At what age did you meet your spouse..? Feeling hopeless and lonely.

[AllegraLilac]

Brutal honesty time... Decided not to name change.

I'm in my early 20s. I have had two boyfriends and plenty of male attention.

My first boyfriend and I were together from the age of 15 until 19, and he was abusive the entire time. I got out after four years, a bruised, tortured, depressed shadow of who I used to be.

It took me years to recover. I forced myself back on the dating horse, and dated casually, but never managed to trust anybody with my heart or my body. Thus none of these relationships lasted long enough to even be called relationships, though I did make some good friends and my confidence slowly returned.

2 and a half years after getting out of my abusive relationship, a long term friend asked me out. Not my usual type, I said yes. He had been good fun in some really low times and I thought he might be more considerate. Alas no, 6 months down the line, he'd been sleeping with 3 women behind my back and is now boasting about shagging a stripper to mutual friends.

I'm just feeling so hopeless, like ill never love again and have that reciprocated. My worst fear is ending up alone and childless.

Can somebody please reassure me that you didn't meet him until you left university, started work, was a real grown up. All my friends are settled with partners and I'm so jealous of their happiness.

And anyone who wants to tell me that my exes are dickheads would be very well received too. :(

I met DH when I was 27.

But a dear friend of mine met the absolute love of her life at 53, and married within months. I don't know whether she'd had any relationships prior to that point, but she had never been married (she came from a culture in which it was almost impossible to have a long-term or serious relationship without it becoming a marriage) and he had been widowed several years previously. She and her DH have now been together for 20 happy years. They've fostered together, too.

I tell that story to anyone losing hope.

Was paranoid at school that I'd never have a bf. disaster relationship during uni, then in last final year found the one and married at 22.

I met my husband at 27, and then we took a good few years to get serious (he proposed the day before I turned 34).

I was 32 and DP was 40 (and previously married) - I didn't think I was that old either

charleyturtle, sorry, that made me roar with laughter! (In the nicest possible way) Everyone is saying 30's etc late 20's and then there is your post with '3'!

Back to the OP, you are SO young! I met my husband when I was 31 (seems young to me now) and we got married at 34 and DD at 37. We have been married almost 10 years.

Lovely story, charley

Met DH at 33 but studiously ignored him for three years as (thought) he wasn't my type. Finally got together at 36 (him 40), and realised that at last here was someone I could just be myself with (cliched but true). Got married 18 months later and had twins 18 months after that. Just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.

It will happen for you, if you want it, probably when you are looking the other way. Try to relax away from it and live your life not focussing on it for a while.

Hugs x

Met my husband at 25 but both in (awful) relationships at the time. We met at a friend's birthday party - she was a colleague from my first 'proper' job and a school friend of his. She kept our getting on like a house on fire in the back of her mind and set us up on a date a year later. Now married for a year with a two month old!

The key for us was being in the right place emotionally. We'd been through a lot of crap in previous relationships and knew exactly what we didn't want and were happily single. I'm happy we both had a life before we met.

My mum met my dad when she was 29 and my dad was 33. She had me at 34 and my sis at 38.

I met dh when I was quite young but my best mate found herself single after being jilted at the age of 33.

Fast forward a bit, she went travelling, came back went on a blind date and is now married with a 1 yr old.

OP you have all the time in the world. I sometimes wish dh and I had met each other a little later tbh.

I spent my twenties in various relationships hoping to meet Mr Right but ended them (not more 2 years) when they were not right. By the time I got to my thirties, I had given up and had a blast with casual relationships. I met my now dh around this time when I was 32. Thought he was going to be casual but somehow he managed to get under my skin and stuck around. We married when I was 33, had dd at 34 and ds at 37.

If you meet someone in your 30s or later, if both parties are ready, I think it happens much more quickly than relationships in your twenties.

Met at 25, married just before 30, small boys arrived at 35 and 37.

allegra I'm really sorry to hear how bad a time you've had of it. Haven't read the other posts but hopefully there's others like me.

I met my exh when I was 19, we were together 7 years in all, married 4. They weren't all that happy in hindsight.

I met OH when I was 28. Well I say that, but I met him when I was 24 and married to exH and we were work friends for quite some time. I met up with him randomly a year after I split with exh and have been with him since. We now have 2 of the most gorgeous and irritating DCs ever.

As the fairy tales say, your prince will come. Just be prepared that most of these prices are frogs. But that's ok, as long as they're not trolls

Met dh at 34. Knew it was right by about the middle of our second date. I came out of a marriage that wasn't by any means abusive but which was quite difficult, and had 3 happy years alone. I know the 20s are tricky, I wouldn't go through them again for the world, but the growth you are going through now is part of the healing from your relationship and also the way you will reach a point where you actually know what you want, rather than what you think you ought to want. Watch out that you are not getting together with men who reflect back your mother's view that sexually experienced women are disgusting; that view will sound fundamentally 'right' to you in a way even if you dont agree with it, and men who feel that way are likely to be oppressive scumbags.

Close associates: extremely wonderful lady, no boyfriends ever, met the love of her life at 39, married, baby, v v happy.

Another fabulous person, plenty of adventures along the way with some really variable interesting men, met her dh at 38, two kids later...

I met exh at 22 married him at 25 just shoot me. We had 3 kids
I divorced him at 37 and met and married my now very DH at 38. WE have been married 10 years, have a Dd, and things are still great

Ladies these stories are really helping me! Only recently broke up with my fiancée (a girl) I'm 26 in August and just feeling so lost & confused. Doesn't help it's lesbian as I'm not really on the gay scene and don't know where to meet people. Suffering from severe depression since. My relationship with my GF was very intense we lived in each others pockets I did a lot for her....worst thing I've ever gone through.

Me dh at 22 we got married when I was 27 and had dd when I was 28

49. yes that's FORTY NINE. Had a colourful history before then with some very major lows.
    And had to arrange to have ds without the right man being in place. But he is so worth it now.

34 and still searching. I've decided to make the search a lot more fun from now on as I'm very recently single after being made to feel very disappointed and unhappy.

Hi OP you are young and have so much ahead of you!!!!! Enjoy your twenties, have fun, see friends... Love every moment! Relax!
Someone will come along and (it's a cliche) but is often when you least expect it! X

I met my dh when I was 30. You're still a spring chicken.

I was very single. I had my own house and a cat spinster and I met my dh. There's loads of time.

I'm 37 now, with 2 dd's.

I found the time being 'alone' single, made me realise who I was, and that I didn't need a man to survive.