a great book recommended to me on a thread I started "I love you but I'm not in love with you" by Andrew Marshall. Have a read of it maybe.

I'd say if you have that nagging feeling in your gut it won't go away....

Good luck

I did. He was lovely, we were together for a good few years after leaving school. I was incredibly bored for a long time but didn't want to hurt his feelings. He bought a house and all of a sudden I could see myself being trapped. When I finished it, good friends told me that I'd never find a better man! My dad was truly gutted as he had great prospects apparantly!!! I've since married dh who is incredible and still floats my boat after 12 years together, 8 married and with two gorgeous children. I always knew I'd end up with someone else - someone taller! Don't stay - you'll only end up resenting him and possibly treating him badly.

I've just rejected one

Feels awful and may be a mistake but i'm looking for something more than just nice.

I have been lurking on here for months but this post struck a chord with me, so i'm taking the plunge...

I could have written your post a few years ago and I know how difficult a decision it is. I was 6 months away from getting married and had a nagging feeling a lot of the time, but because there was nothing "wrong" I tried to push it to the back of my mind.

The crux came when I realised that I didn't want to be watching my friends (who over the years have made brave choices) enjoying married life to the full over the coming years whilst I was "lukewarm". I also got to a point whereby I knew the fact I was having doubts was enough to walk away, I didn't need a reason. They would always have been there, my gut knew.

I have now been (mainly) single for two years and I cannot believe how unhappy I was, but I can only see it now. There was no cheating, arguing etc but the effect the relationship was having on my general happiness was huge and I don't think this can be underestimated.

OP - Only you know what's best for you (I was sick of hearing that at the time too!) but if you dig deep and listen to your inner self, it'll tell you what to do. Trust yourself to make the correct decision.

OP agree with Raspberry...only you will know...good luck and i hope things work out in the way you want them to.

triumph if he wanted you to convert, there's a massive problem....i think you'll see in years to come that it may have been a blessing in disguise

Yes, my first love was one of the nicest men that I have ever met and I think that if your first love is a nice guy that is incredibly hard to walk away from. The feelings associated with a first love are very intense.

In many ways we were perfect together and we were that golden couple at university that everyone thought would marry and have lots of golden children.

However sexually we were not compatible and we also had very different social backgrounds, there was something about me that he would not get, no matter how much we loved one another - and we did.

I cheated on him and I knew he deserved better. I broke his heart and I later regretted it for some time.

However the moment I met my husband we had a magnetism and I literally ached for him - as a grown woman.

There are always more fish in the sea, don't stay because someone is nice, both of you deserve better

Yes. After 6 months I knew I was at a crossroads. And cried buckets. And hope he is happy. And sometimes look at DH and think they'd get on like a house on fire. Which either means I threw away happiness and spent 4 years looking for it again OR just meant he was Mr Right not MY Mr Right so it was simply the wrong time.

Leave this man. Maybe it's because as women we are taught to be grateful and fearful of "old spinster" syndrome that we settle. Or the unspoken fact that we are competitive with each other as to love life status. A lot of men I know rarely "settle" to the point of living quite abusive and careless lives involving under cared for children and a bag of broken (or at least hardened) women in their wake. You do not have to be of any of these extremes to know that you should not feel guilty to consider giving your partner up. It is the right thing to do for him and yourself. If he is presently accepting of your present ambiguity, he is setting himself up to be either a wuss or a control freak by default (to get back at you). I am big in age and I refuse to settle. Like Arisbottle, I want to ache for the right man who is not a nutter. Trust me, aching is one of the requirements, it's one of the things you look at when things get bumpy (oh, that's why I'm with him!). Relationships can go tits up even with the "aching", but to plod on at a young age with no kids and you can't remember a time when your skin caught on fire just by looking at your fella? Sorry to bring it down to basics, but you need to proactively search for your happiness..... after you break this relationship with as much dignity required as to not further dent this man's self esteem, which you are ultimately not responsible for. He doesn't need you pitying him. Good luck!

I split up with a great guy in my 20's. I just had a feeling there was more life to be lived. I don't regret it, I was right. But I didn't live with him. Once you've got into living with someone then the practicalities can make it difficult to leave. If you could suddenly magic yourself to 6 months down the line and got over the disruption of leaving, would you do it? If this isn't what you want for the rest of your life then it might be time to bite the bullet.

I left my fiancé in my 20s for my now DH. He was a really really great guy and I did love him a lot. We also had an amazing attraction, lovely house lots of great friends and good social life together.

It's just when DH came along I knew that was the right relationship for me. 15 years on it seems I was right.

I still feel awful about my ex. He didn't deserve it.

Leave whilst you can as once you have DC's it becomes a million times harder.

Yes, don't have kids with someone you think you want to leave.