DH bbm-ing with ex-shag

[moleavenger]

Back story: BEFORE he even met me and after he had been dumped in a previous relationship, DH met and shagged a stripper a few times (outside of her work.) They met and DH was upset about being dumped and she told him what an idiot his ex-GF was and they ended up in bed together. After a couple of shags, DH made it clear he wasn't interested in her and got back with his ex a few months later, but, according to him she is "a sweet girl" and was "nice to him at a bad time," so when she has texted him since then asking him how he is, he always responds with a "I'm fine how are you?" polite conversation.

A couple of years later we are together and married. The stripper (apparently she is no longer a stripper and now an actress... ) got in touch with him about six months ago, a text he showed me, asking how he is, if he wants to meet up. He replied to her in front of me that he was great and very happy because he'd got married and he'd found his perfect woman. I saw her write back how happy she was for him etc, and I thought no more about it.

3 months later he is lying in bed on his phone texting furiously on BBM and looking confused. I say who is it? And he replies "It's X (the stripper.) She asked me to set her up with one of my friends seeing as I wasn't available. I set her up with Y (DH's friend) and he has shagged her and not called her." I said "why is that your problem?" He said "it's not, she's just bugging me over BBM about it saying why is your friend such a dick?" I said "just stop, you shouldn't have even got involved, why are you doing this?" he replies "she's just quite a sweet girl and she asked me and I knew that Y was looking for a date and I so set them up..." I told him to leave it and he did.

Fast forward to today, I meet him for lunch and he says "X (the stripper) texted me again telling me Y (his friend) got back in touch with her. She thinks Y just wants sex with her again. What do you think?" Dh proceeds to get out his phone and show me the BBM conversation with her. It's littered with lots of little smiley faces from both of them and her telling him about people she's been on dates with and complaining about them. He showed me the whole convo and there was nothing suspicious in it, it was just annoying.

Am I write to be annoyed by this? I genuinely believe that DH is loyal, but I just also feel like it's inappropriate to be BBM-ing with an ex-shag like this and having these borderline emotional conversations. He is totally transparent about all communication with her and DH and I have a great relationship, but I don't want there to be a point down the line where DH and I might be going through a difficult time and she descends with one of her "how are you?" texts, and it gives way to something more emotional?

What do you think?

I think it sounds like they're mates.

Not sure I would like it though.

She sounds incredibly needy and your DH sounds too nice to let her down gently and possibly feeling a bit shitty about setting them up.

I don't think YABU, I'd be pissed off too, but not in an insanely jealous way, just the fact that she's so demanding and almost disrespectful.

I agree. Hasnt she got any other friends she can talk to about this stuff? And if not, why not? (Sorry, rhetorical q's i dont expect you to answer)

Think it sounds fairly innocent but id be getting fed up as it seems like shes finding any excuse she can to hold onto a connection with your DH.

Try and explain to your DH how you feel, yanbu!

Thanks... that's helpful. DH has female friends, single and attached, who we both know and both meet with occasionally. I have become their friend too. But this girl is different, the connection is just over text and I just find it a bit sneaky and annoying (on her part) and a bit weak (on DH's part.) She's very attractive (in a plastic surgery kind of way)

I wouldn't see anything wrong with that personally. Lots of people overuse emoticons, doesn't mean they are flirting. What is sneaky about their conversations?

Your DH should get a new phone number and forget to give it X

My gut reaction is, he's enjoying telling you this woman is still in touch. Keeps you on your toes, perhaps. Whether she's arranging dates for pals or not I think he is not averse to staying in contact.

May have changed recently but in the past simply changing number didn't work - BBM pin is / was tied to the hardware not the phone number.
So unless that's changed it's an entirely new phone that's needed.

If he is transparent and you are not suspicious then I am not sure I understand why its such an issue.

He has a friend who was there for him when he was down and he is returning the favour...

Men and women can be mates you know

Yes, it's annoying, but he's not showing any signs of it being anything other than it is.

MrD didn't tell me that one of his female friends was an ex of his for two years (she's now married to one of his other friends). I only found out because she mentioned it in passing in a conversation once. He just "forgot"! Idiot. I got over it pretty quickly, as annoying though it was, he didn't hide it from me, had just forgotten that it could be an issue.