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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need advice... :/

18 replies

Kayshields · 25/05/2013 22:55

I was sitting with my partner watching the titanic and a sad part came on, so I went to hold his hand to wich he responded by pushing me away angrily saying leave me alone im not even doing anything.. obviously I got shocked and felt a little sick, I replied by calling him a douche and tried to sit there holding in my tears until I slyly walked out into the bedroom before crying my eyes out.. I just wanted to sit and watch a film with him today.. turns out I can't even do that, now hes playing xbox. I do not feel loved.

OP posts:
AlfalfaMum · 25/05/2013 22:58

I don't know what to say :(

Is this typical behaviour for him?

Ilikethebreeze · 25/05/2013 22:58

Was this a misunderstanding?
How long have you been together.

MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 23:06

What a weird response on his part. Do you know what he meant? Does he think you hold his hand in order to tell him off or something? Confused

Original poster
Kayshields · 25/05/2013 23:14

I don't know :/ we've been together for 8 months.. I just thought it odd.

OP posts:
Ilikethebreeze · 25/05/2013 23:16

Speak to him when you are both calm.

MumnGran · 25/05/2013 23:17

He wouldn't be the first man to be "tear'y" at a sad movie .... or the first to be very irritated if he thinks someone spotted the "weakness". Is it possible he mistook you wanting to hold his hand for your own comfort, and thought you had noticed him being upset and wanted to comfort him?
Re-asserting the testosterone might explain the very abrupt reaction, and subsequent very "male" behaviour. .

Tigglette · 25/05/2013 23:22

His reaction wasn't great, but it making you feel a bit sick is equally an overreaction.

MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 23:24

I'm even more confused now. Was he crying? I didn't get that from the OP at all.

It does sound odd. Why would anyone be so hostile to their partner going to hold their hand under any circumstances?

MumnGran · 25/05/2013 23:32

OP didn't say he was upset by the film ...... I just wondered if that might have been the reason, as it would explain the "leave me alone" reaction ....which otherwise seems a bit strange.

Original poster
Kayshields · 25/05/2013 23:35

I don't know if he was upset by the film, he didn't show it if he was but I guess that's the only situation that seems to make sense here.. and as for me feeling a bit sick as an overreaction no, it wasn't I was incredibly shocked and hurt

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 23:36

OP, I think you have to tell us whether this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour, and maybe expand on that "I do not feel loved". Otherwise we can't advise anything. You sound really, really upset.

MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 23:38

And yes I would be shocked if I went to hold DP's hand and he said that. It just seems pointlessly nasty and the response of someone who's not quite all there.

Original poster
Kayshields · 25/05/2013 23:49

I know sometimes he does thrash out at me when he needs alone time instead of just telling me.. because I usually just leave the room when he does it. However I have talked to him about now and he says their is no need to be grumpy with him, he just thought I was telling him off for picking his nose.. lol didn't see that one coming.

OP posts:
MumnGran · 25/05/2013 23:52

Glad you have an answer OP .... but in your shoes I would be questioning why I allowed any man to "thrash out at me".
Thats not good, on any level

MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 23:54

Ah, ok. Eight months in and he "thrashes out" to get you to shut up. Run like the wind.

Original poster
Kayshields · 25/05/2013 23:55

Oh I don't mean physically... just like stroppy

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 23:55

he says their is no need to be grumpy with him

And he's even defensive when you ask him about a weird incident that deeply upset you. What a prince you've got here.

MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 23:57

He sounds horrible, sorry. Eight months in, nobody should be being regularly stroppy, nasty or defensive.

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