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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

She has kicked him out, what now?

17 replies

dramajustfollowsme · 23/05/2013 20:34

I'm writing this on behalf of my cousin, lets call her Alice.She has mild learning difficulties. Alice met an Indian guy online. they met up and he was utterly charming. 5 weeks later she was pregnant. She has been married for 18 months with a one year old. Her H has been Physically and mentally abusing her since she gave up breast feeding when her dd was 2 weeks old. She only told us after he got angry and hit the baby. She managed to find the strength to kick him out. She then revealed that her recent wearing of scarves was to cover the marks where he tried to throttle her.
She has contacted woman's aid, social services and the police are now involved.
I want to help her in practical matters but don't know where to start. She thinks she isn't eligible for any help as she only works 9 hours a week now. I know that she could at least get a reduction in council tax but what else?
She is entitled to legal aid but the letter stating that she is now getting the child benefit - not him, hasn't come through yet so the solicitor won't see her yet.
I've got all the copies of her DD's birth certificate but she is really worried he will find away to take the baby to India. Is there anything else I can do to help?
I'm so proud of her for getting out and protecting her little girl. I just want to do anything I can.

OP posts:

musickeepsmesane · 23/05/2013 20:39

bump

Can't give advice but well done her for being so strong. I hope all goes well for her. She seems to have lovely support which must give her strength.

olgaga · 23/05/2013 20:45

Take a look through the advice and links here.

janey223 · 23/05/2013 21:02

Well done to her!

IMO, he shouldn't be having any unsupervised contact with the baby and she should seek a residency order to ensure he can't take her anywhere (when she gets legal aid).

skyeskyeskye · 23/05/2013 21:04

I would say that she needs to find out if she can prevent a passport from being issued, or get an injunction against him to stop him taking her out of the country. If DV is involved, then contact will surely be supervised in a contact centre, so he would not be able to take the baby.

She will get legal aid if a victim of DV as they are they only people entitled to it now.

She will get child tax credit, if she could up her working hours to 16, then she would get more working tax credit too I think but not sure.

well done to her for getting herself out of the situation

Grammaticus · 23/05/2013 21:08

Phone turn2us about her benefits entitlement

Original poster

dramajustfollowsme · 23/05/2013 21:25

The solicitor won't talk to her until she has the correct paperwork. I think she has everything but the child benefit letter.
He is saying that he has done nothing wrong. He says that in his country that there is nothing wrong with a man asserting his authority.
He is fighting against the supervised visits.
The police have her address noted so that if he turns up she just has to phone them.
Wish I wasn't working tomorrow, I want to get cracking helping her. Thanks for the advice so far, lots of stuff to read up on.

OP posts:

raisah · 23/05/2013 21:35

Did he marry her to get a passport & citizenship? It sounds like it. Check what his immigration status is because she could get him deported back to India if hes not been granted citizenship. I dont think he would be interested in taking the baby back to India, he is more likely to want to stay here. The danger is that he will find a way back with your cousin until he is made legal.

They can be so charming online & in real life they are controlling psychos who put their own needs first. Get legal advice and under no circumstances should your cousin allow him to return.

raisah · 23/05/2013 21:42

Could she apply for a passport for the baby and leave it with you? That way its officially recorded so if he tries to apply for one on her behalf it will be flagged up on the system. I dont know I am thinking off the top of my head. Definitely.see if you can get the ex deported.

skyeskyeskye · 23/05/2013 21:44

If he has hit the baby, then I don't see how he would be allowed unsupervised access. If social services are involved, then I don't think that they will allow it as their job is to protect the child.

It doesn't matter what her H thinks is right in his country, he is living in England.....

skyeskyeskye · 23/05/2013 21:44

(sorry, that should say UK, you could of course be in Scotland or Wales!)

Charlesroi · 23/05/2013 23:11

I'm not sure why the solicitor won't talk to her. Is it because she can't get legal aid without the benefits letter? If so would it be possible to have a family whip-round to pay for an initial consultation?
Depending on how much she gets paid she should get some income support and she'd get child tax credits. Get her to call the local Jobcentre.

saffronwblue · 23/05/2013 23:36

Hi drama just saw your reference to this elsewhere. I don't have any legal advice but just want to say good for you for supporting your cousin.

janey223 · 23/05/2013 23:42

Oh benefits wise: child tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit (or LHA), council tax benefit and income support. She'd probably be better off if she could get 16hours as she'd get help with childcare costs and get working tax credit (income support would stop).

When I applied for local housing allowance they also done the council tax benefit, she'll probably be entitled to full council tax benefit. The easiest way to sort it is to make an appointment at the council x

Jux · 24/05/2013 00:08

Good on her!

I think CAB should be able to tell her everything she would be entitled to.

EllaFitzgerald · 24/05/2013 00:13

Raisah She won't be able to get him deported, it simply doesn't work like that. And I'm being really pernickety, but it would be administratively removed, not deported.

OP, if he has limited leave based on his relationship with your sister, she does need to advise the Home Office that the relationship has broken down irretrievably, although that doesn't necessarily mean that he'll be going anywhere.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/05/2013 09:23

I think the best thing you can do in the first instance is to follow up with the police, social services and Womens Aid. Make sure they have all the information and know exactly how serious this is. Keep them updated regularly. Ask for an action plan i.e. 'what are you (police/SS) going actively do to protect Alice and her baby?' and keep on at them until you get somewhere. They have busy schedules and I think you have to shout loud to get attention. NSPCC would also want to know if a baby has been hit by this horrible man.

For benefits point Alice towards the benefits checker at www.turn2us.org.uk and go through it with her.

Original poster

dramajustfollowsme · 25/05/2013 10:43

Going to go through all the things she is entitled to. Spoke to SS, they don't want him having contact with the baby at the moment.
He turned up at their house last night, drunk. Threatening all sorts of things.
She called the police and he was taken away. It is really scary. He came across as so charming, can't believe we were all taken in by him. She wants to move as she just doesn't feel safe.
He is utter scum for treating them like this.

OP posts:

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