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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H keeps telling DD that he is the boss and only men can be!

68 replies

schooldays · 17/05/2013 12:28

Just want to vent. My H keeps telling my DD (4yr old) that he is the boss of our house, that only men can be bosses and any job she eve gets she will have a male boss. that mammy is the boss while he is at work but he is the boss when he comes home!!!!!!! FFS...........

OP posts:
Ragusa · 17/05/2013 12:30

Is this serious?

To say I would be having words is an understatement.

Pozzled · 17/05/2013 12:31

You need to put him straight that this is completely unacceptable. Even if he's joking.

QuintessentialOHara · 17/05/2013 12:31

You need to shoot him.

Smartieaddict · 17/05/2013 12:33

What a complete and utter arse! How do you respond when he spouts this drivel?

Pozzled · 17/05/2013 12:34

Oh, and put her straight as well, obviously. Tell her all about strong women who are their own bosses. If you Google 'a mighty girl' they are a fab website with hundreds of resources for proving that women can succeed in everyarea of life.

NomNomDePlum · 17/05/2013 12:38

if he thinks this is funny, you need to disabuse him of the notion. if he is serious, you need to clarify the damage that he is doing to your dd's understanding of the world and her own future with this misogynist stupidity.

ffs.

NomNomDePlum · 17/05/2013 12:39

also, if he is serious, what are you doing with him?

again, ffs.

cinnamonsugar · 17/05/2013 12:41

Why did you have a child with someone with those views?

happyon · 17/05/2013 12:42

Seriously? Dump him if he doesn't stop this, really you have to.
another FFS

Longdistance · 17/05/2013 12:45

Pack some clothes, throw him out, and then say to dd ' look who's the boss now' Wink

CrazyOldCatLady · 17/05/2013 12:46

Whether he's joking or serious, that's completely unacceptable behaviour. He needs to backtrack completely with your DD, tell her he was completely wrong, and never, ever say it (or behave in a way that implies it) again.

I'm astonished that he thinks so little of his daughter.

Actually, I'm nearly inclined to say leave the bastard, even if he's joking. How on earth could he say that to his child?!

CrazyOldCatLady · 17/05/2013 12:47

Pack some clothes, throw him out, and then say to dd ' look who's the boss now'
I like this.

Wishiwasanheiress · 17/05/2013 12:48

Sack him.

Miggsie · 17/05/2013 12:48

Are we in 1953 or 2013?

Even as a joke it isn't funny - and yes, it will damage her chances long term as she will automatically view herself as inferior.

More worrying - what level of respect does he have for you? I guess BUGGER ALL.

Original poster
schooldays · 17/05/2013 12:49

he starts this crap when i am trying to parent her (eg tell her to put her pj's on). i just tell him i am trying to have a conversation with my dd and to stop being ridiculous.
it is complicated - i am trying to get him out of our house - i gave him an ultimatum that we either seperate officially or that he goes to work in another country (as he has been saying he is going to do for a few wks now - gaslighting maybe). he said he will be leaving in the next month or two and i thought would be able to put up with him until then - but if he keeps up this crap he may force my hand and i may have to throw him out.
he has a history of being very EA and VA so am trying to handle this delicately - i just want him out of my house with as little trouble as possible.
so you see he really believes that men are better than women - i hate listening to him saying this to our dd

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 17/05/2013 12:52

He's not saying it to her.

He's saying it AT her - TO you.

It is really unhealthy.

TheVermiciousKnid · 17/05/2013 12:53

Having had a quick look at some of your previous threads in Relationships (and your last post!) my advice would be to LTB. Seriously, you would be better off without him.

And explain to your daughter that he is talking shite.

kotinka · 17/05/2013 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olgaga · 17/05/2013 12:54

This can't have come out of the blue. What on earth did you ever see in this dickhead?

flanbase · 17/05/2013 12:55

he's the boss of being stupid - your 4yr will understand that

SavoyCabbage · 17/05/2013 12:58

You really need to get out of this situation. Can you leave?

NomNomDePlum · 17/05/2013 12:59

is it possible for you to do it delicately? can you talk to women's aid? they may be able to advise you on getting him to leave. in the mean time, keep telling your dd that daddy is wrong (i wouldn't normally advocate undermining the other parent, but in this case it's clearly undermine him or undermine your dd). good luck.

Ragusa · 17/05/2013 13:01

Can you get some support from women's aid? Advice on how you might be able to get him out of your house? I presume by leaving yourself you're worried that gives him a claim over the house? - I don't know if this is right but there will be people on here who do.

Ragusa · 17/05/2013 13:02

x posts with NomNom

K8Middleton · 17/05/2013 13:02

Chuck him out. Then throw a fucking party.

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