Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had a right kick in the teeth

73 replies

Mollymom · 24/05/2013 21:33

Exdp 'moved out' today with his OW. We split the beginning of april. He has told dd age 5 today that he is thinking of asking OW to marry him. We were together about 18 years and he always said he didnt want to get married.

OW is half his age. All his stuff is still here he has only bothered to take 1 bag of clothes.

Feel utterly sick

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 24/05/2013 21:35

Eurgh, what a prat. You're better off without, maybe you can ebay some of his stuff if he's not coming back for it?

Wine You can and will do better!

Lweji · 24/05/2013 21:38

:(
So sorry.

It will get better. You know that.
In the meantime, think of how to make yourself happy.

thefirstmrsrochester · 24/05/2013 21:44

Don't feel sick, feel enlightened.
You've seen his true colours (as will ow in the fullness of time) so it's time to embrace your new future.
You know you are worth a lot more.
Wine and Thanks in the meantime.

Original poster
Mollymom · 24/05/2013 21:51

Hes coming back to get the rest of his stuff just not sure when. I dont want to have to deal with his family at the moment even tho they are being lovely

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 24/05/2013 22:14

18 years Mollymom, I think you have every right to burn his stuff.
He's been gone 2 months and thus far not required anything other than what he left with.
I would sell it or bin it.
Or ask his family collect it.

Original poster
Mollymom · 24/05/2013 22:27

We split 2 months ago but he only moved out today and didnt take much stuff with him. He has moved straight in with OW. Sorry my op wasnt too clear was it. At least I dont have to put up with the continual texting anymore

OP posts:
SoTiredAgain · 24/05/2013 22:34

Don't wait for him to contact re:his stuff. Give him a date and time for him to collect his stuff. Otherwise it will go in the front garden. That should get his arse in gear.

Sorry that its so shitty for you right now. He's a dickhead, isn't he? Also, don't worry about his family, be polite but distant. They will forgive him soon enough.

Original poster
Mollymom · 24/05/2013 22:40

Thats the thing am really fond of all his family but cant see me being able to maintain that relationship with them for much longer. They do have dd after school once in a while for me but that could be easily rearranged for other childcare. Their contact with dd would all be through exp.

OP posts:
Upnotdown · 25/05/2013 09:53

Perhaps he feels so insecure with someone half his age that in his mind the only way to 'keep' her is to get married...

Twit. Bag it all up and put it next to the bins for him.

Anniegetyourgun · 25/05/2013 10:25

I'm guessing it's more that he has to prove somehow that this new bit on the side relationship is "the real thing" so worth leaving his partner of 18 years for.

Agree you should give him a firm date to take his stuff. If the bugger's gone for good, why should he get to use your house for convenient storage? (It will also make it harder for you to move on with reminders of him around the place, but he doesn't need to know that.)

Original poster
Mollymom · 25/05/2013 10:28

Have bought some bin bags. Just feel like all those years have been wasted (except for having dd) on him

OP posts:
Fozziebearmum2b · 25/05/2013 10:43

Wow..really sorry...nothing worse than being cheated onShock

What an idiot...telling a 5yr old he wants to marry her, why did he do that? Did he expect a congrats?!

As others have said concentrate on DS and get your home to be just 'yours' so get rid of his stuff and build yourself a lovely base for the 2 of you.

You're better off without him, better you know now than waste any more time with him.

Original poster
Mollymom · 25/05/2013 12:42

A member if his family is getting married this summer and dd is a bridesmaid. I have been invited but do not feel like going at all

OP posts:
Finola1step · 25/05/2013 22:01

Molly I really feel for you. He's a dickhead. As for the relatives wedding, don't go. Your ex can take your daughter and she will still have a lovely day. You can have a day to yourself doing whatever you damn well please. You do not have to watch that idiot and his cheap bit play lovey dovey couple. Chin up, fake the smile if you have to and spend time with your friends and family. Sounds like you are well rid.

50shadesofbrown · 25/05/2013 22:06

Do what Upnotdown said - bag his stuff up. Put it next to the bins. Tell him, if he hasn't collected it by bin day, the bin men probably will.

Greenkit · 26/05/2013 04:38

Just because he is being an insensitive idiot, doesnt mean you have to cut ties with your childs grandparents or family, you have done nothing wrong, hold you head high and carry on. Its ExDH and new GF who should be hiding in shame

Original poster
Mollymom · 27/05/2013 22:39

Another kick received today. OW has been invited to the wedding. Exps family have met her once. If I dont go I miss seeing dd as a bridesmaid. If I do go I have to put up with OW being there as well as all the looks and people avoiding me out of embarrassment. Apparently we would be seated far apart.......can see me being seated at the back up a corner.

OP posts:
dollyindub · 27/05/2013 22:59

When is the wedding?
Go if you can - why should you miss out on seeing your dd as a bridesmaid?
Hold your head up high, make sure you look amazing and even if you feel upset, fake it til you make it as they say.
You have nothing to be ashamed of - his OW is probably dreading it. Or she should be.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

dollyindub · 27/05/2013 23:00

Oh and totally agree with Greenkit re the family as well.

Original poster
Mollymom · 27/05/2013 23:06

I have a few weeks before I have to make a decision. Its in August so perhaps I would feel stronger then. The groom told me they had 'carefully considered' their decision.....hmmm.

OP posts:
imtheonlyone · 27/05/2013 23:25

Sorry this is happening to you.

I agree with other posters. You will be in a different place in August. It will be horrible to see exdp and ow but the joy of seeing your little dd as a bridesmaid will be amazing?!

I hope he still doesn't have access to your home. You said you don't know when he's going to collect his stuff. I agree, tell him when he's collecting it. As hard as it is for you, play hardball with him. I'm so Angry on your behalf. Don't let him mess you around anymore. What a total twunt he is Sad

eccentrica · 27/05/2013 23:27

So sorry this has happened to you.

I would not go to wedding and I would not have my DD there as bridesmaid so ExP and OW can show her off.

Monty27 · 27/05/2013 23:30

No, I wouldn't have any part in the wedding, including dd being bridesmaid. If they're supporting you dp's decision to include ow in wedding they're out of order imho.

LilyAmaryllis · 27/05/2013 23:35

Take care of yourself, what a horrible thing to happen. Remember its not your fault and he is the one who is the big stupid fool.

Original poster
Mollymom · 27/05/2013 23:43

Have told him to get all of his stuff tomorrow as dd is out for the day. Dd has been saying some odd things as well about OW being beautiful (I know she is being fed such things) which twist the knife a little more.

OP posts: