Hi y'all. Can I join?
You may have seen me on other parts of Mumsnet. I could have namechanged but don't really see the point! I am who I am.
I am drinking too much. I've known this for a while. I think lots of people do actually. Its so ingrained in our culture. But for so many people they can drink too much one night or two nights here or there, which is still bad ("binge drinking" etc) but they can then have days without, and somehow aren't drinking at dependent levels even if their weekly or monthly units look bad on paper.
However, I had got to the point where I was finding it nigh on impossible to have an alcohol free day ("too hard today, I'll do it tomorrow") because I'd just start feeling overwhelmed and slightly agitated around 4pm (big trigger for me is being "in for the day") - no need to not drink, as you don't have to drive anywhere, and you are on the home stretch, so to speak with kids and kids dinner, bath etc...who doesn't find cooking dinner easier with a glass of wine on the side? Who doesn't find the drudge of bath easier with a wine being sipped here and there? Then you are at least 2 glasses down, or perhaps you've done the bottle. Back downstairs, time to do dinner for you and your husband, who returns too late to all eat together.
He comes home, spies a few inches of wine in the end of a bottle, has a glass. "Would you like a glass of wine darling?" - "ooh, yes please!". So he gallantly opens a bottle.
So you finish dinner, and that nice big glass of wine he poured you, you both mooch through to clear up, he tops your glass up.
And you've done a bottle and a half. Sometimes slightly more.
So you do that most days, you do that every day. And you wonder why you can't give up.
Because you are doing close to....I'm not sure I can write this down, because I'm damn sure I couldn't say it out loud...100 units a week.
You are busting out your jeans even though you convince yourself you are not eating badly. And you are not eating badly. You are drinking badly. You are taking in three quarters of your daily calorie allowance for the average woman in wine, and you are eating normal food as well. You you are gradually gaining weight and you damn sure aren't losing it, even if you do some exercise or switch your biscuit to a piece of fruit. You break a sweat at the smallest thing in the morning. You wake several times a night to drink a pint of water. Sometimes you have a period of an hour or two in the early hours of the morning where your eyes spring open and you are wide awake while everyone else is asleep. In the morning, you drag yourself out of bed. You go through the motions. You are over it. But then 4pm comes around, and you've done so well to get to this point, and the sun is shining in the garden, and a crisp glass of Pinot would be just the ticket.
That's what I've been doing, and I've had enough. Even if I haven't, my liver will do at some point. And you know what, I'm sick of the bind of having to buy wine. Every day. I'm sick of looking at what I've spent in the supermarket or shop each month and thinking, bloody hell, its not exactly a cheap habit is it.
So I went to my doctor yesterday to discuss it, and she has referred me to a place to discuss the habit side of things, and I have a prescription which I started yesterday which makes stopping drinking a hell of a lot easier (did you know a lot of the things that make you turn to a drink in the early days - say first 3 days - of trying to give up are actually physical withdrawals? You probably did know that but surprisingly I didn't quite make the connection, I just thought I had no willpower which made no sense when I was so motivated to give up, why I couldn't just do it)
So here I am on day 2, I feel great for not drinking yesterday, and I will not drink today. And I will drop in regularly and let you know how I'm getting on.
Its unlikely that I will never drink again - I'm not sure that is realistic for me, and I'm not sure (though remain openminded) as to whether its actually necessary. Time will tell. My main goal at this point is to enjoy a decent period of abstinence, and never ever get to the point where I am drinking at dependent levels again. This might mean I let myself do whatever on a Friday and Saturday night in the future but not drink during the week at all. Or something. But it means never going back to these levels, and never drinking at a physically dependent level ever again
But they are future goals, my current goal is to get dry and enjoy a decent period of abstinence - a month would be great, maybe more. But one day at a time. I'd love to achieve moderate drinking in the future. Some say it cant be done, others can do it. But that doesn't matter right now. Short term goals met will be a very good start.
More later
Tatty x