At what age did you meet your spouse..? Feeling hopeless and lonely.

[AllegraLilac]

Brutal honesty time... Decided not to name change.

I'm in my early 20s. I have had two boyfriends and plenty of male attention.

My first boyfriend and I were together from the age of 15 until 19, and he was abusive the entire time. I got out after four years, a bruised, tortured, depressed shadow of who I used to be.

It took me years to recover. I forced myself back on the dating horse, and dated casually, but never managed to trust anybody with my heart or my body. Thus none of these relationships lasted long enough to even be called relationships, though I did make some good friends and my confidence slowly returned.

2 and a half years after getting out of my abusive relationship, a long term friend asked me out. Not my usual type, I said yes. He had been good fun in some really low times and I thought he might be more considerate. Alas no, 6 months down the line, he'd been sleeping with 3 women behind my back and is now boasting about shagging a stripper to mutual friends.

I'm just feeling so hopeless, like ill never love again and have that reciprocated. My worst fear is ending up alone and childless.

Can somebody please reassure me that you didn't meet him until you left university, started work, was a real grown up. All my friends are settled with partners and I'm so jealous of their happiness.

And anyone who wants to tell me that my exes are dickheads would be very well received too. :(

Relationship with DP began last year when I was 31, am now 32 and we're engaged. I'll have just turned 33 when we marry and we plan on trying for a baby then. He is 3 years older than me.

It's difficult to say what would have happened had we met earlier and it would be nice to have longer of just us BUT we're both of the assumption that we wouldn't have appreciated each other then. We've both had our fair share of relationship experience

Oh and meant to say I'd been in some very unhappy situations prior to meeting dp. My friends swore blind that I would enjoy dating again as there are some amazing men out there and they were right. He was SO worth the wait, I just love everything about him and am glad I had the bad experiences to truly make me cherish someone special

Married XH at 20. He physically and emotionally abused me for 6 years before I left.

Next 10 years were spent recovering. I thought my chance of a happy relationship was gone.

Met my now DP at 37. We are happy, content and have a 5yo DD.

I sometimes feel sad about the wasted years, but I guess my past is what makes me appreciate what I've got now.

Agree with that-you're less likely to take someone for granted and will appreciate a good partner when you've been through the mill with an idiot

Gosh you are so young! Go out, enjoy yourself, chill out.
I was 34 when I met DH, married at 35.

33

Met my first 'proper' boyfriend at 20, married at 24, divorced at 29.

Met second long terms boyfriend later that year, stayed together 3 years.

Met current DH at 32, married at 34, DS1 born at 35, DS2 born at 38.

And your exes are wankers. Try not to give them another thought.

Was in a strange university-post university relationship which wasn't going anywhere, we were together more out of familiarity and laziness than anything! Then I got completely out of my comfort zone and moved to a country where I didn't know the language: aged 23 and without a single sevcond glance at men, I wanted to travel, have fun, stretch my limited horizons . Met DH! Together 12 years, married for three, 18mo monkey DS.

I'm one of those irritating people for whom the minute I stopped looking and enjoying myself for myself, DH came along and ordered lunch in Italian and that was it.

You ARE very young. Concentrate on treating yourself well - holidays, clubs, hobbies, primotions, parties etc - and over time you'll emit mire confidence and find you attract a different type of man.

we were 21 and 22 when we met

I met my DP at 30.

Don't put pressure on yourself to find love.

Right now, invest in yourself. Find what makes you 'tick'. Passions, interests, friends.

You've got plenty of time to find someone and settle down.

I haven't yet and am in no urgent hurry to do so. Am 28.
There are so many possibilities in the world - none of which require you to be married to achieve them. Don't get me wrong, if I met someone perfect for me, I'd be the first down the aisle, but it wouldn't upset me if I didn't find anyone.
Like you, my exes have been utter penises, and I know this affects my view of relationships. Probably for the better though, as I would never settle for a idiot again.
Do you have a job you enjoy? Is there scope for travelling, having influence, making a difference? I know people will disagree with me, but these aims are just as worthwhile as having a family.

Please don't worry!

yes, travelling is a great idea. You can do it alone, have great new experiences, meet loads of people along the way. As soon as you meet someone and 'settle down' you will never do it. Really, make the most of your youth!

hello,

your exes are rubbish

I was in constant boyfriend mode until about 26 when after a very intensive relationship didn´t have anything serious until 34(!) I have a few one or 2 month attempts but it was all too forced including a proto EA one which I ran from as soon as I realised what what happening

I had a very nice time in those years, nice friends and a good social life, rented my lovely flat and generally enjoyed life, then in my early 30´s my friends started getting mortgages, married, babies etc and I started to feel a bit more left out so I took an oppertunity to work away from where I lived . .

I then met lovely DP and am now couched on the sofa with my big fat pregnant belly, DC1 asleep and DP just back from doing the shopping

so don´t panic, invest in your life - the things you can control, and something will surely happen when you are ready

Had 6 yr relationship from 18-24, another from 24-30.
Met my dh 10 years ago at 32/36 for him. 3yr old dd now.
best mate is 3 divorces to total wankers in ( I watched sadly and waited to be cried on), and she finally got together with another mate of mine who can only be described as legend and The two of them are ecstatically overjoyed with each other 3 years in. She 46. He's late 40's. total soul mates.
My dad met his missus at 50. He's 70 now.

Met first WankerH at 24, I think. Married at 26, split up by 28.

Had an inbetween relationship with an old friend which lasted about a year

Met my lovely DH when I was 32. Married age 34. 1st DC aged 35, 2nd aged 37 and surprise 3rd aged 43.

After many failed relationships and a short disastrous marriage I met DH when I was 32.

Moved in together, had DS1 at 34 and DS2 almost exactly a year later.

Got married last year after 13 years together.

You've got years and years to find Mr Right

Met my first husband at 16 - married by 20, two kids, split up age 29. Met my lovely DH at 33, got together at 35, marrie 38. Now 47.
My only regret is I stayed as long as I did with my first husband. What can I say, as a teenager I had no taste :)

I still actually miss singledom, it takes a whole to get used to it, but when you do it's brilliant!

In my world, "early 20s" is just the time when you are 'young, free and single'. Can't believe that you are even considering you may have 'missed the boat'. Ridiculous.
I met my dh when I was 26, but plenty of my friends hadn't met 'the' one' at that age.
My best friend from school met her dh later in life and they married - both for the first time - when she was 39 and 11 months. Very happy they are too.

Met DH at 32. Married at 37. Now 40 expecting DD1. Very happy I had my single time in my 20s and love the life I now have. You have LOADS of time. There are a lot of arseholes out there, I know cos I shagged went out with a lot of them
The right one is well worth waiting for

Your exes are dickheads.

Relationship success will always be a mad alchemy of good judgement and good luck.

Your strong point is in not accepting the unacceptable. You are young, learning about men and relationships is an ongoing journey which certainly isnt completed in your relationship. On the whole, the better you feel about yourself, the better your prospects, men can sense vulnerability.

You have plenty of time!

I met dh at 26, married at 32 and have a beautiful baby boy at 33.

One of my best friends met her soon to be dh aged 39.

I met my (now) XH at 30, just when I had accepted that I was never going to meet anybody...

Moved in with him five months later, got engaged and married 3 years later at 33, had my DD at 36.

Sadly he walked out on us last year just before my 40th birthday, but I had ten years with him.

I met Dh at 21 and married at 23. He was 29 and married at 31. And I usually remind him that I was worth the wait . It's our wedding anniversary today - 17 years, and right now he is snoring on the sofa but he has worked hard today.

i met my fiance when i was 3, we went to the same nursery,.became best friends at 14/15. i left for uni, we kept in touch but didnt see much of eachother while i was away. then after moving home at 21 we got together.
it took nearly 20 years, many boyfriends ( nearly all cheaters and 1 emotionally abusive a-hole) and a lot of growing up for me to realise the lpve of my life had been there all along, now we have a beautifull 6mo dd and all the happiness in the world.
i know i was young and very very lucky, but dont get down about it, you will meet someone special and it doesnt matter what has happened before because once you find them the past stops mattering completely.
i'm sorry you have had such bad expeirences in relationships but they wont all be that way.

In my early twenties I was shagging lots of unsuitable men and having lots of fun going out a lot and meeting lots of people.

Met DP at a friends party when I was 30 and he was 33.

Moved in together at 31, had DC when I was 33 and 38.

Please don't settle for someone who's not "the one" just cos you think you are getting on a bit. Mr right will come along some day, you're still so young!